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Grandparent raising Grandchildren

Posted by
LYNNE
(LMS9695@AOL.COM) on
Tue, Dec 26, 00 at 11:46

Can anyone tell me if there is a support group or any way to get some help or advice--or just someone in the same stuation to talk to?.....................Lynne


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Grandparent raising Grandchildren

We are raising grandchildren. Jessica is 11 and Adam is 10. We have had custody of them since they were 6 & 24 months old. We also have our youngest(28) daughter living with us who has a 4 year old (Nicholas) and another baby due in May. It's hard but, the lord helps us through. Feel free to E-Mail me.


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RE: Grandparent raising Grandchildren

I know what you mean, I have my 28 year old daughter and her 3 children (10, 5, and 4) just moved in with me and now my 24 year old daughter is talking about moving in by July with her 5 year old. I think I can understand.


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RE: Grandparent raising Grandchildren

Lynne, Check out AARP.com. There are many grandparents raising grandchildren. There is not only a good support group but also help there to give you advise on legal, medical etc information. The Lord must think you are very special to give this job to you.. How lucky your grandchildren are that you are there for them. God bless and just love them alot.


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RE: Grandparent raising Grandchildren

i AM RAISING MY GRANDAUGHTER SINCE SHE WAS 3 MOTHS OLD,SHE WILL BE 3 IN APRIL. tOLD MY DAUGHTER i WOULD IF SHE COULDNT NEVER THOUGHT SHEDTAKE ME UP ON IT. i WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM OTHER SINGLE NANAS,I AM IN MY 40S. sUCH A JOY AND BLESSING SHE IS BUT I WORRY SO MUCH ESPECIALLY NOW MY DAUGHTER IS MARRIED AND HAS A 4 MONTH OLD AND BEING A GREAT MOM. wHAT WILL MY THIS CHILD THINK AND REACT WHEN SHE IS OLDER. SHE IS MY HEART I LOVE HER SO!


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RE: Grandparent raising Grandchildren

Hi!! I am so glad to find a place that sounds more positive, Thanks for letting me realize I am not the only one!!!...I am 44 and so is my husband....Gee, you cannot believe how much negative feedback I get from my freinds and family, because I am raising my grandson, Colton,17 months now...I was there at his birth and he has been in my home since day one...Me and Steve are his parents, although we technically are his grandparents. I have 3 other grand children living nearby and all 4 are a precious as can be(but my son and his wife have a loving nuturing home for thier boys)...I feel good about making the decision to quit my job to raise Colton...but boy, I sure hear some rude comments....Colton deserves a loving and giving home, and my daughter with her party life does not want to/or will not be a parent. She comes by periodically as i do want Colton to know her but we are the parents and I am proud to be this roll,,,is that so bad??? I live in a small town and it's not a common thing here. Thanks for listening!!


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RE: Grandparent raising Grandchildren

Hello, I can,t beleve you all exist. I have twin g.daughters but one has cerebral palsy.Very mild case but is delayed. They are 10 and have been thrown into walls etc. and sexually abused. Our son terminated his rights rather than appear incourt. The mother didn't appear in court but we expected that as she gave 5 other girls away previously by 5 duff. fathers. The judge said it was the worst case he ever saw but still gave them visitation rights only if they would each seperatly see diff phyciatrists for 6 months but they didn't want to do it. I miss my son so much but hate what he (and his ex wifes boyfriends did when he was at work) did to them. We got them when theywere 1 and a half yrs old. Lots of school issues with the child with c.p. because even though the law says they must have inclusion (be included) in the class room the school kept fighting us. We won all our cases aginst the school on paper but then they would pull a new one. We finally moved down here to Fl. ad the school here wasn't right for them and homeshool is legal and easy I teach them at home. I am so happy with our decision. Instead of them getting off the bus running in the door dropping their book bag want food and t.v and then fighting us later about how much homework they had todo our family is now so close it's miraculous. I have fibromialgia and am a manic depressive who has been on lithium for a long time and things are great. Sorry to gab so much for the first time and all. If anyone wants to write please do. I am 51 and my hubby 53


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RE: Grandparent raising Grandchildren

