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Husband's suicide

Posted by vhunter (My Page) on
Sat, Jul 2, 05 at 11:28

It has been 4 months and I am not functioning well at all.
Yes, I do know that it is not my fault. I have scarce motivation to meet simple daily needs such as eating. I hate to go to the grocery store by myself, or do anything else by myself. Yes, I have family, but they are of little help at this time, and I feel I have no purpose in life. I am sure that counseling would help but cannot even get motivated to seek it out.

Any other suicide survivors trying to cope and get on with life?


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Husband's suicide

I'm so sorry for your loss vhunter. I am not a suicide survivor but I think you really need to find either a support group or a counselor, someone just to talk to. Here is a list a suicide support groups in Texas, not sure which one would be closest to you. Please at least call or attend one meeting, it's a start. There are probably more
out there, but here is some I found online.
TEXAS
Amarillo
Texas Panhandle Mental Health Mental Retardation
P.O. Box 3250
Amarillo, TX 79116-3250
Group Name: Survivors Group
Contact Person: Paula Ryan
(806) 359-6699
Leadership Type: P/P
Meetings/Month: 4
Charge: NO
Newsletter: YES
Additional Information: please call for specific dates and times

Austin
Hospice Austin
4107 Spicewood Springs Road
Austin, TX 78759
Group Name: Survivors of Suicide
Contact Person: Nancy McCrainie
(512) 342-4700
nancy@hospiceaustin.org
Leadership Type: P/P
Meetings/Month: 2
Charge: NO
Newsletter: NO

Baird
Suicide: The Ones Left Behind
3571 FM 18
Baird, TX 79504
Group Name: Suicide: The Ones Left Behind
Contact Person: Inetha Anderson or Melba Hewitt
(325) 854-1529
Inetha Anderson
(325) 548-2727
Melba Hewitt
Leadership Type: PEER
Meetings/Month: 1
Charge: NO
Newsletter: YES

Corpus Christi
Survivors After Suicide
4153 Eagle
Corpus Christi, TX 78413
Group Name: SAS
Contact Person: Madelyn Olson
(361) 853-1964
Leadership Type: P/P
Meetings/Month: 1 - 1st Monday at 6:30-8pm
Charge: NO
Newsletter: NO

Dallas
Suicide and Crisis Center
2808 Swiss Avenue
Dallas, TX 75204
Group Name: SOS
Contact Person: Lorraine Gurun
(214) 824-7020
(214) 828-1000
Leadership Type: P/P
Meetings/Month: 4
Charge: NO
Newsletter: YES

Fort Worth
3136 West 4th Street
vicinity of Camp Bowie and University Streets
Fort Worth, TX 76107
Group Name: Survivors of Suicide
Contact Person: Sharon Walker, DCSW, LCSW
(817) 335-5405
(817) 228-7727
Leadership Type: P/P
Meetings/ Month: 1
Charge: NO
Newsletter: NO
Houston
Crisis Intervention of Houston, Inc.
3015 Richmond Avenue, Suite 120
Houston, TX 77098-3114
Group Name: SOS
Contact Person: Brenda Fitch/Claire Sabatier
(713) 527-9864
Leadership Type: P/P
Meetings/Month: 2
Charge: NO
Newsletter: YES

San Antonio
Survivors of Loved Ones' Suicides
The Ecumenical Center for Religion and Health
8310 Ewing Halsell Drive
San Antonio, TX 78229
Group Name: S.O.L.O.S.
Contact Person: Pat O'Brien or JoAnn Chavez
(210) 616-0885
(210) 342-2108
Leadership Type: P/P
Meetings/Month: 2
Charge: NO
Newsletter: NO


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RE: Husband's suicide

I'm so very sorry for your loss.
I am not a suicide survior, but the pain in your words was so moving, I wanted to give you some thoughts.
The list of support groups Jenn listed would be a start for you. If you can't find the strength to make that first call, then ask someone to do it for you. Ask someone to go with you. If you haven't already talked with your doctor, please ask someone to call and make an appointment for you. Therapy comes in all forms, and perhaps medical treatment with antidepressants can get you in a better place so you can make that first step towards healing. You've already taken a huge step by posting this. Please don't stop there.


