A long time ago, I used to live where it is warm. I was born in south Georgia and lived there until I was a teenager. Then my parents decided on a radically different lifestyle of living off the land, up in the woods of New Hampshire. What a lifechanging, eyeopening experience that was, to be at that critical age and having to bathe in the brook and use an outhouse because we had no plumbing. And 36 yrs. later I am still not acclimated to the cold winters! We cleared the land, put in gardens, berry bushes and fruit trees and raised livestock, and were quite self-sufficient. I was quite the lonely teen and spent most of my 'rebellious' years gardening. Plants and animals just naturally became my solace, and as I went off on my own and got married I set out to transform my little acre of woods here into my personal paradise. My yard is still where I seek solace and peace. It is tough growing roses up here in zone 4, and contending with the short summers, japanese beetles and soil that is thick with granite rocks, but I can grow gallicas, albas and all those favorites of mine that I once coveted in the pages of glossy books. I doubt I will ever move from here, even though its so cold. We have the mountains, the lakes, the purest crystal clear brooks, and fall foliage that dazzles. Besides, I could never leave here without my beloved roses....and who wants to dig up close to 400 rosebushes? Celeste

We were in much the same boat. We opted for mid-grade windows as an upgrade, an ICF basement which was an upgrade, installing the footings for our future deck now (when it's easier and cheaper, even though it wasn't in the initial build budget), upgraded flooring in the main space (bc it had better longevity), upgraded cabinetry, countertops. The front door. Sprayfoam insulation. The shower (steam shower) and bathtub because I'm pretty sure we'll have to use a chainsaw to get them out of there (tub is a 5'x6' 2-person jacuzzi...you can imagine). The kitchen sink was also an upgrade (pain to reinstall with the granite counters), along with the stove top (my man is an amazing cook and well...kinda deserved the spoiling since he makes dinner). In-floor heat because my old job involved showering 8 times a day in cold rooms, and I deserve to be warm after a shower. Sound proofing and insulation because again, it would be expensive to do later. We skimped on bathroom cabinetry because it's easy to replace and remembering my parents' house, it takes a ton of abuse from kids (which someday hopefully not too far in the future will occupy the space). Likewise bedroom flooring, light fixtures (did a ton of online shopping to get cheap but attractive, not a million hideous "boob" lights flushmounted everywhere). Toilets I bought $80 low flush ones with $10 seats because I really don't care about the 5 minutes I spend there a day). Fridge and stove I bought good, attractive appliances at discounted prices. They'll break in 5 years even if I bought more expensive ones. Door handles, trim, the drybar because it's easy to replace later. Same for the pantry cabinets which are currently shelves. Closet organizers because I want to spend time designing something cool.

