Once the baby was born, I was basically told to leave the
room so she could breasfeed. I left the room and figuring
she was tired (everyone had been up over 24 hours) and needed alone time, I went home. I knew they would have
their steak dinner that night and see their friends. I
told my son I would see them the next afternoon after I
got off from work.

I called the next day, told them when I would be there,
visited that night, and they went home the next day.

You would think, end of story, happy ending, right>?

I have not been allowed to see the baby. Why? Because
I have been told this:

I was selfish for "wanting" to be in the delivery room
although she could see why I wanted to be there since it
was my first grandchild and she was afraid I was going to
PUSH my way into the room. I did no such thing. I went
to the waiting room and then went outside the building to
get some air. THEY felt I should have stayed in the building and this was so wrong, they can't get over it.

I was also told that I left too soon after the baby was
born, even though I wasn't allowed to be in the room when
she was breastfeeding. They are also mad at me because
I did not call them that night. (their cell phones were
ringing off the hook all day and I did not want to bother
them or disturb their rest).

I was at the hospital 2 hours after the baby was born.

They went to her parents house after they left the hospital. I called on Wednesday to see how they did.
Everything was great. Thursday night I called, everyone
was sleeping, so I said I would call the next day. Friday
I called, no one returns my call. Saturday I called, was
told I could come visit on Sunday (yeah!!).

Sunday, I call, after noon, and all the above crap was
thrown in my face. YOU didn't do this, YOU weren't in
the building, YOU didn't stay long enough, YOU wanted to
be in the room, YOU are selfish, YOU need to back off,
YOU can't see the baby now.

I have cried my eyes out for 48 hours. Am I allowed NO
feelings? Its ok for them to treat me like dirt? My
son and I have been very close, single parent to him for
years. HE is taking her side, of course, it is very clear.

I have tried to email her, call her, ask her what did I
do that was so terrible? You don't want me there, but
you do want me there. It was there day not mine, I know
that. Its wasn't about me but now they are making it
all about ME!!!

She did email me back a whole page of critical comments,
rude accusations and down right lies. She even stated that
I threw a "tantrum" when I wasn't allowed in the delivery
room!! This is so not true!! I did no such thing and
would never embarass my son or her for that matter like
that. I called then emailed her that she was obviously
mad at me, and I was so sorry, but this has to end. We
have a beautiful healthy baby, and that is what everyone
should be thankful for. Not stressing over where I was
during the delivery!! and NOW using a helpless innocent
child to put a wedge between me and everybody!! This
is so wrong, and downright EVIL on so many levels!!

At this point I am so upset, I am thinking about just
moving out of the state. The only reason I live where
I live has been to be close to my son. He has shunned me
and shut me out of the most wonderful expereince in his
life... (and believe me, there have not been many of
those). I have stood by him during his dealings with the
law, bailed him out of jail, helped him out financially,
spent thousands on this baby and supplies, and this is
what I receive in return.

I wasn't expecting alot, belive me. But to be ridiculed,
hated, and now banned from my sweet grandchild is more
than I can bear!!

What the Hell did I do wrong here??

Wash your hands from them. I can guarantee they will call you when the need a sitter. You know you are supposed to be just sitting by the phone waiting for them to need you right? (sarcasm)

You are intrusive.

"I
told my son I would see them the next afternoon after I
got off from work.

I called the next day, told them when I would be there,
visited that night, and they went home the next day."

NOTE: maybe in future interactions, you should *ASK* when to come over, INSTEAD OF "TELLING" THEM when you will arrive.....have a little common courtesy, some decency, and learn how to respect people's boundaries.

That will help the situation more than anything.

Why do you think it is "mean and rude" for these folks to have some boundaries?

"My mother was in the delivery room w/all my kids, why do you think she was selfish in wanting to be a part of a beautiful event in her sons life. "

I don't think a mom wanting to be in the delivery room is necessarily wrong, but it should always be with the agreement of, and at the invitation of, THE MOTHER - remember her? She's the one who's naked with her legs splayed open, giving birth....please excuse her for having feelings/opinions/preferences regarding *who* is in the labor room with her.
Birth isn't a circus sideshow.
It's not something you get an automatic pass to attend by virtue of being "The Grandmother."
What a strange point of view!
IF and only IF the MOTHER wants the grandmother there, THEN the grandmother should be asked to come on in...believe it or not, the birth is really about the baby (remember him/her?), and *not* the feelings of the grandparent....it's about the baby being brought into the world. Maybe you think it's rude and mean for a woman in labor to have any opinions, but I don't.
"All of these forums are the same, people venting their personal feelings and miserable, nasty people bashing them for feeling that way. "
I guess, you think calling a spade a spade, is "bashing."

I'm just guessing here, but I think the reason the OP's son and DIL didn't want her around right after the birth, is because she took the joyous occasion of her grandchild's birth and threw a ridiculous FIT, trying to make the day ALL ABOUT HER.
Don't blame them a bit!

It isn't always popular to stick up for the underdog.

"There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest."
Elie Wiesel

Do you believe that a grandmother should have automatic entry into the hospital room when her DIL gives birth?

If so, why?

Just curious - this seems to be such a personal thing with you. And, do you know the person who started the thread?

Much more productive for her to slow down, and think about the fact that the priority should have been the baby and mother.
She seemed offended that her DIL didn't want her in the room while she breastfed.
That is the DIL's perogative - if she didn't want her there, the MIL should have been gracious enough, to leave the room without making a big deal about it.

She was, in my opinion, intrusive and inconsiderate. Much better for her to consider her behavior, apologize, and try to bring some love and joy to the family, instead of causing problems and stress. JMO.

I'm sorry you are hurting. It seems to me that you were trying so hard, maybe too hard. I don't know. Sometimes it's a little tricky being the mother of a son. You kind of have to figure out what your son's wife (or girlfriend) wants you to be, and then be it. Crazy, but true!

I would suggest giving them their space for right now. I don't think you did anything wrong, and I'm sorry that you are hurting. Give them their space, and wait. It's hard, but that's what it is going to take, apparently.