How to live after the death of a spouse
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11 years ago
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Convincing a spouse to live in the country
Comments (37)Oh dear.... This is my life all over again. I married my hubby 37 years ago. I had always lived in a small town and he in the country. At the time we married he and his brother lived in a mobile home park. I moved in and we purchased it from my brother-in-law.. We had our first child and was due to have our second one. To make a long story short we purchased 10 acrea and moved to the country.. For many years I "HATED" it.... Honestly, I didn't think I was ever going to like it.. Finally after one more disagreement about living in the counry my hubby came in with his tools and said we were finishing what we had started and was selling the place.. We were moving to town... After some heavy thinking on my part I decided I would stay put in the country. My husband would have been lost in town.. Grant you I had lived in the country for 10 years... I finally decided I would work hard at getting in the same place my hubby was.. At that point we had 3 kids and they loved the country.. It was time for me to shape up.. I had to think of others , too. I still hated jumping in the car to go get milk, bread or whatever.. He did agree he would not move me any futher out.. He kept his word.. We are still in the same house.. Now, I can say I would hate moving into town.. I would go if something were to happen to my hubby. I sure could't keep the place up by myself.. We are at a place now in our lives that things are great.. My hubby is having a new huge barn built and I am getting a new kitchen. We have 3 grandbabies that come to visit the country. You see they all live in town or the city.. They all love to visit the country... I can say that the country is not for everyone.. I didn't think I would ever get here.. And many country folks would never live in the city.. My wonderful father-in-law used to tease me for wanting to live in the city.. Just try to be happy wherever you are... Enjoy, Susie...See MoreDating again after losing a spouse
Comments (5)Hello, well leonard has been gone for almost 11 months and I cant even imagine dating someone else. I have also not taken off my ring and I even get angry when people talk to me like hes not here anymore. But I am very sentimental and I feel like I am only 30 and was only 29 and will be a single girl until I meet him in heaven , But on the other hand I know of two ladies who are very close to me who have both tried to move on after they lost their husbands and they are different situations. My friend judy waited about 3 years and was reluctant to date again but larry kept on pushing and finally she gave in. he was a friend of her husbands and has taken very good care of her. My sister in law is another story she started talking to guys shortly after her husband passed but in her situation she did it for the wrong reasons. She did it because she was lonley and didnt like to be alone. And 3 years later you still see her put her rings back on and has never taken pictures down , she talkes about him alot to this day also, so I guess what im trying to say is he is always going to love her and she is always going to be part of his life and trying to make him forget about her or rush him to is not going to work if he still talkes about her that much and has not taken off his ring then he is not ready to move on. Im sorry if this is not good news for you but you can remain friends and maybe in the future when he is ready you will be there for him. I hope this helps you. Tracy...See MoreDid you and your spouse spend more time together after retirement
Comments (7)Devorah, After he retires, will your husband have each and every hour of each and every day crammed full of stuff to do? After a short while of running around kicking up their heels and getting a lot of the stuff done that they'd been looking forward for years to doing ... ... some freshly-minted retirees ... ... sit around and get bored. Some wives get fed up (well, frustrated) with hubs spending quite a lot of time around the house. They were used to having the house to themselves (for most of the day). When I talked to folks in seminars about retirement, I suggested that some men, used to being involved in many things, take to following their wives about the house, suggesting that if she were to do such and such a task in a little different way, it would be easier, take less time, be more efficient, etc. But that it might not be a god idea to follow that practice if there were a gun in the house. Or a baseball bat. Also said that Tom retired one day, and next morning was sitting in his favourite chair, reading the paper. After a few minutes, he put the paper down and looked around. Picked it up again and read a while longer, then put it down again and looked around. After about five times of this, Marje says, "Something wrong"? "Where's breakfast?", asks Tom. Marje replies, "You retired yesterday, didn't you?" "Yes," says Tom, "What's that got to do with anything?" "So did I", says Marje, sweetly. After Tom contemplates that answer for a moment or two, Marje continues, "I'll tell you what - I'll get breakfast now, and after breakfast is over, we'll sit down to discuss who's going to do what around here. How does that grab you?" We don't have record of Tom's reply. But this story seemed to receive a more positive response from the female portion of the audience than from their counterparts. Are there some interests of his in which you might develop an interest? Some of yours that might interest him, when he has more time on his hands? Perhaps you can develop some new paths that might be of interest to you both, when he isn't burdened by work any longer. Paid employment, that is - I realize that he's not the only one that works around your house, now. Good wishes to you both for a blessed New Year. ole joyful...See MoreHow did you compromise with your spouse?
Comments (29)well every couple is different I can tell you I was very surprized when a husband made an offer on our place, and his wife had seen only listing pictures. Maybe he wanted to surprise her, he knew she loved the pictures. I was like "wow! one partner makes a decision wow!" then the offer, we counter offered it, only then he brought his wife to make sure they want to go up in price. or with my ex, I was the one looking at properties, then I chose in my mind the one, then though I brought my ex to hear what he thinks..he spent 5-10 min in the place tops, said "yes"..then we put an offer. when we were installing a kitchen in our starter apartment(that kinda came with no real kitchen)-the only thing my then-husband was interested in, was giving me a budget line. He was completely uninvolved in the rest, since he wasn't interested that much and trusted my choices. Furniture, whatever we picked during years, we did pick together..art, we picked together..kitchen, was all on me. my now-husband is extremely involved in everything, so it works very differently if I'm already on that subject-we share many similar tastes and concerns, so it's not that hard to compromise. But then I learned to read him too. He won't be right away "yes" person. He can be right away a "no" person. Then I just don't continue and drop it. When he's very interested he needs more time though. I don't push him. That's how he is. Sometimes one doesn't have time..that's how we missed a perfect place for MIL, and he was very upset as we all were, and told me "you didn't push me hard enough". Well..I didn't want to push hard somebody who hates to be pushed..:)...See Moremav63_2007
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