Sudden Witnessed Death of Spouse
jcsgirl2012
10 years ago
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10 years agolast modified: 9 years agojcsgirl2012
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Sudden Death of Husband
Comments (17)Hi Mary, I went over to Kitchen Table and read your posts. I'm sorry about the loss of your dear husband, now there is a gap where a person used to be and that is always such a challenge to overcome. Someone once told me that they felt that they were cut in two when they lost their spouse. I cannot even begin to imagine. I read a USA Today report that showed some research done by the University of Michigan that mentioned that a bereaved spouse needs at leas 18 months to recover physically and psychologically. Although you may not thing so at present Mary, each day will get better as time goes on. Also, don't be afraid to let your tears flow. Psychologist Dr. Joyce Brothers, herself a widow, likens tears to emotional first aid. Crying is a normal part of your grieving process. You said in one of your posts in the KT forum that you have received many cards of condolence, have you written them back? Why not take some time and put in writing all the good things that you remember about your husband and the moments you shared and thank those who have reached out to you. Make an album with photographs, love letters, and notes of the good times you spent with your loved one. This will be painful at first but in the long run it will help you to heal. I can relate to what you said that some don't say anything because they don't know what to say and I can say that I have done that once. I wish I could go back and change that. But I'm here now trying to help others through their grief by using the Bible. For me, there is no better hope since I know for a fact that the promises we find in the Bible of seeing our loved ones when they are resurrected will be fulfilled. Reading on the resurrection accounts found in the Bible and meditating on them, visualizing the events makes them more real to me. "Time indefinite He has put their heart", the Bible tells us about God (Ecclesiastes 3:11) And He will use the resurrection to make everlasting life possible for people who have died. Psalms 37:11 says, "but the meek ones themselves will possess the earth, and they will indeed find their exquisite delight in the abundance of peace." Life in this earth under God's Kingdom rule will not be like what we are experiencing now, full of war, crime poverty, injustice, illness, and death. It will be a fulfilling and satisfying life beyond our fondest dreams. Learning more about what God's Kingdom is, the Kingdom that we all pray for in the Lord's Prayer: "Let your Kingdom come.."(Matthew 6:9, 10), will give us a more clear picture of these future promises that seem so unattainable to us now. We just need to be focused. Mary, hang in there, these hard times will soon be a part of the past. We all have suffered a loss of a loved one and we all here can somewhat understand what you are feeling. We hope to hear back from you soon. Warm hugs, Ada...See MoreWinessing Death
Comments (30)I hope you can help me. If we got a case of medical negligence. My mother who passed away on sep 24 2006. My mother name is Isabel she was 64. She was diagonsed with breast cancer in 1999 she survived that, after that she had psorisis of the liver, i hope i pronounce it right and after that was diagonsed with limphoma cancer. in August 24,2006. My mother had surgery to remove the golf size tumor she had on her neck. The specilist said too she had several more small tumors on her right side also so she needed to get chemo started as soon as possible. After that they took more stomach xrays. They said also she had 2 large size golf ball size tumors on her pelvic area. okay after she took her chemo she started to get bloated we told the doctors why is she getting bloated they said its the chemo. The doctors said she is well and can be let to go home. They prescribed some water pills they said she should take this medicine that this will help her go to the restroom and flush the fluids out and her bloatness should go away. Nope that didnt work so we decided to take her back to the hospital where that is where she got her chemo. The doctors said the will admit her in the hospital and keep an eye on her she felt a little better and her bloating went somewhat away this time she had the bloating on her knees all the way down to her feet. The doctors said that my mom will be admitted to the hospital every time she had her chemo. Well she had 1 week of chemo. They had said that she is well and can come home but still was bloated from her knees all to her feet. Okay after staying home i had a call from my dad and said to come in a hurry cause mom wasnt feeling well. He said mom is starting to cough out blood. So when i got to my mom house, I saw her she was having a hard time breathing and started to cough out blood. So i immediatly called 911. ems came inside the house took her vital signs and said she was okay. ems took about 15 minutes inside the house while my mom is still having a hard time breathi! ng and c oughing out blood. They didnt think this was life threating. So finally they took my mom in the ambulance with my dad by her side. My sister and me followed the ambulance, they didnt have the red lights on nor the siren remember they didnt put anything on my mom all this time no tube nor nothing just the oxygen mask thats all.They took my mom to the hospital all this time wasted thinking no emergency. Me and my sister beat the ambulance could you believe it. I saw my mom in the hospital the doctors nurses were getting her blood out for lab results we were telling the doctors to hurry cause my mom was choking in her blood she still had the oxygen mask on. This went on for about 30 minutes still nothing done too my mom. We told the doctors to hurry do something. They said they had to wait for the lab results to arrive and tell us why is she coughing out blood. Still my mom in agony doctors nurses told us that this is treatable and that there going to help her get better. The doctors and nurses looked stuned by this time . Okay by this the lab results came in and said she had amonia on her lungs an infection on her lungs. By this time i saw her 1 last time. I told her that i loved her, and i saw blood gushing out her mouth onto the oxygen mask and i saw her eyes rolling and by that time i had this feeling she was gone ,I went ballastic. I told the doctors and nurses to do something quick. The doctors still assured me my sister that this was treatable. By this time we were at the family conferance room and doctors wre giving us news that her blood pressure was falling and that they had to resesatate her heart 2 times. She came back. By that time the doctors said there might be a chance she could live that they were gonna do everything possible. All of this happened in the emergency room in the hospital okay. The doctors from the emergency room came back with more bad