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I'm Having A Hard Time.....

Posted by JenniferW (My Page) on
Fri, Jun 10, 05 at 21:39

The last few days I've been really sad. Not crying necessarily, but it feels like my heart's gonna explode from all of the feelings I have going through me. I miss my mom SO much. I just want her back here, even for just a little bit so I could tell her how much I loved her and how sorry I am for being stubborn and not talking to her for the last 2 years. Before our fallout she was such a great mother to me and I'll forever miss her with all of my heart and soul. Even during our separation these last 2 years, she'd try to call me and I wouldn't give in. On my last birthday she called my work and asked them to tell me Happy Birthday from her and that she loved me. Why the hell didn't I just give in then and call her? Now I'll never get to say the things to her that I need to say. I'm feeling hopeless and VERY sad!

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: I'm Having A Hard Time.....

Oh Jennifer, you are having a tough time! Reread the previous thread you started as there are some good thoughts there, especially Chinacat's suggestions for things you can do in your mother's memory. She gives some really good ideas to keep yourself busy and do something positive.

I'm so sorry for your emotional suffering. Take care.


RE: I'm Having A Hard Time.....

Jennifer, I think you still can tell her how much you love her and that you're sorry. Or write her a letter. From my own experiences, I believe she can hear you. Your mother knows you love her. My mom died seven years ago when I was 19, so I know what you are going through. It is hard but you have to stop beating yourself up. I agree with the others to do something positive to honor her memory.

RE: I'm Having A Hard Time.....

Hi Jennifer,

Whatever your reasons were for being estranged from your mom, I'm sure they SEEMED reasonable at the time...whether they were or not.

You may be guilty of being stubborn, but you don't deserve to suffer forever because of it. If you had KNOWN what you know now, OF COURSE you would have made up. You've learned a tough lesson, and it's to your credit (and your mom's) that you've shared it with others. Your mom raised a daughter with a conscience. She has forgiven you. Do you think maybe she wants you to forgive yourself?

RE: I'm Having A Hard Time.....

Jennifer, I hope you're not holding in your tears. If you feel as though your heart could explode, perhaps you need to cry. If I don't have a "good" cry every so often, the grief builds. I agree that you can still tell your mom anything and everything you want to. She can hear you telepathically, but scream it if you have to. Or write. Whatever method you choose, she will receive.


RE: I'm Having A Hard Time.....

I believe that your mom knows how much you love her and how sorry you are. Talk to her now and tell her all you want to tell her. You could even write her a letter with all you want her to know and attach it to helium balloon and let it go. This is a symbolic gesture and many times it is quite healing. You've got to forgive yourself. You know how much your mom loved you and she would not want her daughter to suffer as you are suffering. If you have children, imagine the tables being turned and how you wouldn't want your child to suffer that agony after you are gone.
I believe that you will see your mom again. She will be waiting for you with open arms, and you will be together much longer than you have been together here on earth. Try to live the life that she gave you to the fullest and make it a happy life. This will make your mom happy.
Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.

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