How to live after the death of a spouse
User
11 years ago
Featured Answer
Sort by:Oldest
Comments (42)
luvstocraft
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoUser
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Sudden Witnessed Death of Spouse
Comments (14)Becky, I've had a tough year too. I get it, but it's time to -- in the words of my late father -- get an attitude adjustment. I hated it when he said that. ;-) I hope you will understand what I am saying and know it not said with judgment, any harsh thoughts or desire to cause you pain. Sometimes there are things e probably already know, but it helps to hear someone else say them. That's where I'm coming from -- with a desire to help you over a hurdle. I see so much to be grateful for and to celebrate in your posts. Isn't it wonderful that you found that happiness and know that life has so much more to offer you than you had before? Eighteen months is not years or decades, but it is hundreds of days -- hundreds of sunrises, hundreds of sunsets and everything in between. And what about the fact that you were married? You may be a widow now, but had you not been married, you would not be next of kin and would have had no legal relationship or rights. He could have just as easily have passed before you were married and you would have had no say on his final affairs. You did say goodbye -- you tried to save him and pull him back, then you laid him to rest when you couldn't. That's more than many people get, Trust me, even when death is years in coming, you don't get to plan the moment or the way you say goodbye. You make the most of what you get and you give what you can for as long as you can. What do you want your late husband's legacy to be? What would he want the gift of his time with you to be? Sorrow? Being oppressed by his memory as you were a previous spouse? Or joy for everyday you had together and the things you know are possible? First tings first -- stop kicking yourself. You are not God. You didn't give him the heart condition and you couldn't save him. You said some things you regret -- doesn't everyone? And don't you think the one who loved you knew that better than anyone? If he didn't then, he does now -- more than you. Most of all, I want to suggest you try to spend some time each day counting your blessings. Maybe first thing over coffee, maybe in the shower or as you get ready for sleep -- it may be the first spring bloom you saw, a favorite tune you heard, a kind word said, a checkout line that moved quickly, that you didn't get any bills in the mail -- or at east anything unexpected, hat a friend shared a happiness with you or you were able to do something for someone else. Find a few new things each day and reflect back on one happiness from days gone by, Say thank you fr each one and don't take them for granted. The events in your life may not change (maybe they will), but how you feel about them will. I bought a greeting card when I was in college and planned to send it to my parents when the time was right. Instead, I enjoyed reading it and still have it. It had a Sandra Boyton hippo on the front and he was saying he was on a new diet. He used to eat when he was unhappy, so now he only ate when he was happy. You open the card and he comments, "I haven't lost a pound, but the change in my mood is remarkable." Loved that card and it still makes me smile. Then try to reach out to others who are lonely or in need of help. There are so many elderly who need companionship, meals or assistance with simple tasks, people who need tutoring. blind people who would appreciate reading books for them or taping them, children and adults in hospitals who are bored or scared, animals in shelters who would love to be touched and loved, walked, etc. You might even decide to adopt a pet and give them a new lease on life and let them give you purrs or wags. Helping someone else up always lifts you too. You can't replace your late husband, but you can lose out on a lot of life and happiness wishing he was there. Instead, take what he taught you and what he shared with you and go apply it in a life he would be happy to be watching you live. Give him that gift - now and should you meet again. I've shed a lot of tears too They are unavoidable, and they can be cleansing. Cry when you have to, but don't let them take over. You were given a wonderful gift. Live thankfully....See Moresudden death of spouse
Comments (7)Support comes in many different forms. Do what YOU feel is right for you. How other people work through grief may or not work for you. Hopefully coming here will be a start. I am very sorry for your loss...there is no "good" age to die, and even if it is expected, it still stings. A sudden loss like that of your husband is a shock to the system to say the least. Be gentle & kind to yourself...it is very early in the grieving process for you. Be patient to yourself, there is no set time limit to work through. Did you have children or have other family? You are already beginning to heal, by coming here and being at work, but it is not something that "get over", more like as learning to "live with" it. Please let us know how you're doing. Again, sorry for your loss....See MoreLife after a death
Comments (4)Hooray for you!!!! So very happy you were able to get past your loss. Too many people get trapped in the past and can't move on. Life is to be enjoyed and celebrated, no matter what gets thrown our way. My heartfelt wishes to you in your new life. May it be long and happy!!! - Ellen...See MoreSad deaths after dozens die from drinking bath lotion
