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The Nagging Questions

Posted by Lulie___Wayne (lulieathome@aol.com) on
Thu, Jun 24, 04 at 17:21

I guess I had kinda forgotten all of the feelings that go along with intense grief since it has been 6 years since Christin left us. Now, I'm starting brand new with Mom. It has been 3 weeks since Mom left and I have so many questions and "if only's" with dealing with her leaving us.
It's such a confusing time and even though my recent grief for Christin has not been as intense, I feel that my two griefs are overlapping making it confusing. Does that make any sense at all? I know that some of you here have had several deaths to deal with in a short time period. Do you know what I'm talking about???????
Lu


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: The Nagging Questions

lu..i have not but from what you said its probably the fact that you are grieving for each of them in a different way...one just as painful as the other..and the roller coaster we all have discussed is moving ..but not in sync with each other...and im sure that is very confusing for you....i will be curious to see what others who have experienced similiar losses have felt....


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RE: The Nagging Questions

Lu I know what your saying. I am still that way after 2 years. It wasnt only my dad and daughter who passed in 2002 but also 2 others. My husbands best friend who had just turned 40 died suddenly from adult resporitory distress syndrome. 2 weeks later we lost dad-5 weeks later Lindsey and 3 months later my husbands 44 year old cousin from a heart attack(his only other best friend). Sometimes I wonder how many years it takes to not be numb anymore. Its as if we are still saying "What happened?" still thinking that it all cant be real. I do know what you mean Lu about it being confusing. We just have to keep our faith and know that we will be with them in time. Julie


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RE: The Nagging Questions

Good Morning, Lu
I think the new loss rekindles the older ones. Sometimes it seems impossible to grieve for one of my folks without the other...it all rolls up into one big saddness. I know you must be missing them both so much. You seem to have dealt with the loss of Christin in some very positive ways, so I expect you will find your way again, now, without your Mom. How is your Daddy doing with it?
I can only say to remember what you know....the burden gets a bit easier to carry as time goes by. But it will always be there. ((((Lulie))))) Derry


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RE: The Nagging Questions

Lu, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. From your experience with Christin your head knows there will be questions that will never be answered to your satisfaction. It will be difficult for your heart to accept that, and you may never accept it.

My husband lost both his parents and our son in 11 months. This was in 2000-2001 and he has not recovered. I don't think he will ever be able to move past these losses; he seems permanently diminished.

I wish I could say something to make you feel better. All I can offer is a sympathetic ear and cyber arms to hug you with.

One foot in front of the other. Breathe in, breathe out. Dianne


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RE: The Nagging Questions

Thankfully the devastating losses in my family of both my brothers at young ages were separated by 8 years. But Dan's death, which we never even considered (that kind of stuff doesn't happen to the same family twice =\) immediately brought razor sharp recollection of Ron's slow and greusome death to Leukemia. After Ron died we loved eachother even more, and Dan was the shining star of our family, which has been through its share of dysfunction. Both Dan and I rose above the challenges of a rough home life: 3 days before his death I graduated Magna Cum Laude and he was on his way to Aeronautical school.
I was 14 when my big brother, who I was also very close to, finally passed away. In his case, there was an element of .... relief, for he had suffered terribly from the disease and chemo"therapy".
For Dan, it was quick and painless. For us, it has been long and painful. I'm just thankful for the time we had with them, wincing when I say that about Dan because really I'm Pi**ed off that I can't ever hang out with him again. I guess time had eased the pain and healed me somewhat and this is so fresh and raw... and I already have practice at thinking about my dead brother.
A few more days will mark a month, and I went back to work today. I find it keeps my mind in a better place out of neccesity - the nights are still really hard. I don't even want to feel the way about Dan that I did eventually come to feel about Ron. Distant. He is worth every crushing wave of pain. I want him back!!!.

Sorry to make this all about me... you did ask a leading question, didn't you...

;)


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