Hi Joanie,

I'm sorry you're hurting so much. I completely understand where you're coming from. My mother and I had birthdays 6 days apart and we always celebrated them by going out to dinner (on each day!). Two birthdays have gone by since she passed, and it is alwasys a sad day. I try to do something a little different on that day -- the first year I went to a play with my cousin. I'm not sure what I did last year. It's so hard. I, too, feel like my mother just left me even though it's been a year and a half.

It's late in the day now, but maybe you can do something for yourself tomorrow? For me, I believe that I honor my mother best by continuing to live my life as she would have wanted. Some days it's a lot easier than other days.

((((((Joanie)))))))

My mother's birthday was recent also. We sure miss our moms, don't we?! I didn't do anything special on her birthday, just thought about her, the way she was, imagining her sitting in her kitchen, what she would say about things that have happened since she died.

It's so good you spent time with your mother, especially your birthday outings. Those times were wonderful to you both and are cherished memories. Take care, Joanie.

Sue

my moms birthday was recent also...(feb 1)..its been 18 years....i miss her just like it was yesterday...she was only 51 years old....will we ever get over the feeling of needing our moms?? i don't think so....sometimes i feel as though i'm just playing at being an adult....that really inside i'm just a little girl that needs her mom....do i fool the rest of the world?? probably....but inside of me i am still her little girl that still needs her reassurance for things i do.....

Thanks everyone. I feel exactly as you do ibensg, that inside I'm just a little girl that still needs my mom's reassurance. I feel badly too though because so many of my mom's last birthdays we spent apart because I moved far away with my family. Besides losing her and Dad, that was the hardest thing I ever had to do. We were always close though, we talked on the phone every day and I was able to move just a few hours away 2 years ago. I can honestly say she is the best friend I ever had. I miss her terribly. I always will I just know it.
On her birthday, my husband and I went out to dinner without kids. He's leaving on another business trip soon and we needed some time together. We toasted my mom and I cried in the restaurant, but it was good to speak of her outloud. Later that night we went through her old high school year book. She was the prettiest one in her whole class.
Joanie

My momma passed Jan.30, 2006. She was very sick and had a total of 5 heart attacks from Jan.15 of last year. They had no choice but to try a quad-bypass even though the risk was great. She battled from Jan.11 to the 30th and then just couldn't do it anymore. I feel like dying myself. I am her oldest child and only son. We were so close I cry everyday...sometimes several times a day...and I'm 46 years old. I feel like a little kid again..but not in a good way LOL.

My folks 47 wedding anniverary was yesterday, Valentines day. That was a rough one, but her birthday is coming up also...March 2.

When people talk of their parents and relatives dying it doesn't hit home until it happens to you.

I sure hope this gets a bit easier as time goes on. It sure is rough right now.

Duane

hey there duane....i'm very sorry about your loss.....it does get better....but never goes away....it took me about 7 years to just be able to talk about my mom without crying...and as lomg as its been now...(18 yrs)....its still hard....your life has changed forever now....i'm forced to be a "grown up" now....i often wonder if i'm really fooling everyone into thinking i'm an adult....or do they secretly see through me and know i'm just a sniffling little kid deep inside thats needs her moms "ok" and reassurance for all i do and decisions i make....i think we are never real adults until we do lose our parents....
you will always miss your mom....and you will never be the same person....but it will get easier with time....we all go through it though and you will survive....hang in there....good luck to you, pam

Pam, thanks for the nice response. I just miss her so much. I called her at least twice a day all last year. Now to not have her on the other end of the phone is really tough.

I had a voice mail on my cell phone that I transfered over to a cassette tape. Here she is in Intensive care and calling to say she was worried about me since I hadn't called. SHE is in ICU and worried about ME! That is just the kind of lady she was.

I can't give her a hug anymore...// She was blind but loved to go shopping. I took her out every saturday...

I know she was very sick and I did just about everything I could...but it is still just such a hollow/sick feeling in my stomach.

God Bless you momma.