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Pitfall #1
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Posted by gandbb (My Page) on Sat, Oct 22, 05 at 1:24
| 30 hours since I found out I was going to be a grandmother and I have already taken a header. My daughter wrote to me that the baby was going to be named Collen. I emailed her commenting on the unusual spelling and assumed it was a family name in her husband's family. It wasn't. It turns out that according to her I knew that she spelled it wrong and I was just being snide and snotty. This doesn't bode well for the future. |
Follow-Up Postings:
RE: Pitfall #1
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| this isn't important and I am bumping it down |
RE: Pitfall #1
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| Hi -- So sorry for you that an innocent thing like that prompted such a negative reaction in your daughter! To me, not knowing either of you but just reading here, it sounds like SHE responded with the snide and snotty message. Is that her normal demeanor or could it be hormones? If it's normal, I'm sure that you already know to tread lightly. Good luck! Suzieque |
RE: Pitfall #1
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| Sounds like you better mend your relations with your daughter before you try on the role of grandmother. Linda C |
RE: Pitfall #1
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| Ouch!! It was much ado about nothing, a matter of email not conveying inflection. |
RE: Pitfall #1
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| Wait a minute, she spelled the baby's name wrong already? Is it a boy or a girl? I assumed she spelled it right, it was just an unusual spelling for "Colin" or some such name. And why are you communicating by email? When my daughter told me the good news, it was by phone, as are all of our conversations with her, and my other two kids too. I am now a grandmother for 3 weeks, and we still talk by phone. Email is for forwarding interesting articles that we read online. Good luck to both of you, you'll need it. |
RE: Pitfall #1
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| She spelled it wrong and she is only assuming it is going to be a boy. She is using a last name from her husband's family and probably had never seen it written. Spelling is not her long suit. She broke the news by sending me her ultrasound as an email attachment. I thought it was a cute way to do it. I responded by email because I didn't think she would be home from work yet and because I was leaving to take my daily walk with a neighbor. I called her when I got home. We do correspond a lot by email because long distance is expensive and she has no cell phone reception where she lives. I let her initiate most of our communication because I have no wish to be an intrusive mother-in-law. I guess I would like to have a relationship more like what you describe, but I didn't know we were way off the beam. My other daughter and I correspond by instant messaging because she is able to do that at work. We rarely phone because that wouldn't be permitted where she works. Her "at home" schedule is exceedingly hectic and again...we don't want long distance charges. |
What are the parameters?
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| Im a very new grandmother, 2 days! Im very proud and grateful that both my daughter and my beautiful, sweet grandson are healthy. I've raised my 3 children alone, and if I've never done anything else well, I am a good Mom. The mother-in-law thing is a bit tricky. I want to help, but not intrude. I wanted to go over and help out at night so they could sleep for a few nights. My daugher wanted that, I know..but as