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Need advise to help my sister

Posted by sydneypie (My Page) on
Sat, Jan 22, 05 at 17:38

My 22 year old neice died in a tragic car accident a week before Christmas. Everyone in my family has been affected, but no one more than my sister. Megan was her first child, and had a lot of problems at birth. She spent a lot of time the first year of her life in Vanderbilt's Children's Hospital. But she survived and lived a very short full life. Seems ironic to lose her in something so quick.
What can I do to help my sister????
What would you want your sister/friend to do for you???
Thanks for any advise.
Carolyn


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Need advise to help my sister

Sorry I can't spell. Advice!!! Lord my mine has not been the same since all of this.


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RE: Need advise to help my sister

Carolyn,
I am so sorry for the loss of your niece. Anytime to lose someone is tragic in itself, but around the holidays is even worse I would think. I lost my only son on Mother's Day 17 years ago.
The best thing I could suggest for you helping your sister, is to just listen. I lost many friendships over the years, simply because no one would listen, or even more, they would say "when are you going to be OVER this?!". From the years, I have learned that you never "get OVER" the grief of losing a child...you just learn to live WITH it. Just be there if you can for your sis'. Being there for someone doesn't always mean being physically at their side, but just offer what availability you can, drop her a card now & then, a phone call, whatever. You're already valuable to your sister....just by caring! Hugs...
Emma in PA


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RE: Need advise to help my sister

Make yourself a safe person for her to share her feelings. By that I mean call her, go to her. Ask her how she is, really. Be quiet and listen for her answers. Give her hugs and let her cry. Share your memories of your neice with her. Never say those awful things people tend to say when they don't know what to say--things like, It was for the best, I know how you feel, She's happy with God in heaven now, At least she didn't suffer.

My sister used to silently rub my back while I cried in her lap. That helped me a lot.


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RE: Need advise to help my sister

They have given you some good advice. My good friends wouldn't call they would just come over to see me, knowing that if they called I wouldn't have wanted them to come. I could see that they felt uncomfortable but they were there just to listen and to let me cry. Now is not the time to hand out instructions as what is expected. It is a time just to listen and let her know that whatever she says will not shock you and that even though you may not understand the depth of her grief you are available for her. And make sure you are there for the following weeks months and yes, years ahead. Those are the times when we need someone to talk to.

We lost our daughter to a car crash. It will be 2 years in March. We literally went from planning her wedding one day to planning her funeral the next. The grief really never goes away, it changes. Hard to explain but others will understand what I mean. Please email me at igglebopper@yahoo.com or give my address to your sister. Our daughter was 24 when she died. donna from wis.


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