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It's Been Awhile....

Posted by JenniferW (My Page) on
Fri, Jul 22, 05 at 21:01

It's been a while since I've had a sad moment like I'm having right now. I've been so super busy with work and life, and while I do think of my mom every single day, I just don't have the time to mourn her each and every day like I did in the beginning. But on the days that I do, it all comes out at once and it's not pretty, like now. I miss her like crazy and my heart feels like it's breaking. She was just too young to die and I want her back. It's so damn unfair!

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: It's Been Awhile....

JenniferW, I feel the SAME way. And it's not even the stuff I'M going to miss about her, although that's a factor. It's just that I don't think she got everything out of life she wanted to, she still had things she wanted to do. And now she can't do them, at least not on earth.

But she is in a better place and I know your mom is too. Anything left undone is far surpassed by the rewards they are receiving now. I firmly believe that they still look after us and check up on us.

When my mom was in her final moments, my brother and I held her hands. I told her that she had done such a good job raising us and that, while we didn't want her to go, if it was her time, she should go. And she shouldn't worry about us--we'd be fine, and we'd see her when it was our time. I think that helped her pass in peace.

RE: It's Been Awhile....

I can totally relate to what you are saying. I'm always missing my mom, but somedays it is more than ever and I just cry for wanting my mom back. It's all a part of the grief process. I am comforted that she lived a good long life, and I know that wasn't the same for your mother, which is very hard. All you can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other, plodding along, asking for help when you need it, crying when you need to, and just doing what you need to do to take care of YOU. Some days that may mean turning inwards. I do that a lot. I think I pushed the grief away for a while because I was afraid of feeling alone, even though I know you have to deal with creeps up on you (even years later!) if you don't. So my therapist asked me what I thought it would feel like if I just sat with the feelings. It was painful when I first did it, but I no longer feel the need to run from them.

RE: It's Been Awhile....

Hey, Jennifer. I can also relate to what you are feeling, although my mom was able to live for 76 years and had a very good life. I feel like whatever Mom missed out on in this life and whatever my 19 year old daughter, Christin, missed out on is nothing compared to what they have now.
We'll always miss our moms and always grieve for our loss, but we WILL see them again. Our moms loved us more than themselves, like most moms do, so I know that they would want us to live our lives the best that we can without a lot of sadness in it. We do need to allow ourselves to grieve, though.
Just try to take one day at a time. That's all we can do.
Bless you!

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