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RE: Husband's suicide

My heart goes out to you. Where are you? I'm also in east Texas, near Athens.


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RE: Husband's suicide

knowing it's not your fault, and it not being your problem are two totally different things.

I'm not sure what 'dealing well' with a horrible shock like that might be- but I think that anyone who seemed to bounce back in less than a year was likely doing a better job of ignoring the mess.

you just lost your husband, and in a way that combines the worst aspects of a freak accident, a long illness, and a secret affair. that's not something that you sort out in 6 months, even if you don't have to deal with well-meaning people, the gossippers, relatives on both sides of the family...

support does help- not just to help you understand what happened, but to help you deal with things that are just phisophical debates until you're face to face with them...

but don't be surprised if you have to go outside your community (the people in your life, not the place you live) to find help- there's a bit too much morbid fascination with voluntary death for anyone to notice when they're chewing little bits of your heart to pieces, asking what seems to THEM like perfectly reasonable questions.

I lost a friend in high school who really had thought it through, and honestly, I'm the only one who wasn't surprised or upset about it- but I'm also the only one who knew the whole truth. I basically stopped going to 'our' mall after he took himself out of the game- the last thing I wanted to deal with was the people who didn't know him well enough suddenly wanting to know what they didn't care to find out while they had the chance.

but you can solve the philisophical stuff later-and honestly, he will be in enough people's thoughts not to take it poorly if you worry about yourself for a while. don't be afraid to be lonely, or angry...or to still love him. but the bigger worry is putting your own life back together (or at least disposing of the broken bits, and starting fresh)

modern religious nonsense about suicide? this comes from the same place as women should not own property, and only the clergy can intercede with God- it's all crap.

I think that was created more to torment the survivors into thinking that cash donations would soothe the souls in torment than from any practical purpose.


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RE: Husband's suicide

Dear Vhunter,
Please call your family doctor today, and tell him or her what you wrote here. You owe it to yourself to set up a face-to-face meeting with a medical professional, so you can get some sort of evaluation. Your doc may suggest you could benefit from medication (for a while, at least) along with counseling. I can't imagine all of the emotions that must be keeping you and your life feeling "off balance" as you try to adjust to your horrible loss. Seeking support is a sign of strength.

It was so thoughtful of Jen to list all of those support groups for you. Why not grab a tall glass of sweet tea, and then get on the phone? Start with your doctor, and then check those numbers from Jen for someone local who has been where you are right now. You deserve to get the help you need.


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RE: Husband's suicide

Dear VHunter:

I too recently lost my precious husband to suicide on June 21, 2006.

I am lost, and hurt with the greatest sucker-punch that has consumed my life with overwhelmning emptiness and feeling my life has no purpose.

My husband and I had been together 4 1/2 years and married on May 1, 2004. My husband was 70 years young and deeply depressed over his business's financial state until he could no longer cope with the fact he could not pay the people he had been conducting business with for the past 50 years.

I wish our love could have been enough for him to stay and face the mounting business problems together.

I love my husband deeply and miss him terribly and I too would like to speak with other widow suvivors and share our experiences. I would like to begin the steps to peace and comfort in which I pray for daily.

It's the most difficult experience of my life and we will never be the same again.


