Grandparents travelling

22 years ago

Every year my parents travel to Arizona and Mexico for a few months. I have two daughters now 4 and 2. The past years the girls were too small to know the differance that they were gone, but now they ask for them almost every day. It is breaking my heart to try and explain to my 2 year old why she can't see Grama and Papa. This is the first year they have been gone for almost six months (missing halloween and christmas ) I feel they are being selfish going for so long. I really want them to have a holiday and enjoy themselves, the work hard all year and deserve it but isn't 6 months a bit much. The are in their 50's and I feel the kids will only be this little once. These are the only grandchildren they will ever have, seeing how my only other sibling doesn't want kids. I would really like some input. Am I being selfish or what?

Comments (11)

MauiSG
22 years ago
I understand your concern. Your parents have done their job. Let them have the chance to be happy together again (by themselves) while they are still young enough to enjoy life and each other. There are plenty of ways to keep in touch with them; call, write, email, etc. Have you seen the thread about long distance grandparents?

Here is a link that might be useful: Long Distance Grandparents
123_345_com
22 years ago
Please, please, let them have their time when they can enjoy it. My father planned to retire at 62--and travel with my mother. He retired, but by then had been diagnosed with cancer. How I would have loved to see them have the time to enjoy themselves for at least a few years.

Don't take their pleasure away from them--instead, may I respectfully recommend turning this into a plus? If possible, have your parents make videos of their travels--that include plenty of shots of themselves, of course--to send home to the girls. Kids love getting postcards and the pictures will help them understand where their grandparents are. Buy phone cards when they're on sale and send them to your parents along with your daughters' crayon pictures so they can call frequently. In a year or two, this will be a great learning experience--you'll be able to pull out a map and show them where Grandma and Grandpa are; to check the weather channel each day to see if it's sunny/raining/etc on G & G. Maybe at some point, you'll even be able to take a short trip to visit in the middle of their long vacation.