Comments (7)Very sad situation they are in there. One of my good friends mother was an alcoholic who had been through several treatments and would buy other products instead of alcohol . She drank mouthwash , perfume , multiple products but the worst were gallon jugs of hair spray . She had to have the ambulance come get her mom who was near death . The laquer in the cheap hairspray had coated her insides and her lungs. My next door neighbor admitted her to the facility that he ran at the time. He said she was one of the sickest he had seen . She was in lock down there for a while , it was also a mental illness facility , and she was definitely mentally ill too. Her daughter had been the parent for the adult , it was a terrible situation . Her mother was so mean , the things that poor girl had to live through I felt so bad for her . No child should be in that kind of life. She would come and stay with us often to get away . None of the rest of the mothers family members would do a thing to help ....See Moremav63_2007
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoluvstocraft
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agomav63_2007
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoUser
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoKonrad___far_north
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoUser
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoKonrad___far_north
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoluvstocraft
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoUser
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agopiegreg
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoUser
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agolaydeebug72
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agocrasher
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoUser
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoNinapearl
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agokhamilton
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoNinapearl
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agomissesmother
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoUser
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoNinapearl
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agomissesmother
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoNinapearl
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agosylviatexas1
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoUser
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agomissesmother
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoNinapearl
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agomissesmother
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agomissesmother
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoNinapearl
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agojoshy4
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agomama goose_gw zn6OH
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agojoann_fl
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agojoshy4
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agosylviatexas1
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agojoshy4
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agojoshy4
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agojoann_fl
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agosylviatexas1
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agojoshy4
9 years agolast modified: 9 years ago
Related Stories
FUN HOUZZ14 Things You Need to Start Doing Now for Your Spouse’s Sake
You have no idea how annoying your habits at home can be. We’re here to tell you
Full StoryTHE ART OF ARCHITECTUREFrei Otto Named 2015 Pritzker Prize Winner a Day After His Death
Architecture’s highest honor is awarded to the German architect who designed stadium roof canopies for the 1972 Olympic Games in Munich
Full StoryDECORATING GUIDESAre Ceiling Fans the Kiss of Death for Design?
Ceiling fans get a bad rap for being clunky and outdated, but these streamlined styles and a bevy of pros beg to differ
Full StoryMOST POPULAR9 Real Ways You Can Help After a House Fire
Suggestions from someone who lost her home to fire — and experienced the staggering generosity of community
Full StoryBEFORE AND AFTERSBefore and After: 19 Dramatic Bathroom Makeovers
See what's possible with these examples of bathroom remodels that wow
Full StoryLIVING ROOMSA Living Room Miracle With $1,000 and a Little Help From Houzzers
Frustrated with competing focal points, Kimberlee Dray took her dilemma to the people and got her problem solved
Full StoryLIFEHow to Fall Head Over Heels for Your Partner Again
Bring back that loving feeling this Valentine’s Day, and you just might live happily ever after
Full StoryHOUZZ TOURSMy Houzz: Peek Inside an Artist’s Updated Shotgun Home and Studio
Gorgeous art and elegant style befit this New Orleans live-work property
Full StorySTORAGE9 Ways to Avoid a ‘Floordrobe’ in Your Bedroom
Repeat after me: The floor isn’t storage space for clothes! Tackle the ‘floordrobe’ effect with these smart tips
Full StoryFEEL-GOOD HOME10 Friendly Furniture Pieces for a Comforting Home
Comfortable? Check. Sociable? Check. These enduring favorites never go out of style
Full Story
Ninapearl