My 36 yr old daughter seems to be quite strange. She is married to
one guy she hasn't talked to in months, living with the father of her
son but this man is leaving the state to live with his brother after being here a month. Daughters sole
income is
Ebay. I won't even get into what these 2 guys are like;suffice to say:
losers. Anyway, her house looks like the Salvation Army thrift store.
She has second hand shoes (to sell, eventually)lining the walls of one
whole room. In the closet are 3 shelves lined with shoes (some of
these shoes she will quadruple her money in, some are disgusting).
She collects silly one inch "things" she buys incessantly from garage sales
for a quarter and has them everywhere. Her FLOOR is her hamper;
she has always had big piles of dirty clothes on the floor (I bought her
her first hamper; we'll see if she uses it). She allows her 3 yr old to
litter their yard with toys.
On her deck is a dirty,cracking kiddie pool still inflated and misc junk. She collects
blankets; I gave in and bought her a down comforter for her birthday
to add to her collection. The end result of all this is: she can't find
things so lets her son go barefoot often (I bought him seven pairs of
nice shoes this year). Since she can't find his shoes often she simply
buys more at garage sales. Her son never had a crib; well, one was
given to him but she kept him on the floor on blankets.
He has at least 150 cars/trucks to play with.
His closet has HER clothes hanging up (only about 8 things that I
hung in there). There is plenty of space for more to be hung. She has
2 outbuildings packed with more clothes and toys. She is personally
very clean and attractive; she lets her son choose what he wants to
wear (he's starting to run the house at 3)so often his thrift store pants
are falling off of him. She doesn't have a "real" job; my husband
bought a house and is letting them live in it and she bought an old
heap w/her income tax return $$ (more spent on repairs than it's worth).
The worst thing that has happened is that her son needed six root
canals and crowns which I paid for and one extraction since he "runs
away when the penicillin is approaching." What is this problem? I'm messy too but her place is an embarrassment. And she's buying more clothes, shoes, junk six days a week.
thanks. binkie

It is true that in some cases, extreme messiness and 'pack-rat-ism' can be a symptom of a type of mental illness. Have you talked this over with anyone who has professional knowlege and who might be able to offer some concrete advice? You might want to ask your dr. or clergyman if they think this gal needs some medical or counselling help--and get their suggestions on how best to approach her about the problem.

Messy is one thing (my house often is a bit out of place, too), but from what I'm reading, I'm worried about whether or not this is a safe, healthy environment for a small child. Not bothering to keep track of and use his shoes sounds a bit unsafe for one thing. Good luck--he's lucky to have someone who cares enough to look out for him.

Thank you. From what I understand, the Law says you must provide food, clothing and shelter for children. yes; she does this. Always has. But there are HUNDREDS of gray areas;
circumstances that No One has ever addressed to me on the internet. For example: she has a friend whose daughter is clean and fed and her mother is successful. But she has to start counseling since the mother CONSTANTLY leaves her with babysitters and always has. We don't know what the child is doing but the mother assured my DD that her DD is going to begin counseling. Mom is also promiscuous. BUT, she does have food, clothing and shelter.
My DD has left my grandson with a sitter (her friend)twice. Other than that, I am the only person who has ever babysat for him. Where she goes, he goes. Therefore, I have always felt he was "safe."
Two years ago I had reason to call Protective Services.
They brought Policemen with them and took the child to a hospital. Result? Tooth decay. I've taken care of that.
So I guess you could say his teeth aren't safe. Three mos ago I took him to a pediatrician. Result? Perfect health,
mentally advanced.
He is, as we speak, asleep on his bed probably with a dirty face. In a big house next to a National Forest with his parents, in bed w/a dirty face. She is going to cook BBQ in a hole in the backyard lined with rocks.
What I'm saying is: different people and different societies have varying ideas about how kids should be raised. It's not a cut and dried issue. He has slept in bed with my DD since birth. Normal in the USA? It's unusual; depends on which doctor you're talking to. In other cultures it's considered cruel to put them in a separate room.
So, the bottom line is: IMO, he's quite safe in quite a mess. thanks, binkie

You do have reasons to be concerned. If your daughter always been a collector maybe it just looks junky because she keeps adding things.

Maybe you should back off in getting her things, this may be enabling her to depend on you for the real stuff, namely the repair of the child's teeth, new comforter. Or did you do this for your on peace of mind. (not the dentist visit) the comforter?

Would she be receptive to getting counseling? and if the dad does not pay, she just might have to move on enforcing the court order, unless you will be taking care of the child, and if you are, this will allow her to continue her unique lifestyle.

He's lucky to have someone who cares like you do--unfortunately, it doesn't sound like his mother is carrying her responsibilities too well.

Marie, she had ONE complaint to social services and
BANG--family still intact. Even the POLICE came WITH social services and yanked him to the hospital and THEY give him a clean bill of health. This kid is never sick.
No; she doesn't buy stuff because she's in control now.
She partly does it because she has a BUSINESS of buying things for a dollar and selling them for $55. Does it all the time. Designer clothes and accessories. But I don't see how she could feel "in control" now. In fact, I'm not sure what you meant. I don't think even most Real adults feel in control in this day and age.
Does she expect me to buy her things? Hardly; I rarely do it. So she is happy when I do. Far as his teeth are concerned, I do not know why he wasn't reported but I suspect it's because the dentist would be on the phone making reports eight hrs a day and be out of a job if he did. Why? Because he's a pediatric dentist; he makes his living fixing childrens' teeth even to the point of taking some to the hospital to be put to sleep where he can crown the entire mouth. binkie

May God Bless all these helpless, innocent children.
...Brenda

My niece is five, and has had four surgeries on her mouth. She brushes her teeth every day, the dentist said the damage was done before there was even enough tooth to brush. Brushing after every meal helps prevent NEW cavities, but the damage is already there.

A dentist may choose to put a crown on a baby tooth if he feels extraction would cause the teeth to move (and cause problems later on), if the tooth is "important" at that stage (used for chewing etc.), or the tooth underneath is not near ready to emerge (which would leave the gaping hole for too long).

It is also not unusual to pay special charges when dealing with a specialty dentist. Dsis pays almost 40 dollars more than I would at a dentist, because of the special attention the kids get, the hours the office is open, and handling of emergency visits.