I was 38 yrs old and my husband was 35. We were married for almost 13 yrs and together for 18 yrs almost also. We had the best marriage anyone could ever have. We had 1 son 13 yrs. old together. We both had great jobs and a loving family. One morning I woke up, year before last, which was April 2014 to finding my husband in our house. He had past sometime during the night of a heart attack. His heart was enlarged and exploded. He was kneeling in a praying position over the side of our tub in our main bathroom. I found him at 8:35am that morning. Our son had stayed on our living room couch watching a movie that night. When I found my husband (my soulmate) I had to call my mom about 8 miles from me to tell her my husband was dead. She immediately said I will be right there. Then I had to go outside and call my neighbors 32 yr old son to come wake my son up and take him out the backdoor of my house to their house and keep him there. Then I called 911 and I told them I found my husband dead in our home and I didn't want them to show up with their sirens on or to be seen by my son that was at my neighbors house behind my house. When the police questioned me some, which is their protocol to do when something happens like that, I felt like I had done something wrong, which I totally didn't. They told me, they had to send his body for an autopsy. Well I found him on that Saturday morning and the results from autopsy came back that next Monday a few days later, saying he died of cardiomegaly. Anyways all that being said, almost 5 months later I met my friends brother and got with him and 1 month later which was almost 6 months after my husband past away, I got pregnant with a babygirl. Thats apparently what happens, when you try to fill a void in your life after such tramatic experience. My mind wasn't at all there, until I was 5 months pregnant and I told the guy sorry I can't be with you cause I don't feel right. Anyways my son was so upset saying it's dad's baby, mom. I felt so bad and still do for the additional pain I caused my son which was the only child at the time. It took until now for him to accept my babygirl. The father hasn't been around since I was 5 months pregnant. The judge knew and the attorneys what I had went through. So when I went to court when my babygirl was about 6 months old, the judge and the attorneys favored me with child custody and everything else. The guy I had the baby by, had to start spending time with my babygirl and paying me to help raise our babygirl. I felt bad for him but it took 2 to make my babygirl. Anyways anything can happen after losing your soulmate. I used to say how in the world can so and so go out so soon after there mate passes. We'll now I know. I would never judge any widow for what they do. So no one knows until they lose the love of their life what they go through. Anyways I am doing fine and I can honestly say I'm blessed to have the babygirl my husband always wanted but due to his job and health I never gave him one. My babygirl is like none else. She is the best babygirl I have ever seen. God was always there through everything and still is. So I hope yall take my advice and run with it cause you never know if your in my shoes one day and Gosh I hope not. I might add there are several phases for some with greiving. First phase I didn't know myself. Second was k was extremely mad that he left me with so much like raising our son on my own, bills and so on. 3rd was I felt alone 4th was I'm gonna have to learn how to make it with my babies. 5th one is I'm still holding on and I know what's going on some now. I'm working and striving to keep our home and food on the table for my kids. They are my world now more than anything. I'm blessed as I could of really went off the deep end and at times I did but my family and friends helped me so much to get by. So it's different with every spouse whom had lost there lover and soulmate.

Your right it's not your kids, it's you. Your kids are old enough and have their own lives. Are you afraid you are betraying your former wife? Betraying her somehow or are you afraid of the true committment? It is you an putting your fiance behind your kids is extremely painful for her. Your spouse should be forever an you are showing her you don't value her or that she is not that important to you. It is important for evey woman to feel values, important and #1 with their partner. I am living the same thing with a man that has told me I need to wait for his to grow up to hava a marriage. As our counselor said when in your head will they ever grow up. Once they are teenagers they need some guidance, structure and rules but when they are adults they are on your own. Instead of reading material I would suggest some coumseling. But it doesn't work if you don't do the work and get honest with yourself. That can be the hardest part. Your kids are grown and have their lives, it's time to move on an live yours. You get a second chance, don't waste it

