Mom died, can't get vision out of my head
kenwah2009
15 years ago
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barker_tx
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agomarksf
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
I can't shake my sadness. DH's Mom has passed.
Comments (15)Clare, I missed seeing this earlier. I'm so sorry. Even though you weren't close physically, you had a connection. Emotions are not something we can always predict. Grief can hit unexpectedly. It did so with me when a friend passed away that I wasn't super close to, as in best friends, but we sang in choir together as altos, and I admired her greatly. Her death from cancer hit me much harder than I ever expected. It's natural. It's unfortunate you can't express it openly. I'm sure you miss being there with your DH, too. Hang in there. I'll be thinking of you. Sally...See MoreMom is slowly killing herself and I can't cope
Comments (4)The only advice I can think of is for you to find a good Alanon group or the narcotics equivalent, if such a thing exists. Alanon helps those who love addicts or those who are dysfunctional in other ways, and helps them deal with the terrible frustration, anger, and sorrow that comes from watching someone they care about destroy themselves, and being powerless to help. The other thing I want to say is that I'm certain on some level your mom is aware that her child rather miraculously grew into a good person living a good life. Even if she can't bring herself to say it, I'm sure she's filled with pride for you. You come across as a very caring and wise person, and I send you my sympathy. You're in a difficult situation. I hope it resolves in a positive manner, but if not please assure yourself that you've done your best. Susan...See MoreIt Get's Easier With Time But I Still Miss My Mom
Comments (26)My Mom was the greatest person, mother, wife in earth. She was the most spiritual, humble, compassionate, beautiful person I¡¦ve ever known. She was my rock, my faith, my comfort and my guidance, I feel as if I am lost in limbo without her. She had such a story, she was the oldest girl of 13 Children, and she raised her brothers and sisters while her parents ran the bar they owned across from Leavenworth Prison. When she wasn¡¦t doing that she was working in the bar. It made her who she was; she never drank, smoked or swore. She gave my Dad 40 years of her life. She lost her first born child when she was only 23. My brother Todd died of cancer when he was only 2, but yet she had the strength and courage to have 2 more children. I had told her so many times that I did not know how she could overcome that. With him being my only child at the time, I think I would have had to lie down and die beside him. She went head to head with a few Demons¡Kreal ones¡Kand a couple of my boyfriends, and let me tell you she was not afraid to tell them where to go. º My heart has been broken ever since January 5, 2005 when she was diagnosed she was given 6 months to 1 year, but she fought like hell for 1 year AND 6 six months. I am so grateful for all of the extra time that we were given. When she was told of this horrible news, she refused it, would not accept it. As did my Dad, my Sister and I. How could someone so full of life, someone whose eyes sparkled so bright be given this terrible burden? It wasn¡¦t fair, but even then she was teaching us something. She was so brave and never once did she let her faith fall. I spent every moment I could with her, every lunch hour, anytime Dad needed a break, to cook, didn¡¦t matter what I was there! I just wanted to soak her all in, time was running out. Mom grew weaker, the pain intensified, and she had so much confusion from all the meds and so came the need for her to have someone by her side 24/7. I basically moved back ¡§home¡¨ for the last month to help Dad. My sister was called and was also told to come ¡§home¡¨, time was running short. It was not until this time that she actually gave up, ¡§I want you to know that I can¡¦t fight this anymore, I am tired and I have decided to give up. I want you to know that you girls are the light of my life and I love you¡¨. And I told her that we understood, we would be ok and there was a little boy waiting for her and now it is his turn, we had kept her long enough. I thanked her for showing me the kind of person I wanted to grow to be and let her know how much I loved her And a few days later she was gone, I was there with her and holding her hand at that very moment. She was only 59¡Kand I am 29¡KI still need my mom. She once was the greatest person, Wife and Mother on earth and now she is the most beautiful of all the Angels in heaven. My Sister will be here for the Thanksgiving holiday and we have decided that it is time to start going through her things. Deciding how we are going to divide her art, and all her possessions that meant so much to her. What to do with her clothes, her shoes, her books. Call me crazy but I always hope that something from her will show up somewhere, she was the type to tuck little notes away that you would end up finding. I look for her all the time in my dreams; I could sit in pure silence for hours waiting to her voice. I miss her so much; I thought this was to get easier as time passes? Just when I feel that I am up on my feet, they get knocked out from underneath me. How do I deal? What about this hole I feel in my chest? I too hate the cemetery, to see her and my brothers granite stones laying side by side just rips me apart, I never go and I do feel guilty about that, but I don¡¦t feel that is where is ¡§she¡¨ is. June was the month we lost her, to be precise¡KJune 29th, 2006 11:13 am. I hate this month¡Kand I hate that day even worse....See Morestep daughters mom died and now she lives with us........