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RE: Husband's suicide

  • Posted by
    rose-mary
    (gw:rose-mary) on
    Sun, Nov 19, 06 at 17:24

I lost my husband through suicide on 02/06/2005.
Nearly 18 months ago, but it feels like yesterday. I will never be able to get over the loss of my darling husband. I met him when I was 15 years old, got married when I was 18 and he was 24. I am now 56 years old and I feel so lost in this world. We spent a life time together, 40 years. We had three children, the eldest,my daughter and two sons. I also have two granddaughters, aged twelve years and six months.
My life ended when I lost my husband. It felt as if three-quarter of my heart was ripped out of my body and it has been extemely hard to come to terms with the way he passed away.It was such a shock for me and my beautiful children. It was first utter disbelief and the worst emotional pain that a humanbeing can go through.
I kept a diary each day since I lost my husband. Writing about the beautiful love we shared and of the terrible pain that we have suffered since he left this world.
I just want to thank my husband for the wonderful 40 years we could share and I want to say thankyou Lord Almighty for helping us through this tragic and sorrowful period we are going through.
My hope is to see my husband again and to give him a hug and to tell him how much we love him.
If I have the courage, I will write further but not now.
I just want to thank Grieving Forum for giving me this opportunity to write about our loss. I have been following all the sad stories and it made me realise how many other people there are who have been suffering and that we are not the only ones. It has taken me a long time to get the courage to write these few words.
I am trying to get my life together again and to get all the fragments of my broken heart together once more.
At first I did not want to live anymore but my children and grandchildren are the reason why I am still here. They are my inspiration and have given me the will to go on.
I just feel so very lonely without my husband.
I will always love him.
May the Lord bless you all and help you find joy again.
Even if I do not know any of you, i just want to say that I love you all!


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RE: Husband's suicide

Hi,
I could use some support. My husband committed suicide on November 4, 04 leaving me with five children, ages 10, 12, 14, 15 and 19 (they were two years younger when it happened). I am dreading the holidays once again because it is so sad without him. I take care of myself through counseling and work and the kids seem to be doing better. But it is helpful for me to connect with others who are going through the same thing. So, welcome your thoughts during this holiday season....Abster


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RE: Husband's suicide

Hi Abster. Hi Vhunter. Hi everyone else.
It has been fifteen months since my husband hanged himself, and I still have not reintegrated with "normal" everyday living. The holiday season just makes me feel ill. As I watch everyone going about their festive business, I just want to scream at them to stop and sit with me in my agony. But not a living soul will stop. I think everyone has lost the true meaning of Christmas, as I think Jesus Christ would stop with me. I think he would sit with me on Christmas day, and cry with me. I don't think he would put on his best clothes, and go off and have his full of the festivities. We are all operating from a different clock from the rest of the world. We are all operating from the clock of grief. We have to sit through trauma time, shock time, confusion time, lonely time, wailing time, frustration time, anger time, devastation time, and extreme sadness time. I am forever changed. My whole being was wrapped up in my husband. He killed himself, and I am like a baby learning to crawl through the dark. I hope I can eventually walk again. I am so so sad. However, I have a therapist who is helping me crawl through the dark. The aftermath of my husband's suicide is much too painful for me to come to terms with alone. There are so many emotions to be confronted and dealt with before reaching the core of the agony. I think I have dealt with many of the peripheral feelings. For example, I would describe anger, shock, denial etc. as peripheral feelings. I am now right in the core of the deep pain that I have lost my lovely husband to depression. All I can do is send you all survival energy, and the spirit of the warrior.


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Carlo, I can totally relate to the holiday thing. With my mother commiting suicide two weeks before christmas and my dad passing not quite a month after christmas, every year is hard. I just wonder sometimes how people can be so full of cheer and and so excited. I just want to tell everyone to freeze and stop what they're doing. Don't they realise how everything is so horrible?? I know thats selfish thinking, christmas should not be a horrible time of year, it should be happy. Its not my place to drag everyone else down with me, so I try my best to make the most of holidays, but its so hard sometimes to be happy and put up with others happiness.

