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Posted by mom24 (My Page) on
Wed, Mar 7, 07 at 17:44

I lost my big sister on October 21, 2006. She was just 47 when she passed very unexpectedly. Some back ground information for you- My sister suffered from depression and drug addiction. I have 4 other siblings and my sister who passed has a grown son who is very much like a younger brother to me. For a long time, I did everything I could think of to help my sister with her problems. One of the problems was that she was in a relationship with a man who had been jailed many, many times for drug sales, guns, etc. In the year before my sister passed, I learned that my grown nephew was fighting a prescription drug addiction and that his suppliers for the drugs included my sister and her boyfriend. I did what I thought was the right thing and threw myself into supporting my nephew and helping him with his addiction. I was angry and hurt that my sister would feed that poison to her son, so I ended communication with her. I and one of my brothers were the only two siblings that communicated regularly with my sister so I felt that if I took that away that it might make her think about what she was doing. I stopped talking to her and she passed away and now the guilt and pain I feel on a daily basis just eat me up. I cry every single day and she died almost 5 months ago now. I tried talking to her and telling her I'm sorry and asking her to forgive me but I don't know if I can forgive myself and I seem to be the only one in the family that struggles with the grief. No one else really talks about her unless I initiate it which makes me feel like I'm dwelling on it. I miss her so much and it just hurts to know she left this earth without knowing that I loved her. Does anyone have any advice for me on howto get past this and continue to live my life? I appreciate all feedback. Thanks

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: New to the forum...

I am so sorry for your loss and your feeling of guilt. You must understand that you are not responsible for the life choices your sister made.It is too bad that you couldn't reach into her heart and set her on the right path but the path she took was of her making.Your sister knows that you love her because your wouldn't have cared enough to try to help her if you didn't.Drugs do terrible things to people and they get caught in a whirl-pool that they just don't have the strength to climb out of. You did what you could and even though you were not able to help she knows you tried and I'm sure she loves you for that. She is with Jesus now and not in any more pain. Please try not to beat yourself up and to forgive yourself, you did your best and your sister knows that and loves you for it.Thoses of us left behind always have the hardest time because our loved ones are at peace now and we have to keep remembering that. Put all your strength into your nephew now and see if you can get him to see himself as he is and much Good Luck. God Bless you, I send you hugs.

RE: New to the forum...

I am so sorry you lost your sister, I lost my brother in August 2006, he too was 47. He had a heart attack and passed away on the way to the hospital. We had been close all our lives, but kinda had a falling out the week before he passed. He wasn't into drugs, but his children are. They had taken everything he had. He had to move in with our Mom and they were starting to take from her too. I went and talked to him about what was going on, and of course he already knew, but I had to say something anyway. Then Mom went in the hospital. We didn't see him for a week, and the next thing I knew the phone call came he was on the way to the hospital. When I got there he was gone. I never got to say I'm sorry, never got to make things right. I know he loved me, and he knew I loved him, but still we parted with bad feelings. What I am trying to say is I know what you are feeling. I am sorry for your broken heart! You need to focus on the love you shared, the good times you had, and let go of the guilt. Your sister knew you loved her and would not want you to hurt!

RE: New to the forum...

I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear sister and also for the feelings that you are having. I have to echo everything that Mav63 told you. I do want to add though, that you will see your sister again someday. She knows that you love her and when the two of you see each other again, none of this will matter. It is not mattering to her now.. only for you because you still have to live in this earthly life.
You did what you did merely through love. If you hadn't loved her, you wouldn't have cared enough to do anything to help. Just as parents love and discipline their children, you did what you thought was right for her. You should try not to feel guilty and just remember the love between the two of you and that that love will never die.
Love is for all eternity. She is at peace now, full of love and joy and happiness.

RE: New to the forum...

I am very sorry for your loss, i know all to well how it feels to loose a sibling for i myself lost one of my older sisters back in 1994. She was 22 . She was shot during a drive by and died the next day. I was very closed to her and i also tried helping her as much as i could, everytime she had problems with her abusive ex boyfriend, she really had a rough life. I know today, she is in a better place, and that she is caring for my son who passed away 6 years ago new years day. I can relate to how you are feeling and i'd like you to know that you shouldn't feel quilty about anything, you did all you could to help her and i know she knows that, i dont think she would want to see you this way. I know that she will always remember what you did for her from up above and that she loves you for always trying. Think of the good times you had together and i hope you find comfort in them. God bless you and i send you a big hug. Keep focus and know we are all here for you.

My best to you ...

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