All I'm suggesting is that there is good to be found here--maybe not as good as having your parents there everyday, but just think how wonderful it is that they've got enough good health, money, independence and spirit of adventure to still be enjoying their lives to the fullest. If they supported your journey into independence as you grew up, it's now your turn to return the favor.
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I was very touched by what you are expressing, especially about your Mom "biting her lip" to keep from offering unwanted advice. I have 3 grandchildren of my own, and my husband has 3-nearly-4. So I can empathize, believe me. My little granddaughter is nearly 5, and an absolute scamp. I saw her today, and played Barbies-Having-a-Feast with her (we drag out dozens of Barbies, set play food on little tables, the Prince comes to host the banquet, you get the picture). She has two younger brothers, and tends to be quite bossy. Of course I love the dickens out of them all, but I said to her, "Alyssa, you are really going to have to not be so bossy." Playing with the grandkids is when you really get to know them, as a grandparent. And also a means to offer them a little "life advice." I think Debbeeanne's suggestion of encouraging Grandmas to babysit is an excellent one. This tells both grandparents that you and your husband trust them completely, with the safety of your child. Also, call once a week on the phone and ask the Grandmas to talk to your son. Even if he just goos into the receiver, they will enjoy it. It's good, too, to telephone with "the latest accomplishment." They can't see him growing every day, like you do. Feel free to share -- it will make them feel closer to him, and to you. You sound like a wonderful Mom, daughter, and daughter-in-law. How nice it would be, if more young mothers realized how important it is to include the Grandmoms. As a grandparent, the fact that God has blessed us with a grandbaby is the icing on Life's cake. One day you will know this feeling -- but for now, just love your little boy, and continue to be a terrific Mom! Here is a link that might be useful: Welcome to Gram's Pantry
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twoveils_aol_com
22 years ago
Yes, you are being selfish. Children sometimes have a hard time believing that they are not the center of their parent's universe. Our grand-kids miss us too when we're gone, but our daughter understands that we worked hard for our retirement and want to enjoy it as we choose. That means being able to spend much more time with them than we were able to when we worked, but also being able to take extended trips in our RV. This must be tearing your parents up, having to feel like they have to choose between their winter trip and their grandkids. Let them enjoy themselves without guilt.
gjhnetx_hotmail_com
22 years ago
This sounds like my daughter-in-law could have wrote this but since you said it was your parents going south I guess not.
My parents never got a chance to do anything together as they raised a large family and my father died at 62. My husband is my best friend and we enjoy spending time together doing the things we love to do and if we would stay home for the winter, we wouldn't get a chance to do them.
Why don't you try visiting your parents when they are snowbirding and see the things they are doing and then maybe it will be easier for you to understand why they want to be there. We enjoy our winters down south but that doesn't mean that we don't think about our children and grandchildren all of the time and we miss them very much.
mary_s63_yahoo_com
22 years ago
Terry,
My husband and I took a trip out west this past September. We were gone for a month. We have two grandchildren, one was not quite a month old and the other one was 2 i/2. The baby well she didn't really miss us but the older one Makayla was a different story. We take her camping and fishing alot. We are fortunate to live close to them so we see them several times a week. The first week we were gone, we would call her..her first words to us were..I want to go fishing and camping when big trip over; the second week she was asking is the trip over? I want to go fishing and camping; the third week she was telling us the trip WAS over and to come home, that last week her Momma was telling us she should have let Makayla come with us. Oh yes, Makayla missed us BIG time, but you know what....we missed her just as much. We saw so many places she would have loved seeing with us. Makayla loves to look at the pictures from our trip, all 17 rolls of film of them, telling us where we were at. The next big trip we take...will include taking both of the grandchildren! I don't want to miss anything with these wonderful little girls, they grow up way too fast.
t_myers4_shaw_ca
22 years ago
That is funny, my daughters name is Kayla. She is 2 also and really misses her Gram and Papa. It is really hard to explain to a two year old why she can't see them for so long. I don't think one month is bad at all, my parents are gone for almost six. I have accepted that they go, I just feel they are missing out on alot.
Helen
22 years ago
TELL THEM GRANDMA IS OUT AND TRAVELING AND HAVING A GOOD TIME AND WHEN THEY GET OLDER MAYBE, THEN CAN TO, DON'T READ SO MUCH INTO IT, FOR YOUR YOUNG ONES. IT IS TIME FOR GRANDMA AND GRANDPA TO GO!.YOU ARE LUCKY THEY SEE THEM AT ALL.SOME ARE SO FAR AWAY ONLY PICTURES ARE THEIR GRANCHILDREN. PARENTS DO NOT OWE THEIR CHILDREN ANYTHING.THEY ARE GOD'S HE LENT THEM TO US. LOVE THEM AND CALL THEM AND DON'T WHINE ABOUT THEIR LIVES OR THEY YOUR LIFE. SIMPLE AS THAT.
downsouth_ivillage_com
22 years ago
I can't add much more to the above posts except that my husband and I are looking forward to retiring and traveling. You can't travel much when you both are working, so it's an opportunity when you get in your 50's/60's and you look forward to this leisure time. I agree with the post about sending pictures, share their traveling experiences with your children. Tell them "this is where grandma/grandpa are and they're having a wonderful time, but they miss you so much!"
whazzup
22 years ago
Your children will only be little once, that's true. But your parents may only have this time in their lives to travel. How fortunate you are to have parents that are in good health. Why not try to look at it from that perspective?
Marakone_Webtv_net
22 years ago
Be grateful your parents enjoy enough health and wealth to travel. These are memories they are creating for THEM! These memories will carry one of them through life when death separates them. Nothing is sadder than listening to one parent relate what they both should have done together when they had a chance. My MIL spoke constantly of buying a mobil home and spending at least a year traveling the U.S. " when she retired". Her first retirement chek arrived about 1 hour before her funeral.
Jerri
22 years ago
Even at 6 months of travel, they are still giving you and your daughters half their time. Sounds to me like they're being fair. Use all the above suggestions, and be happy for them!
j

Grandparents travelling

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MauiSG

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