I don't know about losing a husband to suicide, but I imagine a lot of the feelings are pretty simillar when suicide is involved. Regret, guilt, denial, angry, disbelief. I can't say I was angry because I never knew. She was depressed ever since I can remember. It was almost like slow, painful guessing game. Is mom going to be alive when I leave for school this morning, will she still be alive when I get home. If I go visit my dad for a weekend, will she be okay while I'm gone?? We knew it would happen someday, we thought we were prepared, but we weren't. A lot of people liken depression and suicide to losing someone to cancer or some other terminal illness. Especially in cases where you've known the whole time they were depressed. I disagree though. I watched my grandmother die of cancer when I was young. You get to physically see them go down hill. It shows on the outside, its easier to believe, and prepare for, if you can see it. My mom looked healthy, happy. She acted healthy and happy, atleast when others were around. She took great care of her body and appearance. No one ever would've known she was sick. We all knew she was mentally ill, but it was hard to believe how serious it was, when she looked and acted fine more often than not. We all knew it was coming, but unlike a terminal illness, theres always that hope in the back of your head that they'll wake up one day and realise its all worth it and that they can be happy. But, it didn't happen like that.

I think the worst part of getting over it was the guilt, and placing blame. You go through so many viscious cycles of "What ifs" towards things you could've/should've done. Or things other people should have or shouldn't have done. Things you wish you never said, things you wish you couldve had the chance to say. Its crippling, the feeling those thoughts bring on. I can't function when I start thinking like that. Its getting better now, 6 years later. But a few thoughts like that are enough to bring my entire world to stand still, even now.

I feel so much for you who have all lost someone to suicide. Being someone who has lost to long term illness, sudden death and suicide, I would have to say its one of the hardest to deal with in the long run.


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RE: Husband's suicide

After a mid-morning argument and a consecutive hitting beating and stabbing, my husband decided he needed to take his life. We struggled with him for hours to prevent it,until he finally did it in the evening. He wanted to die. He shoot himself and left all of us devastated. It has been 23 days now and I am still disoriented. I still love him, no matter what happened. I understand his deep depression and chronic illnesses. However, a big part of me keep saying, thanks God you are alive. You need to get up and move on. It takes hours to get ready in the morning, I go back to bed a couple of times. I still have lots of anxiety and sense of guilt. If I should have divorced him in early June as I proposed to him , maybe he would be alive. If I would have left the house as he asked me that morning, maybe he should be alive. If I would have never married him...Maybe....All of my questions start with if. I am grieving his death in the middle of the violence he inflicted on me. However, I always keep in mind that suicide was an option for him as he mentioned it before. I always thought it was not for real because he was in treatment. Big mistake. I am in therapy now. It is not easy. I am working hard to take care of myself. Drink milk, get some food and trying to be with people who knows me and love me. I hope I will make it through the year.
Thanks for the postings. They have helped me in knowing that I am not alone.


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Pucky - please know you have my sympathy. My wife took her own life in April.

I noticed in your posting you mentioned "If I. . ." had done this or that, the outcome would have been different. Allow me to tell you what the coroner told me the day of my wife's death. He said there was nothing I could have done to affect this outcome. Since my wife shot herself, I wondered if I had not been vigilant enough in making sure the house was free of things that my wife could hurt herself with. The coroner's exact words were "It wouldn't have made any difference. She would have done with with a sharp stick and a rock if no other means were available."

My point is, you could not have stopped your husband. His illness overtook him and you had no control over that. So, please work to let that portion of your hurt go.

As you said, you are eating well, Good. Surround yourself with those that love you and care about you. Don't neglect your health - start an exercise program if you don't have one.

You sure aren't alone in this. In the states there are 30,000 suicides every year. Stay in touch and let us know how you are doing. It does get easier but this will be the toughest thing you will ever do.

Prayers and best wishes,
Doc


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Pucky,

I am so very, very sorry that you have had to go through all this. God isalive and can get you through this. It sounds to me like you are doing all the right things with His help. I agree with doc, though, that you can let go of the "what if" game. As you are well aware, your husband had very deep issues that caused all his rage and subsequent guilt, and I feel sure none of it related to you personally.

Our prayers are with you at this time.


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RE: Husband's suicide

I just stumbled across this message. My husband took his own life 2 days after Christmas '05. I still struggle with his death every day. There are no local support groups here for survivors of suicide, I live in East Texas as well. If anyone knows of any, please email me.

