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First-time expectant grandparent

Posted by melykin (My Page) on
Wed, Oct 18, 06 at 20:47

I just learned that my daughter (married, 29, and living in a city about 4 hours away) is expecting her first baby in June 2007. I should be happy, but instead I'm feeling a lot of anxiety, worrying about all the things that can go wrong. In some ways I worry that the baby might upset things and cause lots of problems, and make my daughter unhappy. Surely these are not normal feelings for a grandmother-to-be to be feeling. What's wrong with me?

I do have some positive feelings, since I love to sew quilts, and have been buying baby fabric for some time (just 'cause it was so cute, I couldn't resist it).

Grandparents must have to walk a very fine line between being to bossy and interfering and being supportive and caring.

Well, I guess this wil be a new adventrue! Any advice appreciated!


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: First-time expectant grandparent

My daughter was 30 when she had her first baby 18 months ago. I was a bit nervous, also, as she had never enjoyed babysitted, etc. However, she's the best mother ever and I have the fun of babysitting everyday while her parents work. Believe me, the "kids" will be excellent parents! It's natural to worry...you're not only worrying about your child, but also your child's child. :) Relax and enjoy this time.


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RE: First-time expectant grandparent

I'm not a grandmother, but I think its great that you can "own" your feelings. Much better than the old game face everything's great for me. I can tell you my mother was probably extremely distressed while I was pregnant. (I was 29, never told me, however - a good thing because I would have worried about her worrying) I had lost one pregnancy before, and had some issues with my next, nothing outrageous, just a bit nerve wracking. My mother was thrilled at the prospect of a grandchild but I still think she worried about what it would be like for me. If you think about it, how do you describe to someone who does not have kids, what it is like to be a mom? There are just no words, too many emotions.

I know if when my daughter has a baby I will be very nervous. I think years ago when women had babies there wasn't all this test and that test, ultrasound, 10 bloodworks, etc. I think if I were to have had a second child I would have "opted out" of many of the tests.

I never thought I would have kids. Didn't play dolls as a kid, closest was Barbie dolls with dress up clothes. I am still not a "baby" person. I babysat a little, but as soon as I could, I got a "real job" working with adults. I like kids, just am not one of those girls who dreamed of getting married and having babies. So when I had my daughter I figured I was set with one. I was surprised at what a good mom I became. I was fortunate enough to be a stay at home mom, reading, gymboree, and all the fun stuff I could do with her we did. She went to museums and other cultural things as a young child. I know I am prejudiced, but she is one beautiful, smart, kind, soon to be 16 year old girl.

I will say my MIL probably was not so happy for other reason. I think when you become a "grandmother" it signifies a change in your life. Some people need a little adjustment time. By the time my daughter was born she was fine.

JMHO:-) Also, congrats to everyone in your family.


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RE: First-time expectant grandparent

My daughter had breast cancer at 32, her first and only child at 35! This was a huge surprise to everyone including her doctor since they thought the chemo and radiation made her sterile. For reasons best left unexplained the father chose not to be included in this. She had her little girl 10 years ago, I moved to be closer to them 3 years ago and care for my granddaughter while her mother works. Things are good for all of us now, no recurring cancer and a beautiful little girl who loves life.
You don't know how much I worried before she was born about what the treatments could have done to her but she is perfect. It is normal to worry about our children, that is something that doesn't change when they grow up.
A little something to think about: Becoming a grandma is the single most exciting experience on earth. I floated on air for weeks after my first one was born and he is 26 now and still special.


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RE: First-time expectant grandparent

Thanks for the replies, folks! I haven't checked back here for a long time. Well the grand baby is due in just a few more weeks, and everything seems to be going well. According to the ultrasound (at 34 weeks) it is a girl! There sure are a lot of very cute outfits for baby girls in the stores!


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RE: First-time expectant grandparent

Be there to help her at first. Assure her. Enjoy.


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RE: First-time expectant grandparent

Let us know how it goes!
Eileen


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RE: First-time expectant grandparent

I am a fairly new grandmother, new to this site. I was looking for a place to chat with other grandmothers who live far away from their grandbabies. My grandsons are 22 months and 2 months and live in Western New York and I live in California. I don't know if there are better sites out there, but was just wondering.


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RE: First-time expectant grandparent

If there are better/more active sites, I would love to know about it!
Janhagan we lived in Southern Ca for many years and moved to Phoenix when out DD and SIL moved. Our granddaughter is 2 1/2 and we have the joy of babysitting her while her parents work. It's just heaven watching her grow up!
Eileen


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RE: First-time expectant grandparent

My son and daughter in law are expecting their first child in July. They will find out next week whether it is boy or girl. They both want a girl cause all their friends have baby girls and DIL thinks a girl will be easier to manage as a first child. I don't know about that - my son was an easy baby to raise.

Anyway, I just hope everything goes well. I am trying to be supportive without being nosey or intrusive about things like diet and such.

Both DIL and son are only children. This will be the first grandchild for both sets of grandparents. Do you think this child has any chance of NOT being spoiled !!


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