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an123_gw

relationship advice needed - feel like I'm losing my mom

an123
13 years ago

Since the birth of my daughter my relationship with my mom has become extremely strained. My mom often says that she can't see or hear anyone else when my daughter is around. She also says that everyone else pales in comparison and her granddaughter is her reason for living. When we get together all of her attention is placed on my daughter. I try to start a conversation with her and she usually doesn't even acknowledge me and if she does I get a very short, one-word answer. My brother refuses to get together with us and my parents together anymore, because he can't stand it. I have tried talking to her about it for the past 2.5 years and it is only getting worse.


My mom also gets extremely upset when my husband or I make requests for my daughter's care. For ex., my mom is a hoarder and our daughter has only been able to go to my parent's house once when my mom did a lot of work for company. Both she and my dad have been in agreement that their home is not a safe place for a child. She knows my husband and I feel the same way. Yet, one day when she was watching my daughter for us, she took her over there. It was not for long, but we all know how fast a toddler can get into things and she knows we don't want her over there. When we found out, I told my mom how much it upset me. She says that she is the grandmother and should be able to take her anywhere she wants without our consent.

I'm at my wits end here. I am losing so much trust in my mom when she makes comments like this, allows my daughter to break our rules (safety related, like playing on stairs, etc.) and then tells me we don't have the right to restrict her. On top of that, I am pregnant with our 2nd child and dealing with a serious pregnancy complication. My mom does not ask me how I am feeling or show any sense of compassion or care towards me anymore. When I showed her our ultrasound pictures she told my daughter: "Oh, you are soooo much cuter than that baby."

She seems like she cannot get past the anger for my husband's and my "rules" and how they restrict her. I have tried so many times to talk to her and am desperate for advice. She thinks she is doing nothing wrong and gets mad at me for bringing it up. I even tried going to a therapist with her and therapist said she needed to work with my mom before she could help us. How do I get my mom to care about our relationship and understand the need for my husband and I to make requests for our child's care? Thanks!

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