I appreciate the comments from everyone and your opinions based on limited information. As for the not communicating with BM. This woman does not have civil conversations. I can only think of two occasions where DH didn't go in circles with her until he had to hang up the phone - which is why most of the communication is handled via e-mail. The judge gave him primary custody and the ability to have the final say which says alot when everyone knew he was not the biological father. The school at one point said my ss was brainwashed by his BM and that is part of the court record. They actually expressed concern for her wellbeing because she was not acting like herself. Needless to say, she only gets him wed nights and every other weekend. DH has him the rest of the time. DH has been the parent and I support him, but my SS is at our home more than at her home. That was the court's decision, not mine. If she wants to be a part of his life when he is with us, she needs to step up and communicate with DH- she doesn't. I do not 'parent' the child in the typical sense. I do not make the ultimate decisions on the big things and in regard to talking to the instructor-well, I did try to talk to her civilly after SHE APPROACHED ME. I was sitting by my husband and minding my own business. I explained what happened to her, guess what, SHE DIDN"T WANT TO HEAR IT. Which is the only reason I pointed at my husband. She kept telling me I needed to discuss it with her....no I don't. I only need to discuss it with my husband. DH needs to discuss it with her. If she would have acted civilly, I would have tried to talk more with her...she wasn't there to do that. She was there to put me in my place and she was there for a fight. Have you ever seen someone in that fight or flight syndrome. I have- she had the look for fight and the stance. All I did was answer her questions in a calm voice even though I was blindsided by her daggers. I never called her a name, never raised my voice, never left my seat. When she was getting out of hand, I deferred to the person who had to deal with her for 10 years. Seemed like a pretty good idea to let someone who knows her, deal with her. Even her mother will tell you she was looking for a fight- not to have a civil conversation. Maybe one day we can talk civilly, but she never did with the step mother for her two older daughters. The daughters that refuse to talk to her except when forced to in counseling. Then she yells at them in the counseling sessions. My husband is the one ordered to deal with her, not me. So at this point, I refuse unless she is acting civilly. And I don't see that happening any time soon. And if you think we can talk in e-mails - think again. I've see the e-mails she sends to people. They are equally uncivil and mean. I do not take that at home, I will not take that from her. As for warning her about the police and order of protection- she cornered her own mother in the courthouse-with her son there- grabbed her by the arm and I had to call a bailiff to get her away. It took three of them to escort her back to the courtroom and she was still yelling back at her mother. She has told my ss she is going to commit suicide and told him she already tried once. Her husband refers to her as a suicidal b____. When someone has already show aggressive tendencies and when someone is suicidal- nobody can predict what they will do. She has also called my work before trying to get me in trouble and I warned them about this weekend also because she is just crazy enough to call and try something. I asked them to let me know so I can document the behavior if it happen- AGAIN! For those who think I'm wanting to be the parent of my SS- I try very hard not to overstep that boundary. My DH and I are constantly reminding him to call his mom or when he thinks we'll be upset about his talking about her, we assure him we won't and let him talk without reproach. We all know who the mom is except mom. And if she really had an issue with this outside of wanting to start fights with me- she should take her own son to the dentist instead of scheduling the appointment on DH's time knowing DH can't take him, she won't take him and I'm the one who will take him. She was pushing her parenting off to me...I can't really say-no, I'm not taking him to the dentist because my ss's tooth is hurting. He had a cavity because both biological parents were doing some poor parenting by not taking a cavity prone kid to the dentist in over two years. She didn't want to pay, and still hasn't paid her half, but I stepped up and took him and paid. Nobody on this forum has been in my shoes and can know about what is happening and I don't like this feeling of having defend ever small little thing when all I really wanted was a vent. I did nothing wrong. I don't want to communicate with an uncivil, emotionally unstable person. A person who has shown aggressive and self destructive tendencies. Maybe if she gets some therapy and shows some improvement in her interpersonal skills. Who knows, but now-no way will I take the risk of her verbal or potential physical abuse. By the way, where I live, her using profanity in that setting, is a crime and is punishable in the municipal courts. Now, I'm going to have to stop writing on this forum. This means of communication doesn't really work for me. I have found a support group locally and think the face to face- real conversations will be more beneficial. This picking a line and seeing how it can be disected and destroyed really seems to be causing more stress than anything. And the last thing I need right now is more stress. It's upsetting as this forum should do more good than harm, but there are obviously people with personal agendas. I don't mind some someone saying- maybe this is what is going on, but comments comparing me to a babysitter are just insane and cause my blood to boil. A babysitter doesn't have to handle the child when he comes home every other weekend angry and not himself. Nor do they have to handle the child who cries because their mother did or didn't do something, or the step father pointed a bb gun at him while the mother watched. A child so scared to go to his mom's house, he cries himself to sleep with both me and my DH stroking his back as his cries are so heavy he is losing his breath. I think I do more than babysit. Thank you for those who provide advise without the personal agenda- the ones who truly are trying to help- whether I agreed with your take on things or not. I really do appreciate your input. There are always new ways of looking at things and that can be a positive experience. I may peek in from time to time, but I think I'm out for now. For those who are interested- I spoke with the doctor today. He is willing to try the IVF procedure with my eggs with whatever limited supply I have. The chances are low, but there is a chance for a child with my genetic make up. Even if it doesn't work, at least we can say we tried and didn't just give up. If it doesn't work, we will likely try either donor eggs or adoption. We are beginning to look into adoption in preparation. Thank you for all your kind works regarding my dilema and I wish you all well.

Good suggestions to widen walk and planting bed. No reason for everything to be scrunched up against the house. To that end, I would remove the piece of porch railing that is to the right of the right post and widen the steps. It obscures the door. Making that opening more generous will make your entry more welcoming and visible. Orange, yellow, red, pink—go for a bright color on front door. Consider complimentary flower colours to really make things pop. I also agree on repainting the garage door to make it less prominent. I would also relocate your flag to one of the other posts or the garage, again to open up your entry. Consider deepening the planting bed by the left corner of the house by 10-15’ and incorporating a small ornamental tree to add interest and balance the garage. It could curve toward the entry, narrowing to 5 or 6 feet on the right. This will allow depth for an interesting planting scheme. You want to try and draw the eye to the left, away from the garage door. Interesting hardscape for the entry would be good. A darker or permeable surface on the driveway would also help, but is maybe a budget buster. : ) I would add a hanging basket between the right and middle porch posts to partially obscure the window behind and put the focus on the door instead. Think about year round structure and interest first before buying any annuals or perennials. I’d address the bed size first. Then research and choose a tree for fall planting, next 2-3 small shrubs (at least 1 evergreen) or big grasses to add some oomph. Fill in as necessary/desired with tough perennials or groundcover and mulch the works to suppress weeds. Be realistic about how much maintenance you want to have to do. Cute little house. Lots of potential to add some wow without too much time or money!