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preparing for a loss

Posted by carop2323 (My Page) on
Mon, Apr 17, 06 at 17:46

dear forum, I come to all of you today in search of support and guidence.
I work at a childrens hospital, I have become very close to a particular family, this is their second round of hospitalization and it is not good. they will go home on hopice care and wait for lana's final days, she will be on a respirator which they have decided to keep on her untill i get back from my vaction wich will be about a week long...they are wating so that i can make it to her funeral. I see that i have made just as big an impact on them as they have on me and iam flattred, i just need help i want to be their for them 100% but i dont know what to say ...if any thing at all ...its hard to visit with them becouse of their sorrow, I to am a mess i want to find the ban-aid that will fix it but its not out here. i just wanted sound advice form parents on what is helpful and what is not. I love this family so much i just want to be their for them.

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: preparing for a loss

How wonderful for this family to have your loving support at a very sad and difficult time.

I have not had experience with this to give you specific advice, but it is troubling to know you are going on vacation when the family is in such distress. Is there any possibility you could skip the vacation and be with them instead?

RE: preparing for a loss

Like Socks said above, it IS a wonderful thing for you to share your sorrow along with the family...I have been in this type of situation as a healthcare worker for many years, so I know just where you're coming from.
I think you have just answered your own question, regarding finding a band-aid. Your just being there, is a remarkable thing, which is priceless. I know we are all supposed to NOT have any emotional attatchment or show our innermost feelings, but dang it, sometimes you just can't help but care! My answer to anyone who ever questioned my "attatchment" to a certain patient or resident, will always be "excuse me, but I am only human".
If you cannot postpone your vacation, could you possibly exchange phone numbers or keep in contact with the family while you are gone away? Been in just that situation as well, and it worked well when I had to leave town for a few days. Let us know how it goes, and bless you for caring.
Emma in PA

RE: preparing for a loss

How wonderful of them to have you there for support. I think that you have already said and done what is needed for them. It is a journey, and you have been there for them all along the way. All of this happening will help to prepare them for the days and hours ahead. One day at a time, one hour at a time. Just being there for them, telling them of your sorrow for there loss, pointing out the wonderful and beautiful things about their daughter, discussing heaven and seeing her again (if appropriate) and telling them what good parents they are. That is what I would want to hear if I were them. There is nothing you can really do at this point. But you have been there. They do not have to explain anything to you. You already know and you tolerate and understand their grief. That in itself is powerful. I think you should take your vacation and enjoy it, unless this will ruin it for you. Then postpone your vacation. Good luck to you.

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