I am just so glad to see you all responding. It seems that no one ever reads this forum. I've waited awhile. Maybe we can keep it going.I put the first post on here, but I have changed my SN since then.Nice to hear from you. I think we all need someone to talk to.feel free to e-mail me.I can use all the help I can get(LOL)


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RE: Grandparent raising Grandchildren

I HAVE POSTED HERE BEFORE BUT IT HAS BEEN A LONG WHILE. MY GRANDSON WILL BE 6 IN JUNE AND I HAVE HAD HIM BASICALLY SINCE HE WAS BORN. I WAS IN DELIVERY ROOM AND EVEN GOT TO HOLD HIM BEFORE MY DAUGHTER. MY DAUGHTER AND I WENT TO COURT FOR ME TO GET LEGAL CUSTODY WHEN HE WAS 1 1/2. I CAN'T SAY IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN EASY AND AT ONE TIME I FELT I WAS NOT DOING THE PROPER THING. BUT GOD AND TIME DOES WONDER.
NOW WHEN HIS MOM ONCE IN A WHILE TALKS ABOUT GETTING CUSTODY BACK, I AM WILLING TO FIGHT TO KEEP HIM. HE IS DEFINITLEY PART OF MY LIFE AND I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW WHAT LIFE WOULD BE LIKE HIM WITH HIM NOT LIVING HERE. HE DOES GO SPEND THE WEEKEND ONCE IN A WHILE WITH HIM MOM, THAT IS ENOUGH OF A BREAK. BUT I AM READY FOR HIM TO COME BACK BEFORE THE WEEKEND IS UP.
I THINK WE SHOULD ALL BE GRANDPARENTS RAISING OUR OWN KIDS. WOULDN'T THAT BE A TRICK!! I FEEL I AM A BETTER PARENT NOW THAN I WAS RAISING MY OWN.


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RE: Grandparent raising Grandchildren

Hello,
My situation is almost the same. Only my daughter lives with me. And---she will have a baby girl soon. I saw my grandson being born and I was the first for everything-even feeding him the first bottle. His temp was low, so I was the one who hwld him for hours till it went up. For some reason my daughter kept telling the nurses to give him to me.So I just stayed at the hospital, and brought them home. She hasn't changed much. I do everything. It's to the point that I worry if he is with her at all. She has no patience and she is soooooo immature. My little sweetie boy just turned one last week.He's my life.I could brag for days! I thought it was that post-partum depression thing-----but a year? Everyone at the hospital teased me for never letting my daughter hold the baby. I just laughed with them, but they didn't know what was going on. I've talked too much---I'm going now.


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RE: Grandparent raising Grandchildren

Nancy, your post really bothered me. You made it sound as if you were keeping your grandson away from his mother on purpose...for selfish reasons. Please keep in mind that your daughter gave him life and he needs to know her. How would you feel if the tables were turned and your mother kept your daughter away from you. I can't think that you have your grandson's best interest in mind...I don't think a court would either.


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RE: Grandparent raising Grandchildren

I am also a gramma who is raising grandchildren. They are 12 years and almost 11 years old and they are great kids. They were also abused, molested but they are now doing great. They almost never see their parents. The parents are not together. They each have only supervised visitation.I have had them for 3 1/2 years now. They have lots of problems too. I am 100% disabled but we manage just fine. I feel bitter sometimes about losing my free life but God sees me through.


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RE: Grandparent raising Grandchildren

Does anyone know about the "Child-only" grants available to us who are raising our grandchildren without any support?


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RE: Grandparent raising Grandchildren

Some of these posts are distressing to say the least! I don't exactly know why I'm on this forum because I'm at least (oh I hope) 15 years away from being a grandparent, but I am just horrified by some of the parents these children have! I could never walk away from my children, even if it was my mother/mother-in-law I was leaving them with. You all sound like very wonderful grandparents, and your grandchildren are very lucky to have you! What on earth keeps you all from just slapping the parents?! My mother wouldn't hesitate!


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RE: Grandparent raising Grandchildren

I'm the grandmother of nine, trying to help my son raise his four. It can be pretty tiring, but it isn't the g'kids fault that they're in the situation they're in.

