need help dealing with my husband's death
teaj
18 years ago
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Comments (26)
alisande
18 years agolulie___wayne
18 years agoRelated Discussions
sudden death of husband at 46 years of age
Comments (34)I'm so sorry. You'll never be the way you were, nor would you want to be; as you said, he was your true love, & he wouldn't want you to grieve & be miserable & not enjoy, relish, & revel in the life you still have on this earth with your/his children. You are a vibrant young mother with 2 dear children tethering you to this earth; your mission here is important & it won't be complete for many many years. Your precious sons are the next links in your beloved husband's chain of life, & you're the one who can nurture their connections to their roots, for their sakes & for the sakes of their children., Please take care of yourself, in every way. Eat right, don't drink, make sure you see people every day (isolation is an enemy). Grief is deep & dark, but depression is a physical malfunction that can be beaten. Get outside that house & get your heart pumping; oxygenated blood is the best medicine for...well, many things. I know you don't feel like jogging or playing tennis or swimming, because not wanting to do anything is a symptom of depression. Make yourself do it anyway. If you can't summon the strength, have someone call you every morning & tell you to get up & get dressed & get outside. I always managed to get up if I knew someone was on the way over to take me to jazzercise, etc, somebody who wouldn't be embarrassed to bang on the door & holler at me to get my @ss out there. & go to your doctor: this is the year 2014, & there are sophisticated medicines out there these days to help you. Enlist some help; go to your family, friends, neighbors, church family, people at work, people you meet in the grocery store (seriously, I've found that saying "what a beautiful hairdo!" or "is that the best peanut butter?" provides a tiny little spark of human contact that really helps you to keep putting one foot in front of the other). & this may sound off the wall, but do something for someone else: it lifts the spirits & affirms...something, I don't know what. I do know that researchers have discovered that giving makes people happier than getting, or as our grandmothers said, it really is 'more blessed to give than to receive'. I wish you the very best, including a long & satisfying life, filled with the memories whose pain will fade in time, leaving only a sweet joy....See MoreRecent death of my husband
Comments (5)I lost my dear hubby in 1985. Sept. 13 & this is the 1st year "I forgot" the day. It's been a long haul as we had a great marriage & he was only 48, I was 42 with our 2 teens to raise. Every year we were married was better than year before, we didn't argue like most people so we were very close. It does get better but it is not all uphill, you go through bad days & not quite so bad days. If you want to crawl under the covers it's OK for 1 day but don't let that get to be a habit. Holidays will be hard this year but do something different with grandkids, go to movie with them or make cookies,make popcorn & play checkers, something you haven't done before, will be less painful for you. I didn't go to a support group as I was afraid it might end up being a "pity party" ( me telling everyone about my pain or everyone telling me-I couldn't deal with that) I had so many things go wrong that when something good happened that was when I cried. I forgot how to spell 4-5 letter words like when, where ,there etc. Can't look up in dictionary as brain couldn't figure out whhhh or thhh sound. Felt so stupid, washing machine would be going & I would see what I was washing & it would be just water, hadn't added clothes. I locked myself out of car a number of times(finally got smart & put an extra set of car keys in my wallet.- ran out of gas & had to walk 2 blocks & ask attendant if I could borrow gas can $10 deposit-DD was dying of embarrassment & got on floor in backseat-15 yr olds don't deal well with running out of gas) solution-fill up when you see you have 1/4 tank of gas left. Lock yourself out of house or in garage & can't get back in house(great when you are in your nightgown), hid a key in a very secure place so you don't have to call a locksmith. My hubby wanted me to go on & remarry, I told him I didn't think I would, so we had talked about it. I never wanted to be with anyone else. I've got medical problem, can't handle AC get headaches & if weather changes or fire in hills, I'm down sick for 2-3 days. But for most people I think it is good to find someone to live out rest of your life with. Think about how your hubby would feel if he could see you -would he want you sad & falling apart? or would he tell you to take it day at a time & start looking for happiness. Take a class in Tole painting or gardening or something you are interested in, or volunteer at a soup kitchen or hospital gift shop or something. Makes you realize you are better off than so many others. Hope some of these ideas can help you out! Don't stop mentioning your hubby, he was part of your life for a long time! I only got 22 yrs with my love! But he filled me up(I was a lonely kid) & I'm not lonely now! I do look at older couple holding hands & wish for a second it was me. But I'm happy I have grandkids & DD nearby & parents & DS calls & visits yearly. So many have lost jobs & wonder where next meal is coming from. Count your blessings & I'm sure you will find they are many. Hugs& prayers that you find peace & comfort in the days ahead....See MoreHelping Mom Deal with death of husband
Comments (2)I am so sorry to hear that your dad passed away. I know what your mother is going through and you are grieving too. You don't say if you are living with your mom or if she is on her own. Yes, she will go through, what I called my Jekle and Hyde times. I live alone so I can't take it out on anyone else. You mom has to work through this herself because no one else can do it for her. If she hasn't gone for grief counselling that is a very good option, it helped me a lot. I mentioned above that you are also going through your own grief and maybe you could mention that to her very gently. I have been widowed for 4 years next month and I can tell you that it gets easier but it never goes away, you and your mom have to cope with it in your own way. Be there for her and ask her to be there for you. God Bless. Mav...See MoreHow to deal with Christmas without my husband
Comments (5)Sandy, I am truly sorry for your loss and Christmas will be hard but we have to get through it because this is not the only Christmas we will have on our own. My husband died on Nov. 23, 2006 and Christmas came up so quickly. Bob knew that Christmas is my favorite holdiay and I knew that he would want me to be happpy. It wasn't easy, but I put up my tree and put out a few of my decorations and, believe it or not it felt so warm and I truly believe he was enjoying it with me. Put up your tree and enjoy it with him then decide which of you children you will go to and do your best to have a good Christmas because Jer wants you to. Good Luck and God Bless you, life will get easier over the years, I promise....See Moreeleonora
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