The original time I emailed you I did so to thank you for your email address in the thread. For a long time I did not have a way of contacting you on something I did not want to share on the forum. The email to you also log your address into my Gmail memory, in case my computer dies. If I emailed you a second time I must have sent it by mistake to your address. If I have anything to ask or offer that pertains to our gardening adventures that is off topic I'll email you direct. I only send about 10 email a year so you will probably hear from me in citrus forum responses. Mean while I'll try to track down your message sent to me. I did not see it. Steve

Thanks everyone. He's Indian. It's difficult when the families are in India and have no idea what the guy is up to in some other country, and the 'good boy' his parents see, is not the complete truth as I know now. I've been asking him the same question over and over again for the past five years -Why did you marry me? And he says Because I love you! Which isn't true, you can't fall in love with a stranger after talking to him/her for 2 mins. I hate the concept of arranged marriages, especially when one/both of the parties isn't asked for their opinion. In my case, I don't really feel like going on vacation to India to meet my parents, yes I do blame them for what is happening - though I've tried to work things out, things don't seem very promising. As a person, as a friend, he's good. Supportive, caring and all the other things a best friend would be. But it's like he doesn't think sex is important for the health of a relationship. And I've noticed that I'm the only one who brings up the topic everytime, so I stopped it. Right after we got married, he told me that his career came first, his family second, and then me. I was really shocked but thought Oh ok, he's ambitious and maybe didn't mean to hurt me by saying that. And as the years went by, I realised that's the truth. He, his parents, sisters expect everything from me in return for nothing, and I told him it's impossible to keep everyone happy all the time but he doesn't understand. I know I need to get out of this relationship and move on and yet I don't know what is holding me back. I am not interested in going for counselling - I'm emotionally dead and have been for more than 4 years. There have been times I couldn't bear the sight of him. If he touched me accidentally when sleeping I'd feel like slapping him - but I'd tell him not to touch me. Another thing, he said to me once 'If we decide to have a baby, I'll make love to you every night'. That enraged me. He also thinks I shouldn't talk to close friends about our problems. I had nobody to talk to and would've gone mad if I hadn't confided in a friend, and when I told her about the baby thing, she asked him if it was true and he just denied ever saying that! He has lied to me about a lot of things, he doesn't realise what an impact lying has on an already fragile relationship, he gets caught all the time and still does it. It seems to me that his entire family believes in creating a 'happy and loving' smokescreen to show the world. When we got married, he went on a crash diet and lost some weight 'cause he didn't want to look fat standing next to me. After the wedding, he let go - he now carries 94kg on a 5'6" frame! It seems like only appearances matter until things are important, and then why bother about stuff? That's the way he's been about our marriage - it's done now, why put in an effort to keep it alive? I try to be happy but it gets old after some time. You can't be happy when you know you really aren't within. I don't get to talk to anybody about this. I'm sorry if I'm dragging everyone down with me. Thank you for listening. Cynthia PS: There's not going to be any children with this man, it's been a sexless marriage, I'm not about to let him touch me when he wants to and ignore me when I want it! :-D

Asolo, because of the way the post was written I concluded that English is most likely the OP's second language. So I checked his/her page and sure enough, the OP is from Qatar. I think it's always better to check that before coming back with a "WTH" response. Hitmark, are you saying that it is a religious issue between you and the person you love? If not, what type of issue? Is it that the other person would anger his or her family and so therefore lose them? Is the relationship that you're in somehow forbidden or looked upon badly in your culture? I agree that love shouldn't be sacrificed, but I also know that other sacrifices have to be considered otherwise it can lead to a lifetime of resentment and sadness. Please give us more information so we can answer you better. Suzieque

Hi Dotz. I don't know how to answer you. Relationships are complicated enough when I'm one of the two in the relationship (parent/child, spouse/spouse, child/parent, etc.) but being on the "outside" as a SM with biodad/child on one side, and Sdad/child on another side... I just can't hope to ever understand those relationships completely, let alone what may have happened between your dh's kid and him to make their relationship less than ideal. People take out their anger on those they think will still love them despite the issues. Hopefully your skid will realize that dad means more than money and they can have a relationship beyond that later. I think, in my situation, where bio-mom keeps sd from us (by not contacting, etc), we will probably have a tough row to hoe coming up here soon as she becomes a teenager with angst. But, if her parents didn't have issues, the issues with her would be lessened. It's due to the parents setting up expectations that makes the kids resentful. My SD expects to be driven around in posh cars and going to outrageously expensive schools and if her dad doesn't contribute to the lifestyle BM has set up she is resentful. We prefer to place value on good manners, wholesome activities, enjoying being a kid instead of designer outfits for 9 year olds...Oh well... we simply don't have the same values. Having to straddle both value systems is difficult for children. And, outsiders, without all the little cobwebs floating around of past conversations/hurts/angers, can see any situation a lot clearer than the participants. As Sm's, we will never fully understand the nuances. Sooooo... my response Dotz, is just be as supportive of your DH as you can while he goes through this stage with his son. In my experience, my Ex and I have issues my DH could never understand, and my DH loves me, so automatically my Ex is the bad guy... and he hates his Ex, but I do my damnedest not to internalize that. I channel Switzerland. I attempt neutrality. I try to look at all sides, and I try to do it with love. It's far too complicated to figure out their issues. So I'm a cheerleader. Go (broken and taped back together) family of mine!!! win win win!