drcinbd, like Karen, I'm sorry I didn't comment earlier. I wrote comments several times but deleted them because this is a very "hot-button" issue for me. Please do not end this relationship because your children object. If you do, you are abdicating responsibility for your own life to them and that is not healthy. I don't know when we shifted from a society that taught respect for the autonomy of other adults, including parents, to one that expected that life decisions should be made based on the opinions of others, particularly adult children. Before you were a husband or a father, you were most likely a fully-functioning, independent person in your own right. You got an education, built a career, entered into a long, successful marriage and parented five children into independent adulthood. While I suspect you sometimes sought the counsel of others, I doubt you did all of that so successfully by giving others a vote on every decision that you or you and your late wife made. If you end this relationship now, your children will most likely object to the next woman you want to marry, and so on. You will spend the rest of your life without the shared joy of a partner because your children are self-centered and don't want their lives to change in any way. Sadly, life has changed - your wife died and you did not. Have any of the five volunteered to give up their lives to live with you and be your companion for the rest of your life? If they aren't prepared to do that, what right do they have to expect you not to move forward with your life in the way that you choose? Why should you remain alone, because that is what they prefer? How would your remarriage harm them? It isn't like you could or would replace their mother. Employers replace people. Sports teams replace people. Families expand and grow in love because people join and leave them through many different avenues; birth, marriage, adoption, divorce, etc. What happened to loving your parent enough to both want their happiness and respect their autonomy? Please, talk to your love before just ending things. She should have a vote in this, not your children. This is her life, too. From experience, I can tell you that if you marry, there will be unhappy times when your children act on their feelings because you will not be able to shield her or your relationship completely and as their father, you will be hurt. Please remember that however difficult, it is only one part of your life, not the whole. I am married to the man I have loved since I was 17. We've been married for 5 years and in a relationship for 8. We were engaged at 21 but for reasons having nothing to do with our love for one another, he broke things off. He went on to have a very happy 30-year marriage until his wife died after a two-year battle with cancer. He contacted me through Classmates, 9 months after her death, and we built a friendship over months of email correspondence. Eventually, we fell in love again, met in person and began to talk about a future together. There were many challenges and obstacles, but we married 3 years after his late wife's death. My daughters love him and his youngest, while not thrilled, has been accepting and gracious. On the other hand, my husband's oldest daughter was unhappy from the beginning and behaved that way. She estranged herself from her father because she feels that by seeking me out and pursuing a relationship, he disrespected her mother. She has been awful to both of us and blamed me for many things that simply aren't true. I have tried to stay in the background and encouraged my husband to do things with her, without me. Individually and collectively we have tried everything we can think of to make things better. We gave her time and asked only that she be polite when we had to be in the same place. Her dad has spent many hours over the last 7 years listening to her feelings and opinions. He has apologized for his missteps and tried to make amends, but she prefers her version of things. He even agreed to therapy with a therapist of her choosing and went for about 9 months. Despite everything, she is adamant that he should have ended our relationship because she wanted him to and that she is perfectly right to estrange herself from her only living parent because he didn't. But, drcinbd, even with this sadness, we are happy and neither of us has regrets about marrying. Yes, there have been upsets and unhappiness surrounding his daughter's feelings and behavior, but they have not taken away from the joy of having found one another. I was with him this year when his cancer came back and he had to have radiation and chemo. He was my biggest supporter when I struggled to finally finish my degree and then found out (at 60) that I have serious ADHD. Yes, there have been MANY challenges as we worked to build a relationship, but it has been worth it! We are good for each other and to each other, and neither of us regrets our decision to marry, in any way. Yes, there are times when I weary of his daughter's toxicity and wonder why she is so awful to me, but every minute I get to spend with my husband brings me more happiness than all of the misery she has caused, put together. I have never been happier than I am in this marriage, with this man. We will continue to work to reconcile with with his daughter for as long as it takes, but cannot do more. Sorry to be so long-winded. Please do not deprive yourself of the possibility of a joyful and fulfilling marriage with someone who sounds perfect for you. Keep trying with your children, but don't sacrifice two other lives to their selfishness. At 57, you probably have many more years of life ahead. Grab this chance at happiness and hold on tight. Best of luck to you!

I lived way out in the country so no neighborhood but we did have neighbors, spaced quite far apart. The across the way neighbors, husband, wife son and daughter. He suddenly was no longer around, I found out later that he had gone to the woods and committed suicide. This was a first for our small area and they tried to keep it from us younger kids. A few years later this really fancy car started showing up in their driveway, we found out it was Dale Robertson! We all got to meet him and have pictures, get autographs. He was dating the widow lady. She was a big photographer and traveled a lot. She used my sisters and myself for her "models" when she needed someone. We still have all the pictures she did of us. They were very good neighbors. We much later learned that the father suffered from depression and mental health issues which is apparently what led to his death. I hadn't thought about that in years. Lol