Randy, Amber may grumble (what kid doesn't?) but I believe deep in her soul she knows EXACTLY how lucky she is to have such a wonderful, caring dad involved in her life! Now that our 'little boy' is almost 23 years old and has begun his professional career, he is SO CLOSE to his dad. There had been that "I'm grown up and you can't tell me what to do or how to do it" clash on and off since DS became a teenager. Well, all that is behind them now. Since they both work for D-FW Airport (DH in police, DS in fire), they have many co-workers and friends in common, and are always discussing their retirement plans and investment opations. They are often involved in the same 'incidents' at the airport, with DH usually running the police command post, and son responding as either an EMT/First Responder or Firefighter. It is amazing to see them relate to one another as co-workers and buddies and not just as father and son. By the way, if anyone had told DS when he was a teenager that he would end up working for DH's employer and LOVING IT, he would have vehemently denied that such a thing would ever, ever occur. Now, sometimes he says to me...."It is amazing how much I am getting to be just like Dad." (And he says it with pride, too!) The closeness you and Amber share now will get you through the terrible teen years! I know, 'cause we've been there and done that! Dawn

My mom is from a large family where there are definite "favorites", and I have friends from families where there are definite "favorites", so I think I can relate to your post. The situation you describe with your future MIL sounds similar to situations I've seen. With the people I know, however, it wouldn't be anything personal with the future MIL judging you or taking anything out on the child because of you. Here's the way it would play out in some of my friends' and my families: Grandma would form a strong attachment to a particular grandchild - either the oldest grandchild, or the grandchild who lived next door, or the grandchild who she kept while mom worked, or the grandchild of the "favorite" child (maybe the baby of the family). For whatever reason, grandma has a strong attachment to this particular grandchild. For 9 years (you said your partner's daughter is 10?) this has been grandma's special grandchild. If the mom of the special grandchild gets along well with grandma, of course the mom of the special grandchild will have a bond with grandma, too. Then the grandchild has a sibling (your partner's ex's baby), and that sibling is a package deal with the favored 10 year old grandchild. Of course grandma is going to keep both kids - they're a package deal. And of course she's going to take them both shopping together, they're a package deal. Grandma is going to keep them together, she's going to take them shopping together. There are probably reasons why she doesn't want to take your son shopping with them - a 1 year old, 10 year old, and 7 month old is probably too much for her. And if by some chance she doesn't have the 1 year old along, grandma probably doesn't want to take your 7 month old shopping along with the 10 year old because she relishes the trip with just her older granddaughter. And the grandmas I know who are like this would naturally be upset if you forbid her bringing the 1 year old with her to your son's celebration, if she was keeping the 1 year old on that day. To her, asking for the ex to stay away might be reasonable, but asking her not to bring a 1 year old baby wouldn't be. I'm not saying what I'm describing is the "right" way for a grandma to be, or that it's fair to your son. But in my extended family, grandma would have a routine and a relationship she's comfortable with, and that's the way it would be. She'd have 10 years of history with this child and this routine, and your 7 month old baby wouldn't change that. In my experience, grandmas who are this way don't change. If your partner has tried explaining and grandma hasn't budged, then I doubt it will do any good to get mad or be hurt. If I were in your shoes, I'd just accept that it is what it is, and move on with life. It's your partner's mother's loss if she passes up the opportunity to have a close relationship with her grandson - boys are a blast. Many, many people have extended families that have strong "favorites" among the cousins or the grandchildren. Accept it and move on and you'll be much happier in the long run. You're certainly not wrong to wish grandma would reach out to your son and be the terrific grandma to all her grandchildren. That's a normal and natural wish, but it doesn't sound like you're going to get it. Try not to take it personally, it's probably not about you or your son - it's probably about the bond and the routine grandma has with the older granddaughter. My mom is wonderful, and she would always work hard to make things equal among her grandchildren. But not all grandmas are that way. One piece of advice I'd give a young mother in your situation - your son will take a lot of his cues from you. If it doesn't bother you that grandma plays favorites, it probably won't bother him. You and your partner create a warm, loving home that is a fun, happy place to be, and your son will be fine. My kids' grandparents don't exactly have "favorites', but because of circumstances they are much closer to their other grandchildren. They babysit them, take them on trips, go to their school functions, etc. It doesn't bother me at all and it doesn't bother my kids, either. Good luck!

I haven't read all of these messages. But I have to tell you that I grew up in a home where my step father treated us like DIRT! Kids were to be seen and not heard! That was his favorite line! At 16 I was ready to move out on my own. Life was horrible. I got NOTHING- yelled at, told I was lazy- you name it. I had to buy my own school clothes my own everything. He controlled the whole household. I never got a kind word spoken to me, never a praise, never a pat on the back. No help for college. NOTHING.... He had his own two kids, to this day he still supports them. They are both lossers. But those two kids got anything they every wanted. I didn't want much REALLY As hoaky as it sounds, I just wanted a dad! Someone I could call dad again- not Phil. I was about 12- had lost my dad two years previous. I missed my dad- I missed my family- we moved out of state. It was a sad childhood. My mom was the calming force. She kept the peace. But it wasn't enough. The constant stress from the day to day living with this man. I stayed out of the house as much as possible. I had a horse. I rode for hours. When that wasn't enough I found a boyfriend. At a very young age I became more 'involved' with my boyfriend then I should have. I worked, anything not to be home. I HATED it! As an adult I would wait for the man I was dating to turn into Phil. See, he wasn't always like he was when my mom married him. He was actually one of the nicest men I had ever met. Until the vows were exchanged. We weren't bad kids. We accepted him. He never could or would for us. I can't stress enough what your doing to your daughter. SHE WILL NEVER forget this. You are destroying her piece by piece. My advice is to leave this man. You will get over the loss- she just might never get over what he is doing to her! I know this man your married! Not in the literal sense, but I LIVED THIS...... I still think about my 'lost' childhood from time to time. But you know what, I BEAT him.... I'm succesfull! I'm happily married with two kids. I have a wonderfull relationship with my mom and brother. And my husband is NOTHING LIKE HIM! My mom left him about 6 years ago. Sad it took that long. My brother who was younger then me, lived with him from a small boy up. I see the horrible traits of Phil in my brother. My brother grew up thinking he was dumb. He drifted from job to job. NEVER a harder worker, but he had trouble reading and writing. So he'd drop the job as soon as more responsiblity was sent his way. It was sad.... He's just recently regained some of his self esteem. He's 29 years old! Took him all this time. He's found his place in life. So have I! Guess what! I can even eat food in my living room LOL.... So can my kids.. I'm sorry if this is harsh and I'm sorry it most likely didn't make sense. If it helps your 16 year old daughter then I'll sleep better at night.... HUGS to you and your daughter. Kristi

Angel, I'm not fully understanding the whole story, I guess. Is it basically that you are shocked that she agreed to an abbreviated visit that day? If she reacted surprisingly favorably, I'd just take it as a bit of graciousness. I mean, I don't think your DH's request was over the line - just wanted to pick up his DD later, right? He doesn't make a habit of this type of thing, so I wouldn't worry. She'd have to be nuts to flip out over that. Relax - I hope I know what I'm saying here! BTW, I meant to respond to your other post and all about pg, emotional, etc. Remember that you have 80 times the normal amount of estrogen in your body right now, so you feeling overly-emotional is perfectly normal! Dana