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A question for you

Posted by jlhug (My Page) on
Mon, Jan 24, 05 at 21:17

A coworker's 3 month daughter died unexpectedly tonight. I do not know any more information. I would like to do something for them other than the standard card and food, etc. Does anyone have any suggestions for something I can do for the family? The baby's parents and grandparents all work in my office. I know they need money, but I feel awkward handing my boss's son and daughter-in-law cash or a check.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: A question for you

How awful. My heart breaks for this family....

It may not be the best time to give money, but maybe some options down the road may be to take up a collection...i am not sure how close you are to them for this. If that seems appropriate in this case, perhaps the other coworkers would want to help with this. I know of a similar situation, but it was a coworkers wife who passed away. The office took up a collection and the person who was closest to this family gave it to them after the services. Sometimes this is much appreciated to help with expenses. I think taking real food, not just desserts, are always welcomed. A family going thru such a tragedy will no doubt have many stopping by and it helps if there is food already prepared. You are very kind to want to do something for them. I am sure you have offered to help them and they know you are there if they need you. Sometimes, that is simply all you can do at a time like this. EVeryone feels helpless and wants to do something. If you think the money would be helpful, perhaps you can even discuss with the other workers to get other feedback. I cant imagine a family going thru this and would not know what to do other than help where i could.

RE: A question for you

God bless their hearts! I cannot begin to imagine their pain and you are a dear to want to help. I think that initially there is such a blur of activity - so many people reach out to help. When my husband died there was so much food brought in. I was grateful because I couldn't have made a grocery list if I had to but what I personally ate in a days time would have fit on a dessert plate. That taught me to take a little something initially but around the third week I will take food because that seems to be about when the appetite comes back but by then all of the food that was brought in is gone. I think that would be appreciated. Many people gave me cash and that helped a lot. It certainly didn't offend me but everyone is different about that kind of thing. I've noticed that sometimes a local church will set up a fund for the family of the deceased. If you think that people handing them cash would make them uncomfortable you might ask them if you could set something like that up for them then get the word out. I hope you find a way to help them and God bless you for trying.

RE: A question for you

When our daughter died, people brought in food etc. My sister in law and brother brought over meals, full meals, for three 0r four days. i don't remember which.

About six weeks after she died, I received a letter and cards in one envelope from the people she worked with. They also had taken up a collection and sent a cashier's check to me. i was overwhelmed by the amount.

Rollie, DH, suggested we take the kids and their familiess out to dinner. that included her son and fam., our son and daughter and families and my mother. We had a time agreeing on a place to go, but we wound up at the Olive Garden. My mom was recuperating from the flu and didn't want to go. there were thirteen of us. It used up most of the money and what is left we are sending to our son and grandson etc in Kentucky. rollie thought it would be a fitting memorial to Shelly to have us gather together.

there is enough insurance to pay for the funeral, so we thought this way would be fairest to use the money. Shelly loved to go out to dinner


RE: A question for you

We also had people set up a fund for us to help with funeral and hospital expenses after Christin left. It was set up through a local bank. Meals were brought in every day for weeks and that was much appreciated. We also recieved many gift certificates for meals which I still have some that I haven't redeemed since almost 7 years ago. We just got so much and it was all so appreciated. It's good when people try to coordinate the meal thing. Some days we would have several people bring in food and of course, we just couldn't eat that much and most of our family were in town, so it didn't have other mouths to feed. People are so good and generous most of the time. Depending on how close you are to this family, maybe you tell them that you are going to do something but you'd like to know what would benefit them the most and ask them to be honest with you.

RE: A question for you

I think the idea of a group collection would be wonderful and allow your coworker to thank all of you at once instead of individually which will be time consuming. I think the offer of meals would be wonderful too. I suggest gathering the names of individuals who can participate and send a card stating of your intentions and offer to do meals right away or maybe 2 wks down the road when the appetites are back but normal routine is not. Another idea if they are financially set is to make a donation to a local charity, like a childrens hospital or school in the baby's name.

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