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not alowed to see grandchild
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Posted by Randa (craftmom_9@yahoo.com) on Wed, Dec 19, 01 at 12:21
What can be said about a daughter that had a child out of wedlock not letting her mother see child, The couple lived with us until baby was 2 mo. My husband told boyfriend either get a job or move. He left daughter followed now we are not abel to see baby. Now this part makes it worse. She had baby before we reachewd hospital I had to help deliver.
I stayed at houspital changed first diapers ect.I fill this is partly my child.Haven't sean her for 3 mo. Can anyone sasy anything I can give daughter that might make her see the light. Thanks
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Follow-Up Postings:
RE: not alowed to see grandchild
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| It sounds like she is under the influence of the boy friend, but with patience she may wake up and realize that her parents have her best interest at heart. I would send Christmas card, and gifts and sort of put the ball in her court. Its sad when something like this happens in a family as the baby is the one who will ultimately pay the price for her mother's confusion or what ever is going on with her. Do you have a concern about the baby's welfare? Good luck to you. |
RE: not alowed to see grandchild
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| I think you need to calm down and wait. I have a hard time believeing you are just leaving her do what she wants and maybe you're being too bossy and over protective. I had my son out of wedlock(which really has nothing to do with what is going on here. You see it as an issue but you can still be good parents whether you're married or not) and went with the father who I am still with and our son is almost 3. I was an adult with my own family at that point and my Mom had a hard time realizing she had to leave me go and allow me to grow up. My Mom was in the delivery room when Shane was born and Jer was out on the phone making a call to tell my grandparents I was having the baby. My Mom should have been the one making the call, not Jer. He missed the birth of his son and still is upset about that to this day. We stayed with my Mom for two weeks and she basically took care of Shane. To her, she was a better parent than I could ever be. He wasn't ours. We left and then she was mean and hateful and threatened to have him taken from us because we were unfit parents. We weren't unfit, she was just saying all this and thought she had more rights to our son than we did. Sounds like you have the same problem. You may have helped care for the baby and deliver it, but it's not yours. It is your grandbaby, not your child and you don't have a right to tell your daughter when she has to bring the baby around and stuff like that. You can't force your daughter to come around. She will in her own time and trust me gulit trips and telling her what you think won't help. My Mom and I didn't talk or see much of each other for months. She eventually realized I was an adult and I was a good mother. She also accepted that Jer was a wonderful father and person. She treated him the same as my brother and I when out shopping for Christmas and he feels he's wanted and part of the family. Before he was treated differently and that made him not want to visit and that's why I stayed away, too. I loved Jer and I wasnt about to make him feel like he wasn't wanted. |
RE: not alowed to see grandchild
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| I fell like I'm in the same predictament. My GD and I love each other very,very much. She is almost seven and we have spent a great deal of time together during those years. In fact, I was the only one that my daughter was able to count on for just about anything. Let me add that my daughter is 28 yrs. old and my GD's father has visitation rights every other weekend. The father is a real low life and my daughter had to take him to court for child support. During that time I was the only one that was helping my daughter a great deal of the time financially with very little financial payback. My daughter told me I can not drink when I am babysitting my GD and I didn't, yet my daughter drinks around my GD. MY GD and I play a little game where I puff my cheeks with air and she taps or presses my cheeks to push out the air and she loves this little game. But my daughter forbids my GD to touch my face. I am not weak or too old or an invalent. MY daughter says she doesn't want my GD to touch anyones face and I say "But I'm grandpa". Yes it's true that half the times I don't put my GD to bed at the time my daughter wants me to put her to bed but I don't put her to sleep that often for it to be an issue. My daughter says to me my GD is not my child she is the mother and those are the rules. MY GD is seeing a therapist and my daughter told me that my GD has said she loves being with me and not with her mom because there are no rules with grandpa. This is not true, it's just that my GD finds it easier to live by my rules which are more just. Believe me, I am a GREAT grandfather. My daughter wants me to be a robot grandfather who has to live by her rules( do this,do this-don't do this,don't do this). I would never do anything to hurt my GD. I am so heart broken that I'm not allowed to see my GD unless I follow my daughter's unfair rules. |
RE: not alowed to see grandchild
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| Parents need to be respected. Even though you think your daughter has unfair rules--gulp it down real quick and it won't taste too bad. Besides, being with your grand is such a treat for you. Follow your daughter's rules and you'll all be happy. Your Grand also needs to see that you respect her mom's authority, etc. That is very important for your granddaughter and daughter! |
RE: not alowed to see grandchild
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| Randa & scrlppy my heart goes out to you both. The law is an amazing thing & maybe we need to work on that. I was a single mother for 5 years until I married again, my parents helped me & I always respected them & the help they gave me when I needed it. I didn't always agree with my mother nor did I appreciate her butting in all the time, but patience is a virtue. Now with my daughter being unwed & I raised my Granddaughter for most of her four & a half years, my (once) daughter has anger problems, (drug & alcohol problem but not according to her) now she is pulling this routine mainly because we couldn't afford to keep paying her $850. a month rent & her bills. (she does work, where is that money?) I think we did tooooo much for them. They are selfish & uncaring. They are not only hurting us but the children also. I'm through crying I've done everything I can now I'll have to wait & Pray. Just remember your grandchildren know you love them & believe it or not they will remember this. This will come back to haunt the so called parents. God Bless you both. |
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