Feeling guilty because I miss my dog-Part 2
kms4me
12 years ago
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kms4me
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoBurtsmomforever
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
I feel guilty just thinking about it -- HELP!
Comments (18)Now that I'm feeling less guilty about the planned shrub removal.... What's the best removal method? According to my mother (who coincidentally recently saw a PBS program that covered this topic) the best method is to use a truck and tow chain because digging won't remove enough of the roots. The truck isn't a problem: I have a 4wd 1/2 ton -- and access to bigger vehicles if necessary. I'm sure I can borrow a tow chain. (Probably the most difficult part of planning the extraction will be avoiding having the truck keys end up in the hands of anyone with a "y" chromosome. I can just see the whole thing ending as a nightmare version of "Home Improvement.") Any other suggestions for getting rid of older, overgrown yews? If I pull them out, should I saturate the ground first? Any cautions? (I've been towing horse trailers for years, so on the pulling part I'm ok.) Lorree...See MoreI miss my dog!
Comments (14)I am so sorry for your loss!! Like so many others on this post, I too have recently lost a very beloved pet----my wonderful, loving cat, Taf! He was two when we rescued him (a neighbor no longer wanted him and was going to "dump" him at our local landfill---a place some low-lifes dump their unwanted cats) and he recently died of cancer complications at 14 years of age. I can't tell you how painful that was, even though we knew it was coming since he was diagnosed with cancer two years ago and has been treated with chemo and other meds for the two years since. Even expecting it as he went down-hill the weeks before his death, I cried and cried and the whole day after his death I felt such guilt wondering if I should have done more for him at the end. I was sobbing so bad that whole day that my eyes were swollen by the end of the day. You see, some people feel guilt because they brought their pets to the vet to euthanize them, but I had such guilt because I did not do that in a timely manner! My little guy HATED going to the vet especially after spending three days at our regional animal hospital center two years ago when we tried to find out what was wrong with him and his cancer diagnosis was the result. After that, even just going to our regular vet for frequent progress check-ups caused him so much stress and unhappiness. So---not wanting to cause him any more stress than possible, I kept putting off taking him in to be euthanized even though I knew he was dying that last day. By late night, I realized just how very sick he was and it was then, when it was too late to bring him in, that I realized he was possibly in pain---hard to determine initially because of how cats do hide their pain. By the very early morning hours of the next day, he had passed away here at home. On the one hand, I was thankful he did die on his soft, comfortable bed in the home he loved but on the other hand, I feel so awful to think that he suffered at the end because I dreaded (for both him and me) bringing him to the vet a good 12 hours before he passed away, when I probably should have. It has been 6 weeks and it is still so painful when I think of it. And I still miss him so much. The only thing that gives me peace when he first passed away and even now, is just knowing in my heart that he is in a happier place, running and playing and comfortable and happy. I do believe in my heart that our beloved animal buddies have a spirit, like we do, in our physical bodies (note how we all have that essence, that special personality that makes us all different from even our own brothers and sisters) and even though the physical body may cease, the spirit always lives on in a different place. I also believe in my heart that the God that I pray to is a loving and kind God and His love extends to every living thing----how could He not provide for the spirit to continue on of the loving and sweet companion animals we all love. I realize others might feel differently, but I know that this gives me great peace. The other thing that gives me peace is knowing that if we had not rescued him twelve years ago, he would likely have had a horrible life. He had a loving, comfortable and happy life with us for 12 years. Again, I extend my sympathy and hope that you can think of the good life you gave your beloved dog and find peace in that. I do believe that as time goes on, it becomes less painful even though we will never forget them!...See MoreI feel so Guilty
Comments (35)Cs is up to the bioparent. They're responsibility. And any parent who depends on the ex new wife or husband for hand me outs has real issue here. CS should come from the father. Now if his job is not giving him hours, the bobaty why hasn't your husband got at least a parttime job else where? And i do agree with one thing colleens stated, and i completely forgot to mention it too because my husband said it as well. WHy is your husband telling financial details about the selling of your mothers house? He had no business telling her that. If my husband told his ex i did that and she expected money from him and yes she is like this too. oh you dont have the money, why cant you borrow money from maria. She's said that a number of times and low and behold so has sd. My response: I AM NO ONES FREAKIN' BANK! If your dad doesnt have the money