it sounds like you're both feeling her absence (I've noticed that guys, simply because they don't have girlfriends to cry to, tend to respond to pain by being short-tempered)

and no, after being on good behavior for two straight days and making sure I didn't rain on anyone else's parade- I'd have fallen over, dragged myself under the couch, and sat there in the dark, crying with the cats.

hopefully, things will improve over the next few weeks. doing something 'for her' helps - work with a reading program 'for' my nanna (who left me her library) and garden 'for' my aunt, who was dreadfully talented with paints, but couldn't keep a spider plant alive.

it does help.and staying busy yourself will help chase off the sharks with stethescopes.

Hi Shirley,

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my brother in May (just after his birthday). We've had to 'celebrate' 2 special occassions without him (father's day & my parent's anniversary). It was hard, probably harder for my parents. I did my best to smile and keep spirits up, even though I wanted to just close the bedroom door and stay in bed under the covers.
I'm dreading this Saturday, my birthday, my brother never forgot it and would always give me a call. Even when he was away on holidays,in the middle of no where, he'd find a phone and send a card. It's going to be a tough day.

But then I remember his smile & laughter (good humour), and it helps get me though the day.

Keep Well

Cynthia

Ah, Shirley, I wouldn't call it whining. You're not a whiner. You're a mother in pain. And it sounds to me as though you're doing an admirable job of dealing with it.

Susan

I also agree with what Susan said, Shirley. My gosh, you are not whining. I find birthdays so hard since I lost my daughter. Birthdays for me are a time for me to think about what could and should have been. It was very admirable for you and your husband to have gone to his birthday celebration!
I found that my grief became worse after the first year after Christin left us. I think for at least the first year, my body was in total disbelief and shock. It gradually wore off as my body could handle it even though it has been very hard. I still don't think I have reached full "acceptance". I don't think that will ever come.
I'm so sorry about the loss of your daughter!
Lu

Thank you all for your kind words. Neither of us can let go of our emotions. We've both been sick with one thing or another every since Shelly died. Our PA said it was highly possible that this was our body's way of coping.

Our youngest daughter, Tanya, says that she writes letters to Shelly. I didn't think to ask her waht she does with them, but I'm thinking that's a good idea.

shirley

Shirley, I think it's a great idea. This should be very therapeutic for her. Any avenue to vent her feelings is a good one.
Lu