WOW All we got here is a lot of neuroses popping out in all directions ... someone who was cheated on is SURE that the behavior means cheating, someone who was not cheated on thinks it means nothing ... and we have no real substantive data to make an evaluation on, so we all go off half-cocked based on our own positive or negative neurotic interpretations of her situation. None of that helps ... So what to do ? Well first of all concentrate on your own mental health and happiness and stability OUTSIDE of fixations with him. Reward yourself a couple times a day in some small constructive way for good things you do. Reward him in some small ways with a "thank you" when he does something good for you ... "Catch him doing something good" make the most of things and be as positive as you can be. If there is a real and substntive problem, it will eventually be fully revealed, if not, worrying and crying and getting upset will not help ... but just create a problem for you and him both. Make yourself happy and healthy. Dont hold your life hostage to his.

Yeah! Doesn't that make you feel great! You know your exchange person is going to love it now. Can't wait to see it. I sent pictures of my birdbath to my daughter in college because I needed some positive reinforcement. My son hasn't been happy with my craft since he had to have stitches in his knee stumbling into a bird feeder in the garage. Unfortunately, some grout had come out and left a sharp edge of a dish exposed. Can't convince him it was a fluke and I'm keeping things put away better.

Frankly, lamom, if I, in a new relationship with a man who is depressed and a child who has multi problems and knowing this from the basic get-go, I wold have right then rethought my situation, ended the relationship and hightailed it for the next fish in the sea. That's not what I took issue with. What I took issue with was when you implied by your original posting with your indication that a person with depression 'choses' and went on with the 'whoop' good parent bit. Depression is not a choice. It's not a luxury that one can choose or decide to not undergo. It does not make them a bad parent. What would perhaps turn them into a bad parent would be when they fail to realize/except the disorder and seek help. In this case the gentleman did. He acknowledged he had a problem and sought out help which in his case included medications and theraphy. So many people either don't know what is happening, fail to acknowledge and seek out or plain are too embarassed to seek out help. What I took issue with here was when you appeared, by your wording, to indicate depression was something one could chose to not have and that if you did have depression, well, whoop, were not a good parent. And with your next posting you indicate with implying a person should think about not having the luxury of chosing prior to having children. My jaw dropped. I was really wondering if you did indeed realize that depression can and does strike at anytime and sometimes it's long after one has already had children. I think my objections had nothing to do with OP's case, but rather the simplicity you seemed to be applying to depression and it's extreme complex tangle with all that can go with it. I was pointing out depression is not something one choses to have, the choice comes with how the affected person deals with it. It's not a choice to suddenly one day wakeup and 'check out' , but it is a choice to stay there and not deal with it. As far as the OP, as I stated in this posting, I would not have stayed in this relationship and became as involved as she has, that was never my point of any of my posting in this thread. I wish the OP well, she has a serious decision to make, she's hung in there much longer than I would have, and I hope she thinks long and hard for what is best for her, her life and her own needs.

I sure don't feel old enough to have greats....I probably shouldn't have them...but you know kids... My oldest daughter was only 17 when her first son was born. She didn't have anymore until 6 years later. Her oldest son had his first fairly early. I wish he would have waited awhile..but that didn't happen. And I wouldn't wish these sweeties away for anything...I just wish for a good life for them. My oldest daughter is 42 and has three grands.