I am so sorry, and commune in spirit with you all, for all your losses. To know there's others out there that have been through the same thing as I have, helps in a tiny way.


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So sorry for all your losses. I can't imagine what that is like to go through, but everyone needs someone to talk to and help them work out their feelings.

Here is the list for Texas:

Support Groups

Texas

AMARILLO
Group Name & Mailing Address:
Survivors of Suicide
6100 Soncy Road
Amarillo, TX 79119
Contact:
Kris Collins
Phone: 806-457-4993
E-mail: kris.collins@hillsidewired.com
Meeting Place:
Hillside Christian Church and Trinity Fellowship Church
Meeting Day(s)/Meeting Time:
Tuesday nights at 6:30
Facilitated by: Peer
Charge: No
Newsletter: No
Counties Served: Texas Panhandle
Last Updated: 7/1/08

AUSTIN
Group Name & Mailing Address:
Survivors of Suicide
Hospice Austin
4107 Spicewood Springs Rd.
Austin, TX 78759
Contact:
Linda Davis
(512) 560-6115 (mobile)
(512) 502-9924 (work)
2005lindadavis@sbcglobal.net
www.sos-austin.com
Meeting Place: Hospice Austin
Meeting Day(s)/Meeting Time:
1st and 3rd Tuesday of every month from 6:30-8 p.m.
Facilitated by: Peer and Professional
Charge: free - donations accepted
Newsletter: No
Counties Served: All are welcome
Last Updated: 7/1/08

AUSTIN
Group Name & Mailing Address:
For the Love of Christi
Loss of Loved Ones to Suicide (LLOS)
2306 Hancock Drive
Austin, Texas 78756
Contact:
Christi Center
(512) 467-2600
for_love_Christi@yahoo.com
www.forlovechristi.org
Meeting Place: Christi Center Annex at above address
Meeting Day(s)/Meeting Time: Call for details or visit above website
Facilitated by: Staff and Peers
Charge: None
Newsletter: Yes
Counties Served: Travis and Williamson Counties
Last Updated: 5/2007

CORPUS CHRISTI
Group Name & Mailing Address:
Survivors After Suicide
Family Counseling Services
3833 South Staples Street, Suite S203
Corpus Christi, TX 78411
Contact: Margaret at Family Counseling Services (361) 852-9665
Meeting Place: Same
Meeting Day(s)/Meeting Time:
1st Monday of every month at 7:00 pm
Facilitated by: Peer
Charge: No
Newsletter: No
Counties Served: All counties in South Texas
Last Updated: 4/19/07

DALLAS
Group Name & Mailing Address:
Suicide & Crisis Center
2808 Swiss Avenue
Dallas, TX 75204
Contact: Jenyce Gush, 214-824-7020
jenyceg@sccenter.org
www.sccenter.org
Meeting Place: Various locations in the Metroplex area. Please call for details.
Meeting Day(s)/Meeting Time: 7:00 PM - 2nd Wednesday of each month.
Facilitated by: Peer and Professional
Charge: No
Newsletter: Yes
Counties Served: Dallas and surrounding
Last Updated: 03/20/08

FLOWER MOUND
Group Name & Mailing Address:
TBS -- Touched By Suicide
5500 Morriss Road
Flower Mound, TX 75028
Contact: Sue Endsley
(972) 539-0514
admin@tpcfm.org
Meeting Place:
Trinity Presbyterian Church
Flower Mound, TX 75028
Meeting Day(s)/Meeting Time:
2nd & 4th Thursdays at 7:00 p.m
Facilitated by: Peer
Charge: No
Newsletter: No
Counties Served: Denton, Dallas, Tarrant
Last Updated: 11/30/07

FT. WORTH
Group Name & Mailing Address:
Survivors Road2Healing
729 Great Vine Hwy., #356
Hurst, TX 76054
Contact: Louise (972) 999-1399
www.road2healing.com
www.road2healing.com/meetings.html
Meeting Place/Meeting Day(s)/Meeting Time:
Check website for future times and places
Facilitated by: Peer
Charge: No
Newsletter: No
Counties Served: Dallas, Tarrant and surrounding areas
Last Updated: 4/24/07

