I'm so sorry. I won't say i know your pain, because i don't, but i have also lost my father suddenly. two weeks ago today i found him in his truck. The medical examiner said it was a massive heart attack. I never and i don't think he knew either that anything was wrong. I love my dad so much! He was the greatest dad ever. He taught me how to fish, hunt, play golf, and anything else i wanted to learn. When i grew up (i'm 34), he was still my favority fishing buddy and golf partner. I can't tell you all the good my dad did for our community. I was so proud of who my dad was, and would brag about him to my friends all the time. he was a great man. Now i can't even think of fishing again, or playing golf. I know he would tell me to go and have fun, but i don't want to. I just want my dad back. I feel cheated. I should have been there, my dad should have never been alone when he went. It probably wouldn't have mattered, but at least ... i maybe could have comforted him in some way. I hope that he wasn't scared or hurting badly. God, why? the weekend before he left us, we were suppose to go fishing, but it poured down the rain. my question is if God knew he was going to take my dad, why couldn't i have that last trip. i know that's selfish, but that's how i feel. I miss him so much. I still need him. Just the other day i said to myself, "dad would know what to do here" and started to call his cell phone, only to realize that it was on the table beside of me. I love you dad, just want you to come home.

I am so sorry for your loss. Its a little crazy to say those words to you because I thought I would flip out as people said that to me at the funeral home on the night of my Dad's viewing. People kept saying I am sorry for your loss... I finally said to someone, for Gods sake he isnt lost he's dead!I did quiet a bit of flipping out in the first few months after he died. It was sudden even though he was dying of lung cancer. One morning he woke up early as always and told my sister he wanted eggs for breakfast and she helped him get on the potty chair and then went to start his breakfast, she popped her head back in the living room a few seconds later to see if he was done on the potty and he was dead. His heart just stopped. I still talk to my Dad. I look at his pictures and I pour my heart out just like if he was in the room with me. I have a deep and abiding faith that there is an after life, that there is a spirit world where we are reunited with our loved ones. I was on chemo therapy when he died. I also was in college. I took a week off at first and since we were past spring break I did my best to finish up the semester. I only dropped one class. I wish I had not dropped the class. I tried to go back the next semester but even with a very light load it was emotionally too much. Its been two years since he died. I am planning to return to school in january 2010. You are not 'the man of the house'. You may be the only male or the oldest male but your Dad was the man of the house and its just too much preasure to on you. Be a great big brother to your sister, allow yourself to feel what you really feel. Let her see your grief when it comes. Remember the good times together and tell 'Dad' stories. Laugh as much as you can. My sister moved in with my Momma after Dad passed. She would rent really funny movies to show Momma. My Mom's favorite movie was 'white chicks'. Isn't that a hoot? This dignified (almost) 77 year old woman getting histerical over white chicks? It still cracks me up to remember it. Do things to celebrate his life. Plant a tree, or donate a bench to a park in his name. There are lots of things you can do on very little money to remember him. I planted a 'forgivness garden' right after we found out he was dying of cancer. I was told this by a friend from church: "Never forget that your Father is with his Father in heaven now. He is surronded my loving relatives who have waited a long time for his return." Your Dad is too. Hey, maybe they even know each other??? Try a grief support group. I still go to one sponcered by the hospice that took care of my both of my parents. God bless you, you will survive this. I promise. Heavenly Father will NEVER put more on you than you can bare up under. Keep posting on this site too. It helps. Vicki

Kelley, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. I can't say I understand the pain you are going through (no one can because everyone's grief is different). And I haven't lost my father, But all I can say is that I am glad you were able to spend the last moments/seconds of his life with him & say goodbye. So many people don't get that opporunity. It is precious time. I held my little boy in my arms as he breathed his last breath & I am so grateful I had the chance to hold him & tell him how much I loved him as I had to say goodbye before he was taken away. As heartbreaking as it was (and how that 2 weeks in the hospital will live with me forever), I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. It was so hard for me to get out of bed for a long time after. And everyday when I look at the clock and it says 8:23am (the time he died). I relive that moment again. Just take each moment at a time & do what you can do to get through. As hard as it is to believe it right now, it will get easier to get through each day. I didn't believe it when everyone said it at first but it does get easier. I still have days that are worse than others but I also have more days where I can be happy & know my son is with me wherever I go & wouldn't want to see me sad. Keep in touch here..This place helped me right from the beginning. I was so glad to find it & glad you did too! Take care of yourself!

Hi kath, I'm sorry that your Dad has this heartache to deal with, but without his brother recognizing him, it's been a problem for a time and this will put an end to that ongoing heartache. I hope that you can call and talk frequently for the next while - does he have skype or an equivalent? It would likely be helpful if he could see your face, especially moving. Sorry as well that your family has had these disruptions: it's best to get such issues resolved: life is too short for us to let ourselves become prisoners of such issues to the point that it causes a rupture in our relations with out family - our supposed-to-be loved ones. (((((kathsgrdn and bereft family))))) ole joyful