W hen will all the pain go away?

18 years ago

hello eveyone, its been a while since ive been here. I have been trying to cope and get back to normal, but I just dont know what normal is.I dont even know if you will remember me, but you always made me feel better.My husband passed away on july 3rd in a motorcycle accident and since that day ive been trying to pick up the pieces,but they keep falling.the holidays are so hard our daughters 1st birthday was on the 14th and that was the hardest one yet. Its just not fair. I know there is nothing i can do about it and i try so hard to be happy for them but inside I am a mess.I still wish a bus would hit me or something.Our anniversary is on the 29th, our sons birthday was in feb that one was hard to.I just wish the holidays would stop coming.And I took some advise from lulie I think I dont remember for sure but I think it was you who said to do a web sight in memory of my husband. I did it it makes me feel better to be able to do something in his honor. so thank you for the advise and if you would like to visit it it is at memory-of.com then just type in his name.( LEONARD MONDRAGON ). You guys always make me feel better so I came back to say hi and to see how you are all doing. always Tracy

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Comments (9)

Ina Plassa_travis
18 years ago
I don't think it does, really- we just develop new muscles, so that we can carry it.

I haven't been around in a while either - poppa's been gone since august, but mom still needs my help, and the dog pulled her off her feet last week, and my pushy bastiche of a brother had promised to take the dog when she sold the house, but didn't really want to - until he got a look at the bruise that went from her knuckles to past her wrist (thank gods one of my friends is a geriatric specialist RN who could tell me if I was doing right with the ice and the binding!)

but it's been hell...my birthday was worse than Dad's, he always made such a fuss about mine, eh?

I can't imagine what it's like trying to help two young kids through it at the same time.

*hugs*

wish I had more to offer.
loagiehoagie
18 years ago
I won't say I know how you feel....because nobody does...but I am in constant pain too. My momma passed Jan.30. I love her so much....I can be fine for periods of time (hours) and then a crushing wave of grief can hit me right out of the blue. I cried myself to sleep night before last.

I know what you mean about the bus hitting you. I sometimes feel like I wish I would die too. It would be alot easier than living with the pain, but I know someday I will be with my mom again...

I wish I could offer something else. You have that little baby...and I know that probably seems like a blessing, but it's not fair to have her not know her daddy.

I wish we lived near each other and you could cry on my shoulder, and I on yours.

Duane
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Trailrunner - I was reading some of this to DH last night, he thought they sounded like great ideas btw, and when I was done reading the first thing he said to me was,"Wow, I can't believe people take the time to type that much out trying to help someone. " Ha. Gotcha on the wear them only for running. Oh I know not to wear the orthotics and insoles at the same time. I know now (didn't at first years ago!) to take out the pads shoes come with first. Powerstep is the brand of inserts I bought from the Podiatrist. Heard of or any thoughts on them? I forget what name my orthotics are they don't say anything on them but they came in a bag that did. The bottom is hard plastic but the top is blue firm foamy stuff. He said something about it being new stuff. Do you think the Podiatrist would give me a hard time about "put a good padded front made of the new high tech triple layer stuff they have or....you can get a good insert and cut it to fit flush with the front of the orthotic"? Guess I won't know until I try but I'm picturing them wanting to know what I'm diagnosing myself since they apparently didn't think I needed that. Oh, well. I wondered how the ball of my foot was getting any support if I'm use my new orthotics in shoes I took the insole out since there's nothing there. In the past (I'm sure from wearing heels) I've had pain in the balls of my feet. I tried to tell him this too while I was there but he wasn't interested in hearing it since I wasn't having pain. Thanks for the heads up about the glucosamine. I think it actually might be what DH takes! I need to check that out. He gets on me about how I really should take it. I can take all three of those types of pills. That does sound like a lot! I'm guessing it just kills the pain longer? Does that help with the healing process at all. Perhaps that's a dumb question. I checked out that roadrunner site and the chart and I'm not sure if I'm N or PN. I'm under 150lbs and I do under 25 miles a week for N but the PN says, you run races or enjoy fast running. I like fast running. When I said I never considered myself a runner it's because I normally don't do more than 3 miles at a time and normally it's intervals. The thought of a 50 or even 10 mile race makes me cringe. Figured I'd ask but thought N would probably be my best bet regardless? Also, the NB shoes look like they're for trail running and I'm normally on a treadmill, does this matter? I really like that site. It even tells you to order sizes up for some shoes. The current ones I have are on there and it does say to order 1/2 size bigger. Go figure. Onlines shoes didn't tell me that! How's this for the laces? It still feels kind of tight around the top. Probably just the poor fitted shoes. For now, I'll rest from running. I have other sneakers I can wear for biking or whatever. By the time I'm ready to hopefully run again I'll make sure to have good sneakers. Seww - Thanks for the link. It seems very common here that even running stores have people in them that don't really know what they're doing. They just find the size in the back room. I'm at least going to go and attempt to try some on in person. Deedee - Oh my, I laughed out loud when I read that. That wasn't real nice of him! For a long time I thought I must be the only person with wider feet! One time on ebay I bought a really nice and expensive pair of heels. I did not know B meant narrow (I think it's B - whichever one is narrow). There is no way I can wear them. Not possible. It was funny even trying to put them on. They're in my closet because I couldn't resell them. Nobody in the world has a size 5 narrow foot either. :)
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alisande
18 years ago
It's early yet, Tracy. Sometimes it's so hard to make decisions, to function, that the best thing you can do is ask yourself what your husband would want you to do. One thing I'm sure of--he would want you to take care of yourself so you can take care of your children. They need you now more than ever.