My son is a good dad and has to work hard to provide for his family. He's been a truck driver for all his adult working life so he can't be here every night or for every event at school. He very seldom misses being home to take the kids to church on Sunday.

This winter when the flu was going round and round through the family he took a couple of days off so he could be here to hold their heads when they threw up and clean up the mess if they didn't make it to the bathroom in time.

I can't tell you how proud I am of my son. The kids are doing well in school since they've been with him. They've gone from C's and D's to A's and B's. We didn't know my oldest g'daughter was pregnant when he got the kids back from their mother. (Mom decided maybe he could do a better job raising them than she could. Meaning she'd rather party.) My g'daughter had the baby, allowed my younger son and DIL to adopt him and has managed to maintain a 3.999 GPA in school.

Living with my son and his children isn't what I expected to be doing at this point in my life. As I said earlier, it isn't the kids' fault and my son is really trying hard to see that they have a stable home after 3 years of being dragged from place to place by their mom. I don't see how I could _not_ help out. (BTW, the kids are 6, 12, 14, and 16. All girls except for the 14 year old.)

We all have a good relationship. I try to deal with them with love and a sense of humor. Sometimes I do or say wacky things to get their attention and cooperation. So far it's worked pretty well. If it doesn't, then I have to be firm and let them know who's in charge. That doesn't happen too often. :-)

To all grandparents who are raising grandchildren... I know it's sometimes a burden, but also a blessing. It may not be an ocean cruise, but it's a voyage on the sea of life. It will have unbelieveable future rewards. If there are those who don't understand... it's their problem and their loss. Thank you for seeing that your g'children have love in their lives.


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Grandparent Raising Grandchild

Hi to all,
God Bless you. I hope I have the faith and courage you all do when the time comes.

I have been lerking in the shadows for weeks now. Reading and hoping to see the magical answer to the question our 21 year old daughter threw at us last month.

Our 3rd grandchild (second grandson)will be born in Septmenber. She has decided she doesn't want to raise him after he is born. She has had a tough life for a young adult. Cervical cancer was discovered the week before her 18th birthday. She has had several surgeries to remove the cancerous cells and has very little cervix left. They said sh'e never get pregnant (other female problems too) and if she did she'd never carry till term.

She is determined to have a healthy baby boy, but doesn't feel she's ready to raise him and wants her father and I to take him immediately after he is born and raise as our son. A million warning lights flash in my head.

1) We are too old 43 and 44. 2) Our youngest child of 5 is 16 and very active in school and will go on to college in three years. We'll then have an empty nest and were looking forward to it. 3) Our oldest two are raising their children. 4) We like being grandparents. Can send the kids back when we get too tired. 5) What if she changes her mind after she grows up and wants him back? 6) I just got a wonderful new job last July. Don't know about raising a child and working full time.

Adoption by a non-relative is out of the question. My youngest brother and SIL have not been able to conceve and are finally after 3 years getting their baby boy from Guatamola in August or September. My older brother and SIL had "help" conceiving and have two beautiful little girls. Our family is very close and I am unsure of what the opionion of others would be if daughter gave baby up. I haven't even begun to think of what my mother would say.

I know I am rambling. I'm just so glad to have somewhere to bounce my fears and ideas off of. My husband is very supportive and will do what ever needs to done for the good of our grandson.

P.S. Daughter just moved to Florida. We live in Michigan. Would love to hear from you all on how to prepare for this lifestyle change.

Take Care.


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RE: Grandparent raising Grandchildren

First 44 & 45 are not old at all. Many new parents are your age. My daughter's husband was 43 when she delivered their son, my first wonderful grandson. She is 10 years younger. Why don't you offer to help her with the baby when he arrives. Miracles do happen; hopefully, she will fall in love with this new baby and your concerns will be over. If she is steadfast in her decision for you to take him--do it. You will not regret it!! I am much older "than you--60, and I am activein my career, but if either of my daughters need me to be "mom" tomorrow--I'll do it. My husband would agree, as these little ones are our hearts and we could never let them go to anyone else. Good luck in making your decision.


