I have lived with 'functional' alcoholics for years. They can walk, talk, act 'normal' while having consumed enough alcohol to knock over a horse. Unless you know them, you can't tell, and until they've gone over their usual limit that is when most people will say "oh, Bob is drunk, don't let him drive". DH and I won't allow these people to drive to our home, and NEVER did we let our family members ride with them. Sounds to me like this woman is that way. 10 shots early in the day? Normal to a person like that. She'd likely pour vodka into her juice, pop, whatever she was drinking. You usually can't smell vodka (like you can say whiskey or gin) especially if it's her drink of choice. Whether or not her family knew, hard to say. They might know that she drinks, but assume it's 'socially' and not be aware that she's downing a 5th a day in her Big Gulps. One of the most difficult things to do is to deal with an alcoholic family member, that doesn't fit the stereotype of an alcoholic. Most people think of the mug shots of drunks when they think of alcoholics, not Aunt Betty who bakes cakes for everyone's birthday. Lots of people see nothing wrong with toking. They don't believe it impairs you. I disagree. But I won't go to the point of telling people what they should or shouldn't think. I do know that people I know will not smoke weed around me, or knowingly do so when they know I'll be around, since I do tell them I can smell it on them. We watched an interview with a woman I believe was the MIL, and attorneys for the family. Man. I'm a lay person, but I'd have fired those bone heads in a minute if I was hoping they'd represent my family.

:) Thank you everyone. He has decided not to sign the papers for the refi, for one. No changes to the loan, except hundreds of dollars less per month. I'm down to the absolute wire, already transferred the funds to close... and find out the agent didn't get his signature and now he won't sign. Fairly stressful. He's moved out, but most of his stuff is still here and I don't know where he's living. And he's calling people to tell them how great his life is, how non-stressful it is now that he's not living with me. This has been a really hard two months. I've been trying to stay positive but I've hit a few bumps and I'm starting to run out of steam. I just have to keep reminding myself this will not last forever. I'm getting a lot of validation from others who know him. Evidently he's done a few things to people that I didn't realize, similar things that he's doing to me now. So at least it's not personal, he just has a personality flaw. Glad it's in the process of being over. Really tired of the process.

I am new to this forum - this is my first post. I am a 29-year old SD...and, maybe, future-SM. I have been in a serious relationship for the past year with a wonderful man who has two young daughters who live several states away with their BM. I adore them and enjoy spending time with them every month or two, and the BM and I get along fine. The posts on this forum have been incredibly insightful and I have discussed many of the issues with my BF. But, I want to address the question about my relationship with my SM. The further I progress down the road to potential SM-hood, and the more I examine the issues that many stepfamilies face, the more I have sympathy for some of what my SM probably went through, i.e. my considering my father's house as solely his and not hers, etc. (My parents divorced when I was 8, SM came on the scene as GF when I was 14, and married my father when I was 23.) I was a typical teenager with a bad, confrontational attitude. I will probably be cursed with the same kids someday - LOL. I am a fair person and I always apologize when I go the wrong way, irrespective of whether the person overall "deserves" it. When I'm wrong, I'm wrong. However, my SM was one my brother and I saw through from the beginning. She is racist, materialistic, and gives the most conditional of love - meaning, as long as you like the same things and hold the same philosophies she does, all is well in the world. Express a different opinion, and she clams up with her smug smile and says nothing. I have never met a more judgmental, bigoted person in all my life. Imagine that with a confrontational teenager...provacations galore. It shocks me that my dad has never seen his side of her (he sees her good attributes and she does have them, like a keen sense of history for example). I disliked her from the beginning because she trash-talked my mother (who she had never met) and told lies about me to my father. It took her many years to acknowledge and apologize (albeit indirectly) for her behavior...it is also something my father to this day is not comfortable discussing with me. Guess it would make it harder to stay married to a bigoted liar!! She has also abused his financial trust to the point where they now have "separate" finances (what a joke - they live in CA). It is unfortunate that my father puts whatever faith he has left in her to manage his affairs should the time come, and as of a few years back had neither a living will nor trust. At the end of the day, I accept my SM because she tries hard to make my father's life happy, and easier. She does a lot of things for him. I realize it is not my business that she moved into a house my father saved for his whole life and decorated it with her gazillion crappy knick-knacks - to each her own!! I find their dynamic stressful and upsetting, and their arguments and nit-picking seem to have escalated more over the years. The gift of my own aging has shown me that parents are just people, and we live cross-country now and have limited time together. They cannot tell me what makes me happy any more than I can tell them. Our relationship has changed from an authoritarian, parenting-style to one of adults who see each other at holidays and consult about important decisions. Another key is that she has demonstrated to me how NOT to be a SM. I pledged from my heart, from the beginning that I would never trash-talk my BF's daughters' BM (and ex-wife), and that I would deal with issues related to custody, finances, etc. with much more dignity and unconditional love than I was shown by my SM if and when the time comes. Finally, I understand why she was given to me in my life!! Feels good to pop out and say something here, after so many months. Best to you all!

This woman has mental issues, plain and simple. I think SHE is in dire need of therapy---not the rest of you! I am sorry your DD has this woman in her life. :( My SS has two sisters from his mom; they are 3 years old and 7 months old and they are his SISTERS. No matter that they do not share a father. He calls them his sisters and neither I nor DH would EVER dream of saying "Those are your half sisters." UGHHH. My DD is his STEPsister; but the two of them have been raised together since they were two. They call each other "my brother" or "my sister." DH and I would never correct them. They *know* they are technically step-siblings but the step has just never been part of their vocabulary. Thankfully, BM, for all her issues, does not seem to mind this. She has never corrected him in this regard. He refers to my family---like my dad, or my mom, or my grandparents----as his "grandma, grandpa, Oma, Opa," etc. The part about your DD's SM being obsessed with boy things creeps me out---it's like she somehow views boys as superior and therefore, that would mean your DD is inferior. The woman has ISSUES. She really does. Please bring all this up with your family counselor.