FT. WORTH
Group Name & Mailing Address:
Survivors of Suicide
3136 W. 4th St.
Ft. Worth, TX, 76107
Contact: Amber Tindell 817-546-7802
ambert@mhatc.org
Meeting Place: Same as above
Meeting Day(s)/Meeting Time:
1st Tuesday of every month 7-8:30 p.m.
Facilitated by: Professional
Charge: No
Newsletter: No
Counties Served: Tarrant
Last Updated: 4/24/07

HOUSTON
Group Name & Mailing Address:
Crisis Intervention of Houston, Inc.
Survivors of Suicide (SOS)
BUSINESS OFFICE:
3015 Richmond Ave. #120,
Houston, TX. 77098
Contact: Brenda Fitch (713) 527-9864
brenda@crisishotline.org
(713)-HOTLINE (468-5463) (24--hour Crisis Hotline)
Meeting Places: S.W. Houston, The Woodlands, Katy
Must call for confidential locations & directions
Meeting Day(s)/Meeting Time: Twice a month -- (Must call for details)
Facilitated by: Peer and Professional
Charge: No
Newsletter: Yes
Counties Served: All are welcome
Last Updated: 7/1/08

LEWISVILLE
Group Name & Mailing Address:
Touched by Suicide
Vista Ridge United Methodist Church
2901 Denton Tap Road
Lewisville, TX 75067
Contact:
Martha Giles, 972-420-7270
ouvcugmu@aol.com
Meeting Places: Vista Ridge United Methodist Church
Meeting Day(s)/Meeting Time: 2nd Thursday of each month
Facilitated by: Martha Giles
Charge: No
Newsletter: No
Counties Served: Denton County
Last Updated: 6/27/08

SAN ANGELO
Group Name & Mailing Address:
The Compassionate Friends
San Angelo Texas Chapter
P.O. Box 61902
San Angelo, TX 76906-1902
Contact: Shirley Grosshans (325) 944-1666
Meeting Place:
St. Marks Presbyterian Church
2506 Johnson St.
San Angelo, TX
Meeting Day(s)/Meeting Time:
3rd Tuesday of every month at 7 p.m.
Facilitated by: Peer
Charge: No
Newsletter: Yes, bi-monthly
Counties Served: Tom Green County and surrounding area
Last Updated: 1/31/06

SAN ANTONIO
Group Name & Mailing Address:
Survivors of Loved Ones' Suicides
8310 Ewing Halsell Drive
San Antonio, TX 78229
Contact:
JoAnn Chavez (210) 616-0885 Ext. 313
g.r.chavez@worldnet.att.net
Meeting Place:
Ecumenical Center for Religion & Health
Meeting Day(s)/Meeting Time:
1st and 3rd Wednesday of every month from 7-8:30 p.m.
Facilitated by: Peer/Professional
Charge: No
Newsletter: No
Counties Served: Bexar,
and everything to the Gulf of Mexico up to Austin
Last Updated: 06/23/08

TEMECULA
Group Name & Mailing Address:
Southwest Family Counciling Grief Recovery
27715 Jefferson Avenue, Suite 113F
Temecula, CA 92590
Contact: Marty Steckdaub (951) 699-3644
msteckdaub@yahoo.com
Meeting Place: Same
Meeting Day(s)/Meeting Time:
1st and 3rd Thursday of every month at 7:15 p.m.
Facilitated by: Peer and Professional
Charge: Contribution to reduce expenses
Newsletter: No
Counties Served: Riverside County California (Southwest) San Diego County California (North Central, Fallbrook, etc)
Last Updated: 10/4/06

WACO
Group Name & Mailing Address:
Support Group for Survivors of Suicide
2323 Columbus Avenue
Waco, TX 76701
Contact:
Mindy (254) 752-9330 Ext. 100
Meeting Place: Advocacy Center for Crime Victims and Children
Meeting Day(s)/Meeting Time:
2nd and 4th Monday of every month from 5:30-7:00 p.m. -- Open Group
Facilitated by:
Charge: No
Newsletter: No
Counties Served: Bosque, Falls, Freestone, Hill, Limestone and McLennan
Last Updated: 2/20/08


