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Closure now.

Posted by rabbit8 (My Page) on
Sat, Feb 12, 05 at 22:09

My brother was cremated last feburary. It was his wish. I received the urn I wanted today and had the rest of his ashes placed in it. I had some of his ashed placed at the foot of my mother grave with a headstone. I want to know if there's a special place for a urn; I was thinking on my dresser in the bedroom.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Closure now.

well, just my thoughts on this. i would place the urn in an area of the home more public. i have pictures of casey on my dresser. i see them just before i go to bed...crying. many times before bed, i have to make an effort not to look at them so i will not start crying, only to be awake all nite. im sorry that you lost your brother. youre at the right place, there are some sweet people at this site that will be helpful to you.


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RE: Closure now.

My Mother was creamated. I kept her on my dresser for about six months. I kept a small amount and put it in one of those egyptian perfume bottles before taking her to the ocean.

Had she not requested this she'd still be on the dresser. In this life she never cared to be the center of attention.

I sure miss her...

Wing


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RE: Closure now.

I don't think there is a "right" place for an urn...up to you. Personally I would keep it in a place where you are comfortable experiencing the emotions it might arouse...depending on who is around at the time, who lives in your house, etc. Derry


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RE: Closure now.

Not to personalize your post...but I always thought that when it's my time I hope my (future) children would display my urn in a public area in their home...like perhaps on a mantle or in the DR. I always thought how nice it would be to be with them during holidays and happy, family times. Maybe your brother would appreciate that as well. Anytime you're all together as a family it will be as if his spirit is there with you...watching, laughing, and celebrating his and your lives.

Just a thought...of course, do what you feel is right for you.

Adrienne


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RE: Closure now.

From Rabbit8
I didn't put have all of his ashes placed in the grave; I kept some. I had them place in urn two weeks ago at the funeral home. They are on my dresser and it bothers me in a way because I feel as though I should have placed them all in the grave at the foot of my mother's grave. One of my brothers dislikes me because I carried out his wish. A friend asked me what was I'm going to do with some of the ashed I kept. What are going to happen to them years to come (like 50 or more I think she was saying). She told me in so many words she didn't want to be cremated. What did I do wrong? Sometimes I feel guilty about it because his body was burning at such a high temperature, but it was his request to me, not to the rest of the family.


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RE: Closure now.

You gave your brother his last request...that is all that matters. It sounds as if your other brother is grieving his loss and as so many do...take out their hurt on others close to them. Simply let your brother know how much it meant to your other brother. In time he will learn to accept it and understand.

As for the cremation itself...any which way you think of them is difficult. I often think of my sister underground...cold and dark...it's morbid and gruesome...but I think it's normal. We love them...we miss them...and we want them to be comfortable. But in our hearts we know they are. It is just their shells that were burned or underground....

I also think you did the right thing for YOU by placing the majority of his ashes at your mother's feet...but keeping some of them for yourself.

Perhaps you'll keep them...or perhaps someday you'll think of that special place that you and he had memories together (a playground, a beach, whatever) and decide that you want the remaining part of him to live on at that special place.

Don't worry what others think...50 years from now you may still have the ashes...or you may not. It's not the business of anyone else. And as for your brother...just give him time...he'll come around.

Hugs,
Adrienne


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RE: Closure now.

Adriennel,
Thanks so much for the comfort.


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RE: Closure now.

I'm sorry for the loss of your brother.
I too agree that you should put them where it is most suiting for you. Have you thought about requesting that the remaining ashes that you kept be buried with you? Don't feel guilty about your decision to cremate him. You carried out HIS wishes because you love him.
Lu

Here is a link that might be useful: Christin Cosby Memorial Web Site


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RE: Closure now.

Yes, I thought about keeping the rest of his ashes and have them placed in the coffin with me.

Thanks


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RE: Closure now.

I think that having his ashes placed with you sounds very comforting. My first husband was cremated, and his ashes were put in his mother's coffin when she died some years later. My brother died many years ago, and he is buried with my parents but there are no more plots near them. My sister and I wanted to have them moved, but there is some concern about the condition of his coffin, so we have let them be. He was my best friend, and if I were in your situation, I think I would find it comforting to have his ashes and know they were going to be at rest with me.


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RE: Closure now.

I'm sorry for your loss of your brother. My husband and I had said we wanted to be cremated but we could never decide exactly what we wanted done with the ashes. The one thing we did decide was that when one of us was gone the ashes would be kept until the other died. My husband died last September and I have his ashes in a small trunk that sits on a table in our living room. Our children all know that when I die I'm to be cremated and then our ashes are to be combined and scattered. I guess now it's up to me to decide where - and it really doesn't matter. We'll be together again in ashes and in the after life. Place the urn where you think you'd like it to be. At first I wondered if it might make guests uncomfortable for the trunk to be in the living area. But in the end I realized that isn't something I need to be concerned with - I treat his remains with respect and I am honored to have them. I know you'll find the right place for your brother's.


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