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 o or discard? Help!

Posted by bowdoin514 (My Page) on
Thu, Jan 22, 09 at 15:31

Hi everyone,
Been a while since I posted here. Would like to ask anyone interested in responding. I am in the middle of moving to a very small home. I think I need to get rid of some items, mainly stuff that belonged to my only daughter, before she passed away 3 and a half years ago. I am having very much trouble in parting with ANYTHING that was is all I have left of her. Have any of you been in this type of situation? Regardless if it was a parent, sibling, grandparent, whomever. I also lost a son in infancy, 22 years ago. Erica was 18 yrs. old when she died along with her boyfriend in a car crash. I have no other children. God bless you ALL!
Emma in SC

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: or discard? Help!

I am sorry for both your losses. I don't really have any answers. Just wanted to let you know that I'm in the same (crowded) boat you are in. I have boxes and boxes of my brother's stuff. Sometimes I dig through it. It makes me feel closer to him. They are sitting in my computer room and look like piles of garbage. I was going to go through them on his birthday, and save a few special things and get rid of the rest, but I didn't.
Personally, I think you should save it until you are ready to get rid of it. Once its gone, its gone.
God bless you.

RE: or discard? Help!

Emma, I lost my son on Sep 4, 2008. I can't part with anything of his. I even have his bills. I agree with hamc...anything he had makes me feel closer to him.

If you can't part with your daughter's stuff, then don't.

RE: or discard? Help!

Dear Emma and Katyrose,

First, please accept my deepest sympathy on the losses of your children. I cannot even imagine the agony you have experienced. Hugs to you both for having the strength to go on.

I absolutely feel you should keep what you want to keep. It would be wrong to force yourselves to part with things before you are ready. It must be a tremendous comfort to you to have those things. You have both lost your children recently--even 3-1/2 years isn't long.

If it is absolutely necessary to part with some of your daughter's things, Emma, is there any possibility that some could be given away to family or friends who knew your daughter? If you have to donate items, give them to organizations which support a cause which your daughter might have liked--like donating books to a library, or to a thrift shop which supports your community (like maybe the hospital). If you donate, her things can mean something to someone else.

If you must part with things, like say clothing for example, keep a few of the favorite items.

I have found that old suitcases are wonderful places to keep things, or those boxes that slide under beds.

Heartfelt sympathy to you both,


RE: or discard? Help!

Keep it, and even if you're never ready to get rid of it, that's okay.

RE: or discard? Help!

I agree, keep it all until you are ready to get rid of it. If you do get rid of it now because of moving you will regret it for a lifetime.

Suggestion I have about clothing is take it to someone that can quilt and have quilts made from them to put on the beds or give to special friends or family members.

RE: or discard? Help!

I have stuffed animals that were my daughters when she with growing up. I have stuff of my father,uncle and grandparents. Our house is full and were trying to clean thing's out. Most of the stuff we're getting rid of are things that are ours not the loved ones stuff.

Bless you and Take care, Barb

RE: or discard? Help!

dear Emma
i am also sorry for your losses. i will have lost Al 2 years ago this feb. 22. as a joke he always said if we divorce, i get our brass bed (this is now in the attic of our garage) i also got all new bedroom stuff. Al was bedridden for 10 years at home, and he loved his sports, so our room was decorated in "sports stuff" you know those huge sports blankets, mugs, etc. i figured hey, if i had to spend all my time in here, i'd hate it to be just a bedroom, now that stuff is packed away in totes in the garage. His school was art, so i have all his drawings- i still can't look at them, and i have finally gotten rid of his clothing. but i still cannot look at photos and neither can our kids. there are sculptures that he madew that are still out, but there is still a ton of stuff to go through, and i don't know if i'll ever go through it.
on the other had, and to be rude here, when my sister-in-law bought over Al's mothers stuff, i threw it all out -- who in their right mind would give someone a half a package of straws, 5 chipped mugs - one of them was mommy's favourites, and opened food, she put in her letter of dispursement - we all had a chance to go to mommy's and pick out what we wanted. thank goodness when Al passed, they dropped up from their friends and family list.
Emma, you will know when that time comes, to go through those precious things, do not let anyone talk you into it, if it has to move 5 times, just do it, if you let someone talk you into it you'll be kicking yourself. go with your heart.

RE: or discard? Help!

I'm so sorry.

If you decide to pass some of the bulkier things along to someone else (furniture, clothes, shoes, band instruments, etc), you might take photos of them first;
that way, you can "keep" all her things together in the boxes & albums.

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