skip to main content

It's been over 3 mths. now

15 years ago

Well it's been just over 3 months since my brothers passing and the grief journey keeps changing. Sometimes it surprises me how hard I am taking this, actually feels like I am an amature to hard times, but it's just the opposite I've had my share. I go to weekly griefshare meetings here locally and they help for the present but I still have many hard times by myself. I guess because my existance for many years centered around taking care of mom at home until she needed more and then supporting my brother at home for years after. We all lived together and started out them helping me from my accident back in 1997 when we decided it was economically sound to all get a place together and help each other as a family should.

Well being the youngest I never gave much thought to what I would do after moms cancer finally came back to take her and brothers cirrohsis beat us before getting him on the transplant list. Never allowed those negative thoughts to rule over my mind but I gotta say this is one of the hardest things I've ever faced alone.

Don't know which is worse, this identity loss of who am I now, or memories of rare weakness when I complained about taking care of my brother when things got rough. It all makes me realize how much I wish I still had them here now to take care of instead of this constant solitude and confusion about what to do. Age 54 seems alittle late to have such a huge mental change. Guess I am having a real moment of weakness.

Thoughts and Prayers to all who are grieving loss of loved ones.

Mark

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (4)

sylviatexas1
15 years ago
I'm so sorry.
donnawb
15 years ago
I am sorry for your losses and it is so understandable to be lost yourself. You have been a caregiver and put yourself last. Now you have to make a life for yourself. It certainly isn't easy but take baby steps and you will get there.

Do something that you have always wanted to do and never did. Find a hobby. Join different groups to meet people. Go back to school. Find something that will give you joy if only for a short time and then one thing leads to another.
Related Discussions
I've been over-watering, now what?
Q
Comments (1)
Hi ionic, You might do better asking this question in the vegetable forum. It sounds like a growing concern. Not that irrigation guys don't know how to raise crops and couldn't answer your questions but the master gardeners are lurking on those forums. One item is that that you should check for any burst soaker hoses that would cause uneven irrigation more likely and be very noticeable. Check if your hoses is rated for your system pressure. If you find out what water you need to apply, we can help you apply it with consistency. You would need to find your pressure and flow rate. That's it for me. Aloha.
...See More
It's been so quiet over here.
Q
Comments (37)
Hi Clara (and Pamela and Leahcate)! I just saw your post. My sister was just here and she quilts (I don't). Quilting is so intricate and detailed that I wouldn't even be able to get started, least of all enjoy it! My hat is off to you for realizing it's supposed to be fun. Clara, I haven't really found any forums for support, but decided to do what I knew how to do when I was first diagnosed. (There were a few on the cooking forum who helped me out initially.) I jumped immediately into an old Weight Watcher's diet until I got Diabetes nutrition education, along with my blood testing kit. I felt like I was flying blind until I started testing my Blood Glucose (BG), but after that was easily able to see the correlation between what I was eating and how it affected me. What's important are Little Meals, with some protein always included, with definite snacks in-between keep your BG more stable. I've been eating apples with a little peanut butter, or celery with PB or cheese. You'll have to limit your carbs and spread them out throughout the day...it's amazing how many carbs are in a large apple! I started actively reading labels and seeing how much a portion was (much less than I had been enjoying.) Google Diabetic Gourmet Magazine; there is good information there, and I periodically check to remind myself of how important it is keep tight control of Diabetes. My doctor suggested ''Diabetes for Dummies'' which was very helpful to me. I still pull it out to read when I have a question about something. There's some good info on the Mojo thread about the Glycemic Index (good carbs that are slower to raise BG), which helped me a lot. The thing you have to do is eat! Then wait two hours before you eat again. If you'd like a support buddy, please e-mail me (My Page) and we'll chat. I know how overwhelming it is at first, but once you push through this and get regulated with meds/diet, you'll have so much energy you'll feel like your old (in my case very old!) self. I'll look forward to hearing from you!
...See More
Paint not cured-it's been over a month!
Q
Comments (10)
Thanks for the replies. Well rooted: the vertical surfaces do seem to be just fine. I know I put one more coat on the top than I did on the legs, though. So, it's definitely thicker on the seat part. I guess I'll just wait it out. So far, it hasn't gotten much use so it hasn't been a problem. I'm just really concerned it will never cure. The only way to fix that would be to refinish the top again, right? :(
...See More
I forgot to pot up cutting; it's been sitting around for 3 months
Q
Comments (3)
Hi Ginny, I had some that sat around for 6 months and were starting to grow at the ends so I just potted them up and now they have leaves. So I would say don't re-cut and just pot them up and water once and then don't water again until they start getting leaves. You could mist them if the weather is really hot. Barb
...See More
lisamelvin
15 years ago
Hi Mark,