Comments (7)Well I think i can give you a different perspective. On Sd and they way she is, i understand. I lost my mother to cancer when i was 11 1/2 years old. So...looking back on those years now, i now see that i was also a very negative , angry individual. I felt that life was unfair and that i was jipped by my mother's death. I focused alot of hate on my own father and i wasnt' the most warm person when he tried to meet woman. My first SM was to me terrible. Not to me but to her kids and i was indifferent to her. My second was amazing. Why? She did'nt infringe on my space. Thought or physical.She let me go to her ...not the other way around. You said you spend money and alot of time to get to know her and fix her room....a bonding when she was no where near being ready to do that with you. I understand your intention were good. I dont think you are a bad person...but it was too soon for this year and she was just thrown into your house without the choice. Plus grandma sounds like a B**ch....So that didn't help you cause. Your husband. Is an *ss for what he has done to you as a friend adn partner in marriage. I would be more concerned with him. He sounds like my husband who didnt' want couciling either...so i basically told him that we are either on the same page or we are not. The day i see him taking his kids side over me , is the day we divorce. I made it very clear to him. The kids fall under the marriage. UNDER the parents. THey are not equal to the parents or more important. All the kids...bio, or step.. THe main issue to address is your husband. Speak to him and stand you ground with him to clear state you treat each child the same and his daughter will be no different. You've put time and effort and she hates you?? Normal, she has emotional issues. Sit down with hubby and tell him how you feel and tell him you were hurt by his comment. That sd is part of our family and will be treated the same...she should not be treated special because mommy died. .....Does she also have biopolar???? This could also be an issue of behaviour. Question...How was your SS with you ? Was it good? Was your husband at his defense when something came up divided or did he agree with you? Cause if he was fine with him , then you should remind your hsuband how he was with his son and you and that sd does not and will not get any special treatment. In the end , if he continues to act this way, warn him it will be the demise of your marriage. If he wants to do that its his choice but you know what, pull back from her and let her dad handle her. Take care of your daughters and when she mouths off to them, you defend them tooth and nail and take it on with your hubby. Go to counciling for your own piece of mind...you can't force you husband but you can put your foot down with him..and if he doesn't like it...sorry tosay...tell him to take the door. You are either a team or you are not. Yes its harsh..but i noticed that some men here are wishy washy with their daughters and need to have it put straight in their face without suttletees... I have a friend of mine , whos' friend at work divorced because daddy put their own daughter above the marriage..well....they divorced and dad has custody because mom doesnt' want her. Its sad..it happens...but its a crazy world. 1. Take a break from her and step back. 2. Go to counciling and see what they say. 3. Keep open honest calm communication with hubby for now. 4. Let him handle her. She views you with hate because she has alot of emotions to deal with....leave her have some space. Its important. 5. Concentrate on your girls now and leave her with dad...it will be divided for a time but it wont last forever. 6. Connect with hubby again and keep connected for your relationship.....because if that goes...its dangerous for the futur. Tell him you will back off on sd but that he must be responsible for her since she has issues with you. 7 . YOU: Expect nothing from her...no cleaning..no chores...her homework? your hubbies problem....expect nothing...Focus on your girls. Your sd is angry, hurt and still trying to get over the loss of her mom...she sees you in the 'mother' position and she hates that...not you personally. She is too young to separate the two. She'll be like this for a while...i know..i went through it. Give her space....See MoreLinda
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