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Two Anniversaries

Posted by secsteve (My Page) on
Sun, Jul 17, 05 at 9:26

Just finished lighting our memorial candle for my MIL. Twelve days from now we'll light it again for my mom.

It still seems like just yesterday that we lost them and those had to be the worst twelve days in my life. MIL was in CA and flew out there for funeral. Came back and left to go back to try and spend last days with mom, but by the time I got back, she had left us.

Each anniversary is different for me. At times I feel depressed, sometimes sad and other times just an empty feeling. I still find myself thinking "It's Sunday and I have to call mom at..." We'd call each other every Sunday and catch up on everything back there in MI and with me in VA.

I miss them both terribly and glad I have this forum to share these feelings. I'm also glad that I found a wonderful grieve support group 6 monthes after they both passed that was really helpful.

A friend of ours remarked how unfortunate it was that they died within twelve days of each other. I never thought about it till she mentioned it and it was true. Didn't have time to grieve for one before the other passed away.

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: Two Anniversaries

Wow, that is a lot to bear. My sympathies to you.

My mother has been gone nearly a year, and for the nine months prior to her death, she was slipping away bit by bit as she had a brain tumor. We were extraordinarily close. I used to call her every day between 10 and 10:30 AM and she'd pick up the phone with a quip such as "Cold outside today!" or "Good morning!" in a tone which implied she knew it was me. I used to tease her and say "some day you're going to do that and it won't be me!"

When she got sick and started getting confused, that morning chit chat was the first thing I missed. We used to go out every weekend, shopping and for lunch. To this day, I still can't get used to having my weekends to myself, and it's been a year and a half since we did that. The other night, I caught myself thinking "oh I should call Mom and tell her...." And I hadn't been able to talk to her on the phone for over a year, because as her disease progressed she didn't understand the telephone concept. It's an awful, horrible thing to watch anyone's mind deteriorate, whether it's from a tumor, Alzheimer's, or dementia. I liken it to watching a computer's CPU just blow up in front of you.

Interesting words you used: " the time I got back, she had left us." I feel abandoned sometimes, like my mom left me. Now that I have NO parents, I really feel like an orphan.....and let me tell you that I am over 40 years of age. But you lose your anchor -- and say goodbye to your childhood -- when you bury your parents.

RE: Two Anniversaries

My sincere sympathies go out to each of you. I can relate to what each of you said about the ways you miss your moms. I feel the same way. Sometimes I still think for a second that I want to call Mom or Christin to tell them something or I want to go visit Mom. I think that even though our minds know that they are gone, our hearts may not have completely accepted it yet.
I feel that the essence of them really aren't "dead". Their spirits live on forever. They are just gone for now.

Here is a link that might be useful: Christin Cosby Memorial Web Site

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