Always remember.....you are not alone. On this journey, you may be alone physically but never alone emotionally. Coming to this forum after loosing my mother in August 2008 made me see that there are other people on the exact same emotional plane I am on.

There is nothing anyone can say that will make you feel any better but the support and compassion you will find here may be your line to surviving. It was for me.

It has been 6 months since my Momma passed and things are more different than I could ever have imagined. Some days it is still a huge struggle. I can say that time eases the initial breathtaking pain but it also increases the longing. I have come to realize that grief is the emotional price I pay for loving my momma so much and so I have decided to try to embrace the grief. My tears are the only power I have to show the depth of my love for her and how her loss has devastated me.

I also lost my older brother in July 2006 to murder. I had not seen him for a few years and his loss affected me totally different than my mother's loss.

Every day is a struggle but I try to remind myself that she would like me to honor her and not waste my days so I have been trying my best.

Keep your chin up, remember they STILL love you and only try to get thru the moment.

I wish you the best :)

Blessings to you,

Lisa
marksf
Original Author
15 years ago
Thank you Lisa, and dd50 for your words of wisdom and encouragement. It does help to hear from people who are alittle farther along in their grief journey and finding the joy in their lives again. I think that's what God wants and expects from us to show our faith. Faith is something new to me also, and I must say I am trying to gain it and keep it strong.

Thanks Again and God Bless

Related Stories

SMALL HOMES 16 Smart Ideas for Small Homes From People Who’ve Been There

By Mitchell Parker

Got less than 1,000 square feet to work with? These design-savvy homeowners have ideas for you

KITCHEN DESIGN Trending Now: 25 Kitchen Photos Houzzers Can’t Get Enough Of

By Mitchell Parker

Use the kitchens that have been added to the most ideabooks in the last few months to inspire your dream project

ENTRYWAYS Trending Now: 20 Top New Entries to Welcome You Home

By Mitchell Parker

See the photos of entryways and foyers that have been getting the most saves to ideabooks lately. Have you saved one of them too?

FUN HOUZZ 14 Things You Need to Start Doing Now for Your Spouse’s Sake

By Mitchell Parker

You have no idea how annoying your habits at home can be. We’re here to tell you

KITCHEN DESIGN So Over Stainless in the Kitchen? 14 Reasons to Give In to Color

By Becky Harris

Colorful kitchen appliances are popular again, and now you've got more choices than ever. Which would you choose?

POOLS Trending Now: 20 Pools We Want to Dive Into

By Mitchell Parker

These dreamy backyard swimming spots are favorites with the Houzz community

EDIBLE GARDENS A Formerly Weedy Lot Now Brims With Edibles and Honeybees

By Mitchell Parker

Photographers transform their barren backyard into an oasis filled with fruit, vegetables, honey, eggs and more

HOUSEKEEPING All Together Now: Tackle Home Projects With a DIY Co-op

By Alison Hodgson

You're in good company when you pair up with a pal to clean, organize, repair and replace

EVENTS Happening Now: The Brimfield Antique Show

By Stacy Briscoe

Take a peek at the largest outdoor antiques show in the United States

HOME TECH Now Playing in Homes Everywhere: TV, the App

It's easier than ever to beam streaming content from mobile devices to your TV screen

Sponsored