I am my Momma's oldest daughter. I lost her August 9, 2008 and that date is approaching very fast. It is very hard for me to believe that a year has already passed....I have NEVER went so long without my Momma!

Hugs (()) to you because I feel as you do.....I wish I could lay my head in her lap and have her stroke my hair, see her smile again. I feel as if the longing will never go away.

I know we will one day be together again and this does bring a small amount of comfort but I have found nothing that aleviates or fills the hole I have in me.

I have a child of my own and I love him more than anything. I know that even when I pass I will still love him more than anything and thru this, I am assured that my Momma loves me in the same way and always will. Time cannot destroy love because 'Love is more than a feeling and forever is more than a word'.

Please know you are not alone and that your parents still love you more than anything.

Blessings...

The past few days I've been pretending that my Mom was rubbing my forehead like she used to do as I try to sleep. It was comforting to me. Her death was sudden so I'm still in shock. I feel like I see her out of the corner of my eye and then I realize it's a shadow or something in the house. I know what you mean about how disorienting it is. I think part of me still believes she's coming back.

The crying you're experiencing is actually good for you. It's a healthy release of sadness. Don't stop your tears! I did that with my Dad and it was a big mistake. Let yourself cry like a child. It will help you deal with this.

It sounds like you've been through your own health crisis so I hope you have people around you looking after you. I'm sorry you have to go through all this.

Thank you so much for your kindness, and for sharing your sense of loss so like my own. You are right, the day will come when we are reunited.
What a wonderful blessing that you can feel the continuence of love through your love for your son!
What can fill the holes left in our souls?
For me it is only the Saviours love that heals my heart. We are meant to grieve, meant to interact with others and evoke deep emotions from them, we are meant to share as we all have done on this forum. It is part of our healing to know others hurt as we do... My heart is with you, sending love and peace to you, Vicki

Thank you for sharing your feelings. It just goes to show that when we are in the presence of our parents, we are all still children.
I have that feeling sometimes too. I want so badly to go to my parents house. but no one is there. my parents were deeply in debt and the house was falling apart. My brother and sister did not want it and I can not aford it. So it sits empty waiting for the bank to foreclose.
I have gone there and found all the doors open, its been broken into. I went inside and I don't know what I hoped to find. What ever I was looking for was not there. I sat on the floor in thier bedroom crying out loud like a small child. That is until I heard a voice asking, 'what you want? what you want.... my phone was in my pocket and had dialed the local chinese restraunt! lol Well, that made me laugh as hysterically as I had cried. I hoped that if there way any way for Momma and Daddy to know about that, that they had and had laughed with me! Both of them had such a good sence of humor.
I came to understand that I wanted was to feel loved, to feel nurtured, to be mothered. Since I could not have that, I decided to give it. The next time I had that longing to go to their house I cut flowers from my yard and took them to an elderly woman close by who had recently lost her husband. The joy those flowers brought to that woman lifted my grief... I felt that my Momma was shinning love right down on me at that moment!
I go out to our cemetary sometimes just to sit and visit. All the people burried there are relitives of mine. I sometimes try to picture the resurection and how happy that little patch of ground will be with all my generations reunited!
God bless you, and my God heal your heart, Vicki

It would be so difficult to deal with a house in that situation. I wish your bro and sister would change their minds. I'm staying at my Mom's house now and all her stuff is here. It's comforting, although the idea of changing anything seems unlikely. I will probably keep it this way forever if I can. It's so hard dealing with the physical part of them not being here. I look around her home almost like I'm waiting for her to come back.