Babka, you had me roaring with laughter painting that image! LOL. Regardless, you have beautiful surroundings, from every angle! LOL It was a treat to see some of your plants (white pots) and the way you had them displayed. It looked lovely....and I understand why you would remove the pics after a time. Thanks for coming back to reply. :-) Mocc, I really appreciate it, but I don't want you to feel put upon. Relax, enjoy your week-end! Have a great week-end, All! Jo

My mother passed away April 13th 2022. she raised me and my sister, as a single mother. she worked 2 jobs to ptovide for us, but we took her for granted as children. When the mother of my 2 children passed away in 2016, my mother moved in with us. My mother helped raise my daughter(16 now) and my son(15 now) for almost a decade. My mother was more than just my best friend, she was my only friend. i have complex PTSD, and she was the only one that i trusted enough to talk about the war with… she went with me to the VA, when i had to. she gave me strength, she always seemed to understand things that other people either couldnt or didnt want to understand… my dog died about a month before my mother did… 2022 has taken a lot from me and my 2 children… they saw her as a mother, as much as me… i go from feeling numb to feeling deep sadness and loss… i don‘t want to give up, but i always needed her support. she died from cancer, after being on immunotherapy for 2 years… she suffered from many side effects, for most of her treatment. she became so thin near the end that it was painful to see her like that… i was with her until the end, and it may sound strange but i held her for some time after she died and just sobbed onto her… i talk to her still thst she is dead for months, but i still wake up thinking that she is alive… i beli my mother is in heaven, but selfishly i just want my mom back… i miss my only friend… i miss the only selfless person that i ever met… i feel so empty, and i did not think that id feel so lost… she gave me direction when i didnt know what to do… i hope this posts, it does give comfort to know that i am not a

Hello all... thanks for all the kind words. I am still trying to struggle through the day. Somedays I am ok, but others not that great. It was her birthday on October 20th. She would have been 64 or "39" as she would have said. We went to the park and fed the ducks... she always liked to do that. I also brought daisys and popped the tops off and placed them in the water. I miss the way that I would call her and she would be willing to go with me on what ever adventure I wanted to go on that day. She was always there for me. I know I am lucky to have a person like that and that it was my Mom, but it hurts no less. I am trying to build a new "normal". It is rough though because everything I do reminds me of her. I started to move around furniture in our house and I was thinking that everything I touched we bought together. She was a great decorator and I have no decorating sense at all. I just wonder when the feeling that I am completly lost and alone will go away. The holidays are coming and I hate it. I think we are going to plan a vacation at Christmas so I don't have to think about it. I don't know about Thanksgiving. Mom used to make the best mashed potatoes. This is so freaking hard. I think I am going to check into counseling again. It is so hard because I put on a strong face when I am out, but crumble when I get to my car or at home. I talk to my husband, but I don't think he really understands. What do you all do for the holidays?? Any ideas on how to get through them?

Demon Based on what you've said here, I think you've made the right decision. It concerns me that his reaction is to blame the child and focus on how it affects 'him'. Classic abuser behavior. I'm even a little concerned that his reaction will change from cooperative to hostile when he realizes that tactic won't work. If I were you, I'd set up a strong support system. I have a feeling you are going to need it. I also agree with silver, it's not a waste of time to learn such a valuable lesson. When I left my ex at 29, I spent years feeling sorry for myself because I wasted my 20's in a crappy situation. But, the worse part wasn't the time I wasted, it was that my kids were in that crappy situation for 7 years and you can thank your lucky stars you figured it out in less than a year. Your daughter is young and you can spend some time in counseling and might even think about working on your parenting skills too. Before, you said you were lax in discipline, so now might be a good time to shift your focus on improving things in your life. When I was a single parent, I was also too lax and inconsistent. It's so easy to parent out of guilt too. My kids were pre-teens when I began to force myself to be consistent and push the guilt to the back of my head and it's been tough. I still struggle with guilt because they know how to make me feel guilty. Good luck.