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RE: Grandparent raising Grandchildren

We have had our granddaughter (my step-granddaughter) for 4 years now. We originally had our grandson, too, but that's another story with a good ending. I was 58 when they came to live with us. It has not been easy because she is ADHD which is a complete set of problems in itself. Also, she was the oldest of four and they were left on their own most of the time. She was eight when she came to us and had been her own boss and the other three kids "mother." They had no discipline at all and she is still adjusting to having to "toe the line." Her mother is my step-daughter and I would have slapped her, and did a couple of times about other things, about the kids. My husband is a good person but he did not discipline her and felt quilty about the divorce even though is was not his fault (her mother is wacky and, again, that is another story.) It has been a hard four year but I can't imagine not having her live with us. Some how we will make it. Oh, by the way, I don't have kids of my own.


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RE: Grandparent raising Grandchildren

I guess you can say we are raising our grandchildren. They have been living with us for a year now along with their Mother who has many problems. She lives in a fantasy world and is a chronic liar. She is my 28-year old daughter and needs counseling desperately but refuses to accept there is anything wrong with her. It is so hard on my husband and me to live with her. She has been giving us problems since she was 14. The latest of which she has struck up a relationship with someone overseas over the internet. She even went out and brought herself a ring and said he had come into town and gave it to her. She even told me that this guy was my first grandchild's real father. Now this past Friday, I find out all this to be a lie. Why am I surprised? That is what amazes me. Why am I surprised? I love my grandchildren and am now worried that the oldest will become like her. He is already a sensitive emotional child. I love him dearly and it would kill me to see him grow up like that.

Any help from someone going through the same would be greatly appreciated.


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RE: Grandparent raising Grandchildren

I am raising my grandson also. I was there when he was born, at that I got to clamp and cut his ambilcol cord. My daughter was only 16 at the time if his birth. So I have had him on since he was about 3 weeks old. He is now 5.
when he was 2 years old I got legal guardianship of him. She has recently moved in with us again. He is starting to pick up her lying. She very rarely spends time with him. When she takes him to the park its so she can spend some time with her friends. Right now she is trying to get into Job Corp. I hope she makes it. I am divorced so I am doing this on my own. It gets hard at times. As much as I would miss my grandson, if my daughter would really get her life together I would love to see them together. Some times my grandson calls me his Mom, some days he calls me Dad, I never thought I would hear those words.lol But most of the time he calls me Grandma. I love those words. I have 2 granddaughters but never get to see them.
Stevi


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RE: Grandparent raising Grandchildren

Kay, your daughter's problems sound very similar to those of my grandson's Mom. We have grandson, and our son is with us too. The Mom is so off the wall, it is incredible. When someone asked her how the baby was, she said he was dead, and we got condolence calls! The next day she told someone else that she had full cusody. Our situation is probably better than yours as she does not see the baby. We are doing everything by the book legally and are determined that our little guy will have a stable family situation. I am amazed that there are so many stories out there - we thought we were kind of unique! Good luck to you all.


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RE: Grandparent raising Grandchildren

I put my story on before and now have more to add.
My sons adopted daughter was a physically abused child when she was adopted.
She is married and 2 years ago she had a baby. Didn't even know she was pregnant. The baby weighed 2lbs and 2 oz, The baby was taken from her. She loves her baby and would like to have her but can't mentally take care of her.
My son 56 and his wife have been trying to get her and should know in another week. The baby will be well taken care of as he has a good job and nice home.
Our concern is that the LOrd knows best


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RE: Grandparent raising Grandchildren

hi all those grandparents who take over there grandchilds life need help.WHY i feel my mum may as well have given birth to him.my son is 10 he sees my mum as his mum in his world i don't exist my mum even took me to court has the situation got to much i stopped her seeing him.she has 6 other grandchildren in her world they don't exist the court sorted it out that she sees him holidays but to her it was'nt enough the situation has'nt changed its got to the stage i told her she can have him i just hope that when he gets older he realises what shes like he has another grandparent she's great leaves us to get on with our lives but is there if we need help sorry for going on but im so angry grandparents should only look after grandchildren are in danger or need help which im not i have my other 3 living with me and my husband


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