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RE: Husband's suicide

In Pfizers case, the suit over the smoking-cessation drug Chantix was filed by the widow of a man who shot himself to death in January, Dow Jones Newswires reports. Hed started using Chantix in late October 2007, according to the suit, filed by Linda Collins of Gas City.
=========================================================
james

Texas Drug Treatment

Here is a link that might be useful: Texas Drug Treatment


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RE: Husband's suicide

Hi. I've never been to this forum and am actually searching for the thyroid forum but...
I am sorry for your loss. In July 07, I got a call at 2:30 am in the morning from my cousin asking me to come over. I went but was too late. My aunt and cousin killed themselves, both. It was tragic so I can identify with some of your feelings. It takes a long time to heal, you never get over it.
Peace,
Carla


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RE: Husband's suicide

My husband committed suicide 3 nights ago, he left no note, and there were no signs of it coming, he seemed happy, making plans for the future, and even went shopping. He has left a devastated wife of 27years and two amazing children. How do you ever make peace with this because for right now we are all just lost.


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RE: Husband's suicide

babsbet -- I am so sorry. Been there. And I can tell you that it IS possible for you to make peace with this huge event in your lives.

Of course you feel 'lost'! You're entitled! Whyever would you not feel lost? This is a shock -- all kinds of repercussions in your lives and feeling lost shields you for the moment, enough to gain strength and courage for the new chapter, the 'life without'....

Take as long as you need, by the way. (Do not listen to folks who suggest you should be 'over this by now')

And let friends drag you out as much as you can bear. My sisterinlaw and another friend FORCED me to go to the movies with them one night. Others INSISTED I visit for dinners (and drove over to get me when I declined). Oddly, life went on. Couldn't be denied. It was months before anyone but my son could make me laugh, but eventually I could see funny stuff again (and also beautiful stuff)

In the immediate aftermath of my husband's (totally unexpected) suicide, I met a woman with a similar experience. Someone gave me her phone number, I think a friend of a friend of a co-worker who had heard a rumor from someone else about the woman's experience -- strange how convoluted and wonderful the connections between people are. Anyway, took me weeks to give her a call, must have dialed the phone a hundred times before I actually let it ring. We became friends. I believe she was the only person who understood, at that point, what I was going through -- the guilt and the worry about survivors (self, children especially) and the great big 'why?' which make suicide different from other deaths.

Maybe this will help you, maybe not. I was actually looking for planting advice when 'suicide' jumped out at me on GW. Don't want to be intrusive, but of course if want to respond I will be happy to listen.


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My friend and partner committed suicide June 21st of 2010. I was overwhelmed by calls of support during the first 48 hours. Now - nothing. I am afraid to call people because I don't know what to say. My grief is hard enough for me to bear and they are busy. But neither do they call me.

I keep going - I breath, I sing, I go for long walks and I cry but I just don't see things getting any better. I'd love to go to a survivors group but I work second shift. If I do not work, I do not get paid. It is as simple as that. Where can I find a group that meets during my non-working hours?


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RE: Husband's suicide

I too lost my precious husband to suicide in Feb. I relate very much to all of your feelings. YOU are not alone. After six months I managed to go to my local suicide survivors support group. It was so helpful to me and I urge you to try it. I also actively sought out and connected with other survivors. I knew it was the only way I'd make it through. I think we must be kind to ourselves and care for ourselves just as we would if someone we loved were going through this. My husband ( and yours too I'm sure)would be truly devastated if he knew the pain this has caused me. I try to carry on for him. Depression stole his life I cannot let it ruin mine. I've also read a lot. Touched by suicide by Carla Fine is wonderful. I pray that one day life will come back to all of us survivors. From what I've heard it will, hold on to that....I do.


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