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Loss of my Boy

Posted by asencion (My Page) on
Tue, Jan 30, 07 at 4:35

On December 1st, 2006, a part of our lives died that morning. My son Dominick was 20 years old and he was ejected from a Bob Cat loader at a construction site. I remember getting that phone call from my Captain. He was not sure if it was my son, because he had yet been identified. He told me that it was a serious accident and they were taking him to the hospital. Describing the vehicle found nearby, I knew it was my Dominick. I had this knot in my stomach and I felt helpless. I was praying that it was not my baby. I arrived at the hospital and my captain and sgt. were both waiting for me outside the emergency entrance. The sgt. asked me if there were any identifying marks on Dominick and I described the tattoo on his back. He returned with watery eyes and I knew it was my baby. I remember saying, "no, not my Dominick." and our lives had changed forever. I had two tell my other children that their brother had passed. My oldest boy Cruz arrived and I told him that Dominick was gone and he screamed in denial. My sister, wife and two daughters dropped to their knees and weaped. It sounded like a nightmare and we could not wake up from it. I was allowed to go in and see my boy laying in the gurney. My eighteen years as a police officer I had always dreaded this very day. I held onto my boy and cried and asked why him. Dominick was born on Christmas Day and now Christmas will never be the same. He was to turn twenty one last Christmas and how excited he was for that day to come. He was very handsome, outgoing, athletic and a smile to die for. I miss him so much! All we can do is live one day at a time.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Loss of my Boy

asencion, my heart goes out to you. No parent should have to
go through this.
Now that it has happened to you please know that you are
not alone. This nightmare is one I had to go through back
years ago when I lost my middle son Jeffrey just before his
12th birthday. There are too many hurting parents that
have lost their children, too many.

You will go through many stages on your way to survival.
First, please find a support group or a grief councelor.
You'll need to talk about it and cry about it, be angry
about it so many emotions you will have to work through.
You will have to keep busy. Make yourself get up and get out
and do the things you do in the everyday business of living.

It will be the hardest thing you'll ever have to do but you
can do it. Just do it one day at a time and soon you can
get through the day without wanting to die because the pain
is too much to bear.
After awhile you can begin to laugh again and then as the
years go by, the pain lessens and you can find joy in living again.
You will always miss your precious son
but I can tell you now that eventually it will get better
and you can live again.

I pray that God will hold you close and comfort you in your
darkest hours.

There are some really good folks here on this forum and you
can always come here. So many here have lost children and
they will understand what you are feeling.

Jan


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RE: Loss of my Boy

There are no words to tell you how very sorry I am for your loss, I cannot imagine loosing a child, your grief must be so deep. Please know that I am sending love and condolences to you and all your family. Dominick is with our Lord Jesus who is taking great care of him and he will be standing there to greet you when the day comes that you go to be with him and Oh what a glorious reunion that will be, in the meantime keep his light shining bright for everyone to see what a wonderful person he was. May God Bless you and comfort you.


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RE: Loss of my Boy

My deepest condolences to you and your family. We lost our boy 3 1/2 years ago, and he died with his only child, our eldest granddaughter. We have had many, many dark and grief-filled days. My husband and I have leaned heavily upon each other...no one feels our grief like we each do. He has helped me through my bad days, and I have helped him through his. Life is not now nor never will be the same. We have learned to cope, however, and there are many things that bring us joy. It will get better, but I am so sorry for you and your family for there is no greater pain than to lose a child. Please keep us posted. We're here to listen.


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RE: Loss of my Boy

Jan, Mav63 and Sudiepav; thank you for your thoughts. It was nice reading your replies. It touched my heart and I had a good cry. Thanks for listening! I was telling one of my fellow officers about the responses and he encouraged me to continue to be part of the forum.


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RE: Loss of my Boy

I am very sorry for your loss. I have a son that turned 21 in September; I couldn't imagine losing him. I remember how excited my son was about the "big 21" and can imgine your son was the same.

After my dad died, I bought a rose in his memory called Unconditional Love. Looking at the rose search site, I see there is a rose called Loving son. Perhaps you'd like to do something like that?

Here is a link that might be useful: Loving son - rose


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RE: Loss of my Boy

I can't add too much to the wonderful posts above except to add my sorrow that you and your family have to go through this. I lost my beautiful 25-year-old daughter on Memorial Day, 2001. Her birthday was the day after Christmas.

We have to believe there is a reason behind these things, even though we can't imagine what it is.

You're rightChristmas will never be the same. But you will reach a point one day where you can gather together with your family and truly celebrate, each of you missing Dominick but remembering him with such great love.

Susan


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RE: Loss of my Boy

To each of you who has lost a loved one,please accept my deepest sympathy and prayers. I love this passage from


"A CANDLE IN THE WIND"

Loveliness we've lost;
these empty days without your smile.
This torch we'll always carry
for our nation's golden child.
And even though we try,
the truth brings us to tears;
all our words cannot express
the joy you brought us through the years.


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RE: Loss of my Boy

Asencion,

I am truly so sorry to read this. It is such a huge loss to be without your boy. I hope that you feel the love and comfort from those still around you, filling you with their goodness and thoughts they bring to you all.

We will not know why this side of the veil. It is not something that can easily be answered, nor understood. It is not something that we would choose to do, in leaving our loved ones. Especially it was too soon for him, just a babe still at 20.
Your held your dreams for your boy, he wanted to be 21 and you were a proud Mom. He still lives on in all your hearts and will never leave you.

I wanted to share this with you also.
First...
A verse from Helen Keller
"What we once enjoyed and deeply loved
We can never lose,
For all that we love deeply
Becomes a part of us."

I always find this gives me some comfort,
that we always will have a part of them with us.
Our memories of them and being there expressing
themselves in conversation with us.
--A tribute to those whom we have loved.
As I watched a Gulf Frittilary butterfly hatch and hold on to its shedded cocoon that it had just come out of, spread its wings, unbending them and gently for a time waving them to dry and get some strength going, after a time off it went to join the others eating on my purple 'Incense' passionflower vines. I had the
thought of how we all will go through such a transformation one day, and be set free in our new life, where we can fly just as the butterfly has done. This one was special, it hung just above my entrance to my patio door, so I saw it each day, after I witnessed the Caterpillar climbing the wall and settling there on the patio sliding door.
It stuck itself up in the hanging position and then quickly formed the chrysalis. I usually don't get to see the whole thing in action, but the thoughts quickly came to me of a rebirth and how I was touched by that.
I sometimes have the thoughts that it is just us here, who are yet left behind, that have the pain, but for those who are now transformed they feel so invigorated, they are so happy with their life from then on. If they could, I would think they would tell us not to worry, it will be alright.....
You will see in time.
Copyright 2007, Lucy Sampson
All the best,
Lucy


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