More sad than ever around this Mother's Day

18 years ago

Right after Mom died, I thought I was having good days and bad. Maybe I was just zoning some days. Now all my days are bad. I miss her so very much, and dad too. I just don't see how I will ever feel better. I have so much to be thankful for, but just cannot get out of my depths of despair. Mother's day makes it so much worse. It's all around me. I'll never buy anything with "Mother" on it again. Oh what will I do without her for the rest of my life? Can someone answer that for me? I just don't see an end to this.

Joanie

Comments (4)

vipldy
18 years ago
My Mom Passed In June 2003 and Dad Passed In Feb 2004 8 months apart. No time to grieve just for one now it's a package deal if you will. I miss them both everyday and it doesn't get easier per say but maybe you learn to live with it, like my Dad would say " what can you do" . I am just greatful to have had the best parents in the world. They live in my mind,words and all they taught me to be a good person or the best I can be. You know the first Birthday my Mom was gone I bought her a calender just like I always did for her Birthday and it felt good. More like normal. I will always feel sad they are gone and miss them to no end but, I still want to live and carry on what they taught me as a person. The way I look at is, they still are alive in me.

Marie
gloriam
18 years ago
Joanie, there is no end to missing someone. Life goes on
and we have to go on and be the best person that we can
be. There will be times that you don't know how to go on
like now but you will go on the best way that you can. My
mother passed 10 years ago and I cried for 6 of them
years, so I know what you are going through. I miss her and
still love her so much. My daughter passed 7 months ago and
left 2 children and we all are missing her so much. Some days are good and some are really bad. Like tomorrow is
Mother's Day and all I did today is cry. But I have to
go on for my other children and DH and Grandchildren. I
know I have to be strong and so do you. Try to keep busy
or get out of the house. Talk to God he will listen to
you when ever you need him.
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Thank you all for your support it means the world to me. I've always been the type to beat myself up for not knowing how to do the things just right. It would not be so bad if dad's mind wasn't clear as a bell right now. His abuse of his medicine is a real concern for me. I got a call from him today saying he needs his antibiotic for his sinus, well he'll only take one or two and he says it cures his sinus. You and I know this isn't so and even if it does help it's short term, taking the antibiotics like that can cause harm but no one can get this through to my dad. I have had so many problems with doctors in my past that I don't trust them easily. It was me that saved my husband from a possible stroke, his blood pressure was high and I could tell when it was up but with the sleep apne he had to take showed how bad it was. They could not get it down all night so I marched into our dr.'s and told them about this and they looked back at his chart and seen that it was high everytime he went in for a check up. Now why don't they pay more attention to this? This is why I fear looking for yet another doctor. I have no luck with them. Only once did I have a wonderful doctor and within a year my insurance changed and he didn't take it :( He was the one that listen to me about my weight and took test finding that my thyroid was bad. I went through years with a sore throat and my throat closing up at night in my sleep, waking up unable to breath for 10 or so seconds but felt longer and didn't know if I'd get my breath. If it's wasn't for y'all I don't know if I'd be able to be strong for my dad. I never knew it could be so hard. I look at pictures of my grandparents, dads parents and talk to them and wishing they were here. They had a hard life and I can just image that they went through just what I am now. They took care of my great grandmother for 17 years then told my grandmothers brother it was time for him to care for his mother and give them a break. Great grandmother was called little granny and I never seen pictures of her but heard great stories about her, I found a picture of her the other day and I'm so happy to finally seen her, she past away a few years before I was born. Sorry for being long winded. Barbara
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jlj48
Original Author
18 years ago
Thank you Marie and Gloria for your sweet words of comfort. I know that what you have said is true, but it is hard for me to talk to God right now. I am trying. I just wish I had a sign from them. I wish so much for a vision, a meaningful dream, anything. I know I have to keep going for my kids and husband. I should be taking better care of myself. I just don't seem to have to oomph to do it. It takes everything I have to just function. And my poor family, I am crying one minute and yelling at them over something stupid the next, then apologizing and wanting them near me. They must think I'm nuts. But here you've lost your mom and your grown daughter Gloria. I cannot imagine. I know that death is a part of life. I should be more accepting. But I just lost my dad in August. His death was horrible in so many ways but he was terminal. We couldn't save him. My sweet mom died of a bladder infection. She actually got a secondary intestinal infection from the strong antibiotics and her body couldn't fight both. THIS could have been prevented. I could have done something. I should have insisted that she get to the Dr. earlier. We should not have let them discharge her when they did. I LOST MY MOM TO A BLADDER INFECTION!!! I really failed her. And I need her so. She was my best friend. I just don't know what I'm going to do.
adoptedbyhounds
18 years ago
Well, Joanie, unless you have a medical degree and hospital privileges and/or control the insurer, I'm not sure you deserve the blame for your mom's death. Even if you had insisted she stay in the hospital, your mom STILL may have been discharged. You really didn't have the power to decide anything. Please stop picking on yourself for something you couldn't control. You might also want to check with your own doc, and explain how you're feeling. Grief is personal, and different people handle it in different ways. At the same time, it may be time to have a medical evaluation. I'm going to guess that your mom would want you to do everything you can, to take care of yourself.

More sad than ever around this Mother's Day

Comments (4)

vipldy

gloriam

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More sad than ever around this Mother's Day

Comments (4)

vipldy

gloriam

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