Susan
socks
18 years ago
I checked out the memorial website. Wonderful--comorting words, good family and friend pictures. Thank you for sharing.

I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I hope your children are doing ok. Hang in there.
sudiepav
18 years ago
I think chinacat sunflower is right. The pain is still there, but it's borne differently and in a stronger manner. That's not to say that it's easy. Particlarly when you least expect it, things just smack you in the face. You're still feeling the first sharp emptiness and pain of grief. It WILL get better, but it won't ever go away. I'm so sorry it's so painful. Hug your babies and be strong. Your're in my thoughts and prayers.
tjmondragon
Original Author
18 years ago
thank you all for talking to me, its always comforting to know someone cares and is going thru the same thing.its so nice to hear from all of you... tracy
adoptedbyhounds
18 years ago
Hi Tracy,

Thanks for posting the information about your memorial to Leonard. It is so nicely done, and I am glad you posted his picture. He was a handsome young man, and he was obviously very much loved. I am so sorry for your loss.

About your deep sadness: One thing you might want to do, if you haven't already, is make an appointment with your doctor to discuss how you're feeling and how you're coping. You sound so very depressed, which isn't surprising or unreasonable at all, considering all you've been through. Also, it's spring, with summer and the terrible first anniversary of Leonard's death. Somewhere in your mind, I am sure that thought is lurking, and adding to your pain.

If you're not being medically treated for depression, now might be a good time to discuss options with your doctor. Newer medications can make such a difference in the quality of life for persons plunged into depression. When they feel better, their families feel better. Remember it's a personal decision and nobody's business but yours. I don't know how many "supports" you have near you, but there's nothing wrong with seeking professional help. Please seek the company of people who care about you, and accept that it's OK to grieve. But it's also OK to ask for help. Best wishes "Nikoleta"
lmb_ckb
18 years ago
Hello Tracy,
Your husbands memorial is nice and says a lot about the family man he was. Your husband and my 23 year old son left this earth in the same way--both on a motorcycle. Something that was in their blood. Please allow people who have been there before you to help you. They are a blessing to me. Find a group session in your area of town. Know that "this too shall pass " ! YOur little ones will be survivers of the strongest because of your will and their fathers encouragement from above . I have come to realize that there is a greater presence over us all. May your days be blessed with strength and comfort.
Lauren.....Darren's mom May 30,1982-Dec. 6 2005
lulie___wayne
18 years ago
Tracy, the memorial site is so nice. Thank you so much for sharing it. I'm glad I suggested that to you if it has helped you in any way. To us, it was one of many things we felt we wanted to do and it has been helpful to us with our grief. I think we all want our loved ones remembered.
I'm so glad that you touched base with us again. Your continued pain over your tremendous loss is understandable.
I know that with the anniversary coming up in a few months, you are probably feeling the loss even more acutely. I start feeling it weeks before. I have a few days now, as Christin's anniversary is April 5.
Thanks for checking in with us and keep in touch.
May God continue to bless you and give you strength to carry on for your children as well as yourself.
Lu

W hen will all the pain go away?

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Ina Plassa_travis

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W hen will all the pain go away?

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