news. They said her blood pressure is falling and she is starting to hemorage badly.So the doctors said to get family members together. By this! time th ey had sent her to Icu unit. Were there were doing everything possible for my mom to keep her alive. By this time she was on a venilator helping her breath. Our family members decided to pull the plug out she was suffering too much. We loved our mother so much. She was our rock. She solved our problems, our fears, our joys together, our sadness together our happiness etc. We cannot function without her. My dad is what we have left,and he feels very angry at what happened to our mother at the hospital. we are seeing a lawyer. Weve explained everything on how our mother was treated at the hospital. Were filing medical malpractice to the hospital.We have tremoudous guilt. I saw my mother die in front of my face gushing with bloo. I will never forget this. Thats the last i saw my mom. I want to yell at the doctors and nurses and feel like stomping them. My sisters are taking it hard. My dad also. Its been 4 months and it hurts. On top of our grief we experinced this horrible death from my mom. We didnt have time to say our goodbyes. My mom that she was going to survive this. The doctors also said this was treatable. They lied!! Anyway i need help coping with this also my family. Please Any advice would be helpful!!! DEBBIE....See MoreSudden death of my 34 year old husband
Comments (6)I suddenly lost my husband 7 wks ago after 34 yrs of marriage. He just retired after 30 yrs at a job he hated and was finally doing something he loved. We had all kinds of dreams and we had just started to enjoy them, now I have to make new dreams for myself without him and I don't like it. I cry all of the time, and I have learned to stay away from people so I don't have to deal with their thoughtlessness. Unfortunately they mean well but because they haven't been through what we are going through they have no idea what will comfort us. Though nothing comforts us at this time. I'm not going to tell you that it will get better, I "hate" it when people tell me this because right now I can't think about tomorrow. Take one day at a time, don't think about tomorrow it will come soon enough and you can deal with it then. You just lost your husband, you need to take care of yourself and cry, cry, cry and then cry somemore. It may not seem as though it is helping but 5 weeks from now it will. You will have your good moments and your bad moments, and your bad moments will be more often then the good ones. This is normal for someone grieving a loved one. I have been reading books on grief written by professionals who have experienced a loss of a spouse and they have helped me to realize all of the emotions I am feeling and going through are normal...as normal can be. Please take care of yourself and hug your children whenever you need him because he is in them. Keep 'blogging' trust me it helps to put it into words. Hugs, Karen...See MoreSudden death of husband of 34 yrs
Comments (13)While I was at my daughter's I did alot of reflecting on our marriage and wrote a lot of memories in my journal. The hardest part about being at my daughter's was sitting at the table with an empty chair staring me in the face that Ed should have been sitting in and also when we went to Estes Park walking around the shops I wanted to hold his hand like the other couples but his hand wasn't there for me to take and it never will be again. I also asked myself in our marriage who needed the other person more? I leaned on Ed for companionship and security. When we were in crowds I'd only feel comfortable if I was with Ed. Carrying on a converstaion with others was hard for me, but Ed could talk to anyone about anything and if I was with him I felt part of the conversation without saying a word. I may have made the everyday decisions but we talked about big decisions together until we agreed. At which point Ed thought out how to make it happen. There were usually compromises made on one of our parts, who compromised the most I don't know. But when it came to large purchases for the house I wanted Ed to enjoy it too & I didn't think it was that important to force my view or it was easier for me to give in than to decide what I really wanted. Also in our marriage I was the one who took charge, I planned and made lists and I'd give Ed a list of things he needed to do so whatever was planned would be accomplished. Whether it was one of the many times we moved, a holiday or just company coming for dinner. In reality I think he didn't care because then he didn't have to make a decision. The only time he didn't like things planned out was on vacation or day trips and we still had great times. I used to think this was a weakness but realized it was because he valued and trusted my opinion and judgement more than I realized. I tried to make a list of things I liked, but all I could think of was things Ed liked because it seems that is what we usually ended up doing or we compromised and thinking back than neither of us really got what we wanted. My biggest question was concerning my lack of being able to show emotions, as I may have mentioned because of my crying my children are now seeing a side of their mother they never knew existed. My mother used to say of all of her children I was the only one who didn't want to be cuddled. Ed was the compassionate one. I wonder can an emotionless person drain the emotions out of another person so that person could no longer show the other person emotion? Another thing I realized was that we had been in a mostly contented phase of our marriage until I started a new job in Oct of 2008. At which time I became very discontented and frustrated and I thought that is was because of Ed, when actually it was the responsibilities of the job. I wasn't used to the pressurers of that type of job and I took it out on him. Why is it we don't see our circumstances this clearly until it's too late? I hate the struggle between my heart, that wants to remember only the wonderful loving person he was a long time ago and my head that keeps reminding me of how miserable we both had been these past years. Which do I listen to? I realized I had to listen to both and continue with this conflict until I can make the two into the truth. I have to remind myself it's only been seven weeks. Again, thank you for letting me give a voice to my grief. Karen Anniebear I'm so sorry about your friend. I hope you continue gardening and don't give up on wanting to be a Master Gardener it is very rewarding. I also hope you will complete your project, keep us all up to date on its progress. Most important wish your husband a Happy Birthday from all of us. I was writing some information on my calendar this evening and turned to December and saw the Anniversary sticker I had placed on the date of what would have been our 35th Anniversary and I bawled because he won't be there to celebrate it with me ever again....See Moreposieh
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