Return to the Grieving Forum | Post a Follow-Up

long-distance boyfriend's mum died... I need help

Posted by girlfriendfail (My Page) on
Wed, Jun 24, 09 at 21:36

I hope someone can help.. I feel like a horrible person.

I am in a long-distance relationship (not for much longer, we're moving!) but in a sudden, devastating turn of events, his mum had a stroke and died. I am not able to go and see him before he leaves to go to the funeral and etc (he is from another country, his parents were here visiting when it happened). I want to send him a care package or something, but I don't know what I can possibly send that will show how much I love him, am hurting for him, and want to support him. He's very logical, left-brained, focused... it's hard for him to show emotions but I know he is hurting very badly over this. Does anybody have any ideas of what I can say, write, send to help? Any guys been through this (I pray not...) and can advise on some things you might have wanted or needed to receive from someone if you were in this situation?

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: long-distance boyfriend's mum died... I need help

You could consider posting a tribute on the web to show your caring and feature his mother along with any photos or video of time you may have spent together. Also you could create a special message or poem to show him that you are sad for his loss whch is also your loss because you will not have the option to experience his Mothers Joy. My son in law lost his mother last year. Like many men, it is hard to show emotion. There were cultural difference between our families. Our daughter showed her love and support by just being there for him. Even though at times she was ignored becuause his pain caused him to be unbalanced at times, she did not take this personlly. As the 'dust of his emotional toil' began to settle, and he could see further from his centre, there in the distance was his sweetheart.... wating and knowing that one day they would be each others strength. Never be afraid to show that you love him, and that you are there for him, inspite of others who may not always understand you.

RE: long-distance boyfriend's mum died... I need help

Thank you Brent... for both the suggestion and the reminder that him closing off now is normal--it doesn't mean he is pulling away from me or needs me any less--he just can't see past himself and his grieving father too. I think I am going to send, among other things, two cards--a sympathy one and a 'love' one. One to remind him I am here for him in the pain of the present, and one to remind him of the future we have together and that things will be okay. Never the same, but we will make it... together.

RE: long-distance boyfriend's mum died... I need help

My mom died 3 months ago, my grandma died last week. My dad, a left-brained engineer, was unable to think clearly after my mom died. I made meals, but perhaps you can send restaurant gift cards so he can get something quick to eat. If you decide to send a care package, perhaps include his favorite snacks. If you happen to have a photo of your friend and his mom together, send that. Good luck to you.

 o Post a Follow-Up

Please Note: Only registered members are able to post messages to this forum.

    If you are a member, please log in.

    If you aren't yet a member, join now!

Return to the Grieving Forum

Information about Posting

  • You must be logged in to post a message. Once you are logged in, a posting window will appear at the bottom of the messages. If you are not a member, please register for an account.
  • Please review our Rules of Play before posting.
  • Posting is a two-step process. Once you have composed your message, you will be taken to the preview page. You will then have a chance to review your post, make changes and upload photos.
  • After posting your message, you may need to refresh the forum page in order to see it.
  • Before posting copyrighted material, please read about Copyright and Fair Use.
  • We have a strict no-advertising policy!
  • If you would like to practice posting or uploading photos, please visit our Test forum.
  • If you need assistance, please Contact Us and we will be happy to help.

Learn more about in-text links on this page here