Hello every one! I would just like to take this opportunity to thank you 3 for your words. Much appreciated! Lulie, Can't imagine how it is to later also loose your 19 year old. Some say it's even "harder" than loosing a parent. Though, in my humble opinion, a loss is a loss. We feel the same hurt and emotions. Although, I obviously miss her very much, I am happy she didn't really suffer and that it was relatively quick. Just felt it was too soon and definitely preventable. Makes me a little angry thinking about it to tell you all the truth. If only she had been willing to see the doctor on a regular basis. Unfortunately that was her own choosing. I realize there was nothing I could have done there. I keep thinking of that point over and over from time to time. I know I shouldn't. To avoid thinking about the "...should have, could have..." scaariios. How did you get from the day you lost your mother/daughter to this day? Just try to take things one day at a time? Keeping busy doing things you normally would have done? Curious. Any one can comment on this btw... Me, I'm just taking it day by day. As I said. Lately, it's just the mornings that are hard for some odd reason. As the day goes on I have an "easier" time. Though, for the past few days, my mornings have been better. Shorter bouts of saddness. Jennmonkey, As I mentioned. I'm presently unemployed so I haven't gone through what you just mentioned yet. Though, when I was working I never called home to my mother. I think it's coming home after work and not seeing her around that might hit me initially. Or not. I don't know. Can I ask you how it was being only 19 and loosing your mother at that time? If it's too hard to talk about I'll understand. I'm just thinking that is about the time you're in University preparing for your life. How for some people it might hinder their ability to function. Especially in such a difficult time. And I though my time with my mother was "short"...39 years. Also can I ask you how old you are now? I just hope I don't suddenly loose control of my emotions at work. Maybe I'm a little old fashioned. That "men shouldn't cry" at least in public. I suppose it's the same either way when you're at work. You don't want your co-workers to think you're freaking out. Going postal. That and you don't really want to tell them all you had recently lost a parent and treat you "special". Any how, thanks again for your comments people! I will definitely keep you posted. I do feel better being able to talk with people who have also lost a family member. It never hits you till it happens to you. Have a good week!

I'm so sorry. Take care of yourself & be kind to yourself. You write beautifully; writing down your remembrances, just a little each day, often helps. I wish you the best.

Hello Dazed, I am so sorry for all you are going through. Deborah also. Death is such a thief and we are never prepared I think. Not wether it's a long drawn out illness or totally out of the blue unexpected. It's not easier one way or the other because hope is always present and we don't see our loved ones gone. Can't. My mom died in 1991, Fourth of July weekend. She had baby sat her granddaughters for the weekend and was tired. They were small, 4 and 6 and kept grandma running. :) She told my dad she was going to take a nap to be up to watch t.v. with him later that evening. He went to bed later and thought she was just going to sleep through the night and when he woke for work at 4:00a.m. she was gone. No look of pain or strain. Just, stopped. For my dad especially, it was devastating. My mom and I were close, I was an only child and was close to both of my parents. However, they were each others best friend. My dad was a railroad man for 36 years, my mom worked in a factory for Milton Bradley toys. She was happiest as a 'homemaker', loved her little apartment, to cook and have company over for dinner. She prized what she had because she grew up so poor. My dad passed nine years later and thankfully now rests next to my mother. It's all he ever wanted and unfortunately drank himself there. Just couldn't cope. Find peace. What I was wondering is what beliefs you may have that you find comforting? Do you have questions about death? Do you look to scripture for comfort? It's there. Everything you may wonder about. Where your loved ones are. What they're doing. What they're not doing. What is in their future and yours. I would be so happy to help you through your own bibles find these answers. It's nothing mystical or magical. It is what has always been available free of charge for any who look to it for help. It's what gets me through day to day. There is sure hope of seeing them again. As far as doing as your mom said, Dazed, I would take a job if she says she is fine. Busyness is best right now. If she has to keep busy, even if its dealing with a somewhat difficult younger sister...it's good for her. We all need to feel we're in control. Your mom too. She knows you're there and willing and simple words of encouragement and complement on each step she takes is going to work wonders. My mom never let my dad use the washer or dryer when she was alive. "I have my own system". she'd say. When she died I kept close contact with my dad and helped with meals and such, but, cleaning and laundry...simple mundane little things I left for him and to my great surprise he accomplished it. He also shrunk a few items but it provided some good laughs between us. Your mom sounds like a wonderful woman. What she needs is space and hope. You too. You and Deborah both. Feel free to ask anything anytime, here or at rottenlivia@yahoo.com My name is Kim I'm a mom myself, a school bus driver and still a daughter. Always.

Dear Bruce25, Please accept my deepest sympathy on the passing of your mother. Evey one of us grieves at our own pace and in our own way. I see nothing unusual about your reactions or lack of outward signs of grief. You are just in the early stages of whatever path you are going to take. Three weeks is not long at all to have not taken action to get your mom's things to whereever they are going next. I urge you to move very slowly in cleaning up her car, clothes, etc. You need to give yourself more time to decide these things and you really don't want to hurry. You may take some actions that later you will wish you hadn't done. I was like you - very little outward emotion when my wife passed. I knew I would upset my young sons if I cried or was sad. But, it eventually came and still strikes me whenever it wants (it's been seven months). Odd things like a sound or smell can do it. You never know. The idea that it's hard to believe she's gone is a common one. I still can't believe it some days and I expect my wife to be somewhere close just out of sight. Your mind does things to protect itself. For you, this may be one of them. You sound normal to me! Again, I am so sorry for your loss. Best wishes, Doc