then the money is not there. What did your mom do with the 500 bucks he gave her this time?? ' Money to me is a touchy subject because i work my butt off and so does my hubby , money doesn't grow on trees. And as i was saying before if my hubby told ex that i sold my place i would be livid. That is not her business. My husband ex at the beginnning would call me his rich girlfriend. Yup, i have money, i save , i'm a non smoker so i dont trash 300$ in the garbage per month for a cancer habit. I dont live beyond my means. and have reserves in case of emergencies. I bailed my husband out thousands of dollars because he put himself in debt. WHich i got back because he paid me back slowly all these years. That was a one deal thing andi will not do it again. I love my husband , dont get me wrong but i will not support his ex family especially after all the Cr*p the exwife put us through. I wont be used in that manner And yes i agree with you vivian. after courts, and accusations and games, you dont have any love for the other woman causing hell in your life so its her tough if she can't make ends meet especially with the amount my dh dishes for her. SHE can make the decision to change her life. 1. quite smoking and using pot 2. go find a new job to support your family . 3. get respect from your new husband and tell him to stop treating your kids so poorly. And yes, believer i would also like to know if CS is being paid for the daughter living with you guys. That being said, if ex and my hubby were best of friends, and we were all working together for the kids, and she was short because of too many bills and needed a loan, than i would not mind giving a friend a loan of cash especially if one of her kids were sick or had a cavity to fill and needed the cash and she would pay me back. I wont let the kid suffer. BUt we are not friends. SHe ditched me from the beginning and she trashed both my husband and i from the beginning and worst of all she directs it at the kids and they know its not us!...so god knows what they will think of their mom when they are older. I wont be her doormatt. No way. She can dust herself off and get a job. As for this case, i think bobaty you did the right thing for your sick sd but dont let your finances feed the ex. You are already tight as it is with two jobs and 4 kids inthe house. You must so tired at times....See MoreFeeling guilty....
Comments (9)Thanks everyone. Every single one of you had something to say that really spoke to me and you had some good ideas, too. You are the best! It helps immensely just that other people can see a *reason* for my feelings. I have tried to talk to DH about it and he gets defensive/angry. He just tells me "well, you have to separate SS from BM" and I do, as best I can....but it's like DH cannot see that the last 5+ years have CREATED the situation we have now. It is tough because when SS's with BM we don't hear much from her and things are peaceful. When SS is with US, though, it's like she calls all the time and I feel like we've got a third person in our marriage. A lot of it is DH, too. DH went through a guilty phase when we first lived together. He would NEVER do anything w/DD when SS wasn't with us. I can understand that. But it was to the point where he expected me to find a babysitter for her on weekends that SS wasn't with us....DH was so USED to parenting 50% of the time, and it took him a good year to warm up to being a parent to DD all the time. I used to REALLY resent him for that---it hurt my feelings. In the beginning, when SS wasn't with him, he'd go out w/the boys and I'd be home with DD. We would only do "fun, family activities" when SS was with us. That made me in a twisted way resent SS's presence---I felt like DH only valued time with his son. I felt like he expected DD to sit on a shelf while SS was with his mom, but then when SS was with us, DH would be all attentive and we'd pack the weekend with trips to the pumpkin patch, the park, the zoo, etc. Anyway, this is all 3 years ago and I need to move past it. For the last 2+ years, DH has been GREAT. He is super close to DD and he has gotten past all his guilt about having her with us all the time. I can say he truly loves her as his own. We plan "bigger" activities for when SS is with us---for example, we will all go to the pumpkin patch this weekend---but DH and I do things w/DD, too, like take her to the park, go out to breakfast, etc. DH spends time alone w/DD, too, and she loves what she calls "father/daughter" time. But then that makes me feel MORE guilty at times because DH's relationship with DD is WAY BETTER than mine with SS. BUT that is comparing apples to oranges. DD doesn't HAVE a dad. DH IS her dad now. DD is with us 100% of the time. DH is not really a "step-parent" to her. He gets to go to fathers' things at her school, she calls him "daddy," he goes to parent/teacher conferences w/me, volunteers at her school, etc. HE IS DAD TO HER. SS HAS a mom. I will never be in that role for him. So it is very different. Then I think it's extra hard because with DD and SS both being the SAME age (they are 6 wks apart) I have a side by side comparison. I know how I feel about DD and given that SS is the same age, it makes it clearer to me that I don't feel that way about him. If he were a different age than DD, I might be able to relate to him in a different way and that would help make define my relationship with him in a special way. Does that make any sense?...See MoreLisa7112
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