I am a great grandma to an almost 6 year old boy. He is an only child, very intelligent, funny and imaginative. His mom and he are now living with her mom (my daughter) and her relatively new step dad.

My son in law has taken over the role of "parent" and it has become stressful. My granddaughter's parent role has been abrogated by him . He is over bearing, quite mean and acts as if he and this child are in a power struggle. He insists my great grandson is a "bad" boy who needs discipline - which seems to mean harsh, loud voice, mean facial expression, total inflexibility with "rules" , threats of being spanked, etc.

This man misunderstood something my great grandson was doing (all at my house for turkey soup). My great grandson was playing with a board game on the floor. This man would not let up on him: "Get those pieces out of the way; what if someone steps on them; move that board, etc." I suggested he bring it to the table as it had been cleared. I was told not to interfere.

A bit later, I asked my grandson if he would bring me the book that had slipped from a chair (knees don't work very well anymore). I was going to ask his mom if she wanted to take it home to finish the story I had been reading to my great grandson. Then - my step son started hollering at my great grandson - something like, "No, you will pick up the game you are playing with before you touch that book." I thought maybe he hadn't heard me ask my great grandson to bring me the book - the kid just stood there frozen so I went over to my son in law and told him that I had asked him to pick up the book - Well, then the hollering got meaner in tone and louder and the words something like, "You can pick up the book for your grandmother after you do as I say."

My daughter and granddaughter just stood there. My daughter said they should really be getting going. I was upset. I asked my son in law what was the problem with my great grandson (not in front of anyone) doing what I had asked and particularly as I had asked first. I was concerned that his (son in law) actions were sending some negative signals lack of respect for me. I was told - "In our house, the rules are that he must pick up what is he playing with before going onto starting another game." OK, fine but I said that wasn't the case here. He wasn't going to get a book for himself; he was just doing something I asked. This man then threw his hands up in the air and stormed out.

I have now been advised, via email, that I had no right to correct him, that what I did was unspeakable...... that I am domineering, uptight (has to do with removing muddy or wet boots before walking on floor and rug and not sitting on sofa with dirty clothes - I do provide a chair or a towel....). It seems I don't know my place, that I constantly interfere - used the example of my suggesting the game be brought to the table. And said on Thanksgiving, I demolished authority when I called my great grandson into the kitchen. He wanted to help and I told him as soon as his uncle (small kitchen) gets done with what he was doing, he could help me put butter in small bowls and such. I did not know my granddaughter had told him he has to sit on the sofa because he did not listen to her form something. I said something like, "darn, I promised him he could help . Before I could gone on to "OK, he can help when his time up is up, my granddaughter said it was OK to help Grandma - as she promised you - but if you don't listen to me again today, you will sit on the sofa twice as long. Now, my son in law says I encourage my great grandson to disobey because he knows Grandma has to have her way and that to her, her way is the only way.

Lots more. Seems I do not help enough (have given all the money and food I can; he quit a job he didn't like) and is not working full time. I was told that his mom would not have criticized him but with not much money would still find him a job and give him money.. (but doesn't??) More but this just has me sick. I worry about my great grandson. This man talks to him as if he was a potential monster who needs to be stopped in the bud!. Talk about walking on egg shells. I am afraid to say anything out of fear he will misconstrue what I mean. This man said as my great grandson is in his house, he is the caretaker and I have no right to interfere with them. I don't want to interfere, I don't want to cause friction but I am just at a loss.