My father passed on March 1, 2008 after a 4 year battle with Cancer. It started 4 years ago with lung cancer which he beat and then 2.5 years later he was diagnosed with brain cancer. They performed brain surgery and removed a tumour the size of an XL egg. He then underwent chemotherapy in the late summer early fall of 2006 followed by radiation treatments in the spring of 2007. The cancer did not go away and in September 2007 he went to Roswell Cancer Center in Buffalo NY for Gamma Knife treatment. THEY BROKE HIM!!! In October of 2007 he lost his ability to walk and quickly went downhill.

A family friend gave us this:

When Tomorrow Starts Without Me
When tomorrow starts without me, and I'm not there to see;
if the sun should rise and fine your eyes filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry the way you did today,
while thinking of the many things, we didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me, as much as I love you,
and each time that you think of me, I know you'll miss me too;
but when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand,
that an angel cam and called my name, and took me by the hand,
and said my place was ready, in heaven far above,
and that I'd have to leave behind all those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away, a tear fell from my eye,
for all my life, I'd always thought, I didn't want to die,
I had so much to live for, so much yet to do,
it seamed almost impossible that I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays, the good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared, and all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday, even just for a while,
I'd say goodbye and kiss you and maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized tat this could never be,
for emptiness and memories would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things, I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did, my heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through heaven's gates, I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me, from His great golden throne,
He said, "This is eternity, and all I've promised you.
today your life on Earth is past, but here it starts anew."
"I promise no tomorrow, today will always last,
and since each day's the same way, there's no longing for the past.
You have been so faithful, so trusting, and so true.
Though there were times you did some things, you knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven, and now at least you're free.
So won't you take my hand, and share my life with me?"
So when tomorrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart,
for every time you think of me, I'm right here in your heart.

I don't "like" funerals, but for me, it helps to have the support of family and friends at that hard time. It's what I am accustomed to. And is a "tangible" (if you will) closure. It was difficult for me not to have that. He didn't even want a memorial service, so I didn't. I have my own memories.

But the hardest part of it all was when his body was removed from the house and I realized that I would not see him again. And I didn't want his ashes in the house for almost 2 months. I just couldn't handle it! It was too strange. Thank God our mortuary director was understanding about that.

But time passed and I brought the ashes home and his daughter and I spread them on his birthday last month. It was peaceful and I am at peace with it all now.

You had nearly 50 years with your Frank. Would he honestly have wanted you to put your future at risk for incurred expenses? We have no need of this worlds' "things" when we pass into the next world.

May you find peace and joy in your memories of your loved one also.
Jan

I did keep some ashes with me tho and its a comfort to me now.

I think that I might plant a tree in his memory, maybe even try for a memory garden. But will have to put more thought in the garden tho.

I tried anti-depressent medication for a week or two, but didn't like the way it robbed my thoughts, so I quit. I am a nurse so I feel that if medication is helpful to you of course use it. I am lucky that most of the time I tell myself that I will worry about ONLY something I can change. And leave the rest of it to the Higher Power.

Have a good day today and a better one tomorrow
Jan

"Fields Of Gold"/Sting

You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You'll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we walk in the fields of gold

So she took her love
For to gaze awhile
Upon the fields of barley
In his arms she fell as her hair came down
Among the fields of gold

Will you stay with me, will you be my love
Among the fields of barley
We'll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we lie in the fields of gold

See the west wind move like a lover so
Upon the fields of barley
Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth
Among the fields of gold
I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that I've broken
But I swear in the days still left
We'll walk in the fields of gold
We'll walk in the fields of gold

Many years have passed since those summer days
Among the fields of barley
See the children run as the sun goes down
Among the fields of gold
You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in the fields of gold
When we walked in the fields of gold
When we walked in the fields of gold

To listen, click:

I am a "list-maker" After G died, and I was rested somewhat, I knew I had to keep busy. I made a list of projects that needed to be done, and things I had to put aside while he was so ill. Some were kind of silly, but these things kept me going and on the right track. Like paying bills, chores, crafts, etc. Some of the things on my "list" haven't been completed yet, and maybe some will never be done. But for me, the important thing was to keep my mind and hands busy. I know that sounds terribly old-fashioned, but it got me over the initial shock and helped me to realize that I was capable to "going on".

I journal every day. and my lists go there too.

Why not start one about your life with your loved one? Make it as intimate as you want. If its for your eyes only, whatever you want to write. If its for your children/grandchildren to learn more about Frank, thats another slant to consider. I think that would be a very nice legacy to give to your family.

Most importantly, take care of yourself. Get enough sleep, eat properly,& if on medications, make sure you are taking it correctly. Give your self time. You can't "heal" overnight.

God Bless & Keep you
Jan

Yes, the heartache will always be there, but the fun times will be recalled every time I look at those pictures. I am trying, every day, to replace the bad memories of his illness with the good memories of our years together, and all the good times we shared. It makes me so thankful for the years I had him in my life!

When the cancer came back (7 years later), I realized that there is NOTHING as precious as TODAY, this moment, RIGHT NOW - it's the most precious time we have - the RIGHT NOW time! None of the little stuff matters anymore - it's all about living RIGHT HERE and RIGHT NOW! Tomorrow may never come!

thank you lldaunt.

Come on back and talk to us ANY TIME - we all need and want to give you support - it helps us to heal as well.

I find it difficult to address the losses of those whose spouse passed on. I think it is a much more difficult grief to get thru. Not because the love for the person is more or less. My Dad, probably not knowing so, brought me to a point where I no longer needed to rely upon him in my day to day life. I have a husband and family of my own. I was secure in the knowledge that he was there to support me if I really needed it and that was good.

I deeply recognize that the bond between husband and wife is different. Their lives become so intertwined and dependent in so many deeply personal ways. There is also the sharing of the household duties, child rearing etc. The person's whole concept of who they are is altered.

It hurts my heart to think about it. I feel for your pain and grief. Wishing all can find a way to happiness and a hopeful future.

In some ways, the second year was harder when the reality of my future slapped me in the face and I Really Knew then that I was alone and I had to adjust my life to that fact as best I could.

I don't have family living nearby but they stay in touch and we get together as often as we can. I also have good friends but the newly made , widowed friends are the ones I am most comfortable to be with. We really understand each other of course and our lifestyles are more similar.

The greater the love, the greater the loss, they say. I truly believe it as I have never gone through anything harder in my life - and I've gone through lots.
I send hugs to all who have fought and survived the loss with as much grace and dignity as we possibly can.