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Two losses in two years

Posted by andikinz (My Page) on
Wed, Jul 12, 06 at 23:52

My father died two years ago. He was one of my best friends and life hasnt been the same ever since. He was so close to my two children and I have had another baby since he died.After he died I grew closer to my older brother. We lived 5 minutes away from each other, talked a million times a day, brought my kids to the beach, my husband and I were best friends with him and his girlfriend. My brother died last month from complications of diabetes. He was 40 years old. My world feels so empty. I know it isnt, I still have a wonderful husband and 3 little children, but inside I feel empty and alone. I just need them back, and without that I dont know what will fix this. Any suggestions would be helpful.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Two losses in two years

I am so sorry for the loss of both your father and your brother. I am sorry for the pain and emptiness that you feel. You have come to a place on this board where others know of deep sorrow and have experienced similar emotions. It sounds like you have a wonderful family and I wish you peace and love.


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RE: Two losses in two years

You've had two very tough losses, and your brother died so young. You and your brother probably talked about Dad a lot, and you'll miss that.

I imagine you are starting to feel like your family is disappearing around you. You are probably fairly young to have lost your father and a sibling. But you are right, you have your immediate family. One way you can honor your father and brother is to keep them alive in your children's minds with photos, remembered stories, possible visits to their graves, or if you go to a restaurant they liked, you can say, "Remember, Uncle liked this place." If they are very young, they won't really remember your dad or brother, but you can definitely keep their memories alive for the kids.

I'm sorry you are feeling such emotional pain. Take care.


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RE: Two losses in two years//

I thought of one more thing...my kids were older than yours when my mother died, but I put a small photo album together of my mother, dad and early family days--one for each of my kids. They turned out very nice, and it helped me a lot in honoring her memory and passing something of her along to my children.


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RE: Two losses in two years

Thankyou so much for your posts, las23, and socks12345. Your ideas were helpful. My children are 7,4, and 1. My 7 yr. old was very close to my dad and remembers alot about him, and he was also extremely close to his uncle. Watching his pain is even more unbearable than my own. I am 30 yrs old, and it does feel like my family is disappearing on me. My immediate family is wonderful, but my husband has never lost anyone close to him(other than my family) and I feel like he just doesnt understand. He tries, but somehow I still feel alone. I feel like I need to be a pillar of strength for the kids, especially my 7 yr.old. I really dont know where Im supposed to find it anymore. Tommorow I am going to spread my brothers ashes. I just couldnt bring myself to do it before. It is just so final. He had 3 specific places, so atleast I dont need to question that. Please keep your thoughts with me. I have never spread ashes before, and Im not sure how I might react. Sorry this is so long, but it helps to babble.


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RE: Two losses in two years

Andikinz, I'm glad you posted again, and I know tomorrow will be a very meaningful day for you, honoring your dear brother's wishes. I don't think there is any rush to scatter ashes; just whenever it is appropriate and the family feels ready.

I'm glad to post to you again because after I posted the photo album idea I realized how silly it was to suggest that to a mother of 3. Like you would have time for such a project! But your 7-year-old might appreciate one of those "book style" frames with a picture of his grandfather and uncle.

I'm sorry you are suffering so, and I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.


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RE: Two losses in two years

I too, am very sorry for your losses. I'm assuming that you have no other siblings. I'm so sorry.
I echo all the things that Socks said. Keep their memory alive. My grandsons never knew my daughter, but we speak of her very often and let them know all we can about their Aunt Christin. In their minds, they do know her as much as possible without her actually being here.
Also, even though I know it's hard when you are grieving, try hard to concentrate on the loved ones who you still have here. If you don't, if you (God forbid) would lose one of them, you would wish you had.
Blessings to you and keep in touch.
Lu


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RE: Two losses in two years

I'm so very sorry for your losses, I know the emptiness you are feeling, I lost my 23 year old daughter on may 28, I feel like I have this big empty space in my heart, Lu is right we should concentrate on the loved ones still here, but I find myself aching to hold her again, I think we need the time to grief, it's still so fresh, I find talking about our loved ones helps alot, it keeps them alive in our hearts, talk to them as if they are still here, I'm sure they hear you, I talk to my girl all the time,... do whatever gives you comfort.
Martha


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RE: Two losses in two years

Thankyou to all that posted. I know everyone here is feeling terrible pain for their personal losses. For me it just keeps getting worse. I know everyone says " it will get better with time", but it doesnt seem to help right now. I'm so angry that he's gone, at 40 years old. It is just so unfair that he had to be so sick. He was a language genius, he was fluent in 9 languages. Self taught. He was just such an amazing person. He kept all my sons interests alive. Because he had such an interest in so many things. If any of us had a question, we would say " Call Uncle Scott, he'll know" and he always did. The world just seems so much darker now. I find myself crying more than anything else now. I might try to find a therapist to help me deal with all of this, Im not sure. I have surgery tommorow, so maybe after that. Thanks for listening,
Andikinz


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