should grandparents be paid for daycare?
Lynnieco
21 years ago
Featured Answer
Comments (52)
mariend
21 years agolast modified: 9 years agosuzieque
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Uninterested Grandparents
Comments (19)Iarsk, I hope you can manage to not take this personally. It is true, some people are just not interested in children. I'm one of them. We had 5 children in a less than 4 year span. For 20 years our life was completely devoted to them, the farm, the family. Truth is, we're just plain tired and want to do things ourselves now. Yes, we see all the 6 (so far) grandchildren. But we both breathe a sigh of relief when they are gone, and usually just fall into bed. I'm not much of a 'hands-on' grandma. I don't want to babysit, I don't offer advise, (but will give my best guess when asked.) Well, 2 of the grandchildren are just tiny, not old enough to 'play' with yet. The other 4 are like whirling dirvishes, never slow down for a moment. Their mother doesn't seem to mind that, but it's hard on us. I doubt your parents, neither dad nor his wife, are trying to be hurtful. Not all of us are meant to be caregivers for our entire lifespans. Some of us do the very best we can with utter attention and devotion to raise our own families, then we feel like we're done, and want to move on to other things in life. Just enjoy your babies. Appreciate every age and every stage. Maybe some day you, too, will want to be more removed from childrearing. You never know. j...See MoreGrandparent help
Comments (8)I love my grandchild more than anything in this world. He is my soul and inspiration. Since the birth of my grandchild, I have been the sole caregiver. Both parents have jobs that require long hours. I am disabled-physically. I have been watching my grandchild for 3 1/2 years. Sometimes, out of the 30 days in a month, my grandchild is with me 18 or more nights. I don't the pleasure of just spoiling a grandchild. I have to been the disciplinarian. I hated it when I raised my own child. Now, I have to scold my little one and reprimand them and give them timeouts. I get to witness the tantrums, screaming, yelling, and kicking. Whereas, the other grandmother didn't step in until the grandchild reached their 3rd birthday. She gets credit for spending time and buying items; whereas, I feel like a babysitter. Wednesday, my grandchild through a tantrum that words can not describe. I live in an apartment and things are easily heard. This child was screaming at the top of their lungs and I was worried that someone would call child services because of this intense tantrum. I never experience a tantrum this bad. I am suppose to have surgery on my spine and the doctor tells me that I can't lift anything that's over 25 pounds. My grandchild weighs 37 lbs. I literally can't leave my apt. for up to 5 days a week for fear that he will run from me and I can't chase him down. I am so frustrated and hating myself for how things turned out on Wednesday. I haven't slept because I am so distraught over the situation and I can't share any of this with anyone that is familiar with the families. So, that leaves me holding everything in....See MoreUninterested Grandparents
Comments (102)The more I read on here, the better I feel. I grew up with no grandparents, they all died when I was little. My kids grew up with only one set of grandparents because my dad and their dad's dad were far away and didn't care too much. My mom and dad lived about 4 hours away. We saw her every Christmas and sometimes in between when I could afford to go visit her. So my kids didn't get to see them too often, but we had good times when we did. Did it bother me that my mom didn't come to visit me? Yes, but I never cut her off for not being the perfect mom or grandma. But I vowed I would do better. I have 4 daughters, and when I got my first granddaughter, I still had a 5 year old and 11 yr old, and 17 yr old. By the time I had my next two grandsons, I still had two daughters at home. It was like having more kids, especially since they all lived with me when in financial crisis, when going through a divorce, etc. I remember my daughter telling me it was my job as a grandmother to babysit the kids and I should want to, and besides, I had nothing else to do anyways. She was dating online at the time and I finally said no more. I would babysit for her, but not every weekend while she was going out with a new guy each time. Now back to the present where she has cut me out of her life......when she was throwing all the stuff about me being selfish and not spending enough time with the boys, I asked her why she never invited me over her house to visit.... bbq or play cards (I had mentioned it to her more than once) and her only excuse was she couldn't afford to bbq because her bf wasn't working enough. When I asked her why she never came over when I invited her and boys to go swimming.....well, she ignored that one. Two weeks before she posted about me on fb, I finally got them to come swimming, but she brought this new friend of hers and her kids with her and spent the whole time talking to her, so I think that was the only reason she finally came. One week before she posted the fb post about me, I had emailed her from work asking if they wanted to go to a baseball game cause my work offered me free tickets. I thought the boys would enjoy it. She refused. Two days before the post, I had emailed her because I knew her birthday was coming up and I offered to babysit the boys (including her bf's son) so they could go do something special and she said no thank you and don't ask why. I thought at the time it was cause she was mad at her bf. And then I get the post about being such a bad grandma-so I truly was it total shock. I had to stay home two day from work I was so upset. I just don't understand.....if it all really mattered to her, why doesn't she want to make it work when it's offered? Instead she says no, I don't care, I don't miss you, the boys are losing much, and I'm embarrassed to call any of you family. That was also even after two of her sisters said sorry for not visiting more (even though they live far away)...See MoreGrandparents as Babysitters
Comments (5)I guess you could say I can see both sides of the story. I am 36 and expecting child number 4. I also have an 18 yr old daughter with a 3 month old daughter of her own. She wasn't planning hers and neither was I, but here we are. I do help her with babysitting, but I have a life of my own. I have simply told her that when my baby comes along I will have my hands full, and even though she will be welcome to visit at any time, I will not babysit for her until I am able to take care of my own and the soon to be 4 year old by myself first. I am having a c-section. In your circumstances, I feel you are right to say that you are not going to be able to care for the children constantly. I am certain that when she calms down and is able to look at things calmly, she will appreciate what you are able to do, and see the value in it. You have said that she is in a bad situation that is going to get a little rougher. I can say that even though unplanned pregnancies are rough, they are not the end of the world and your daughter will get over it eventually. I would suggest a phone call even if it means leaving a voicemail or message, and tell her if you are still willing to help her out, but make sure she understands that it is not just for your convenience, but also for the children's safety. If she is unwilling to listen to reason after that, you will just have to keep yourself occupied and wait for her to deal with it on her own. I hope things work out for you. Good luck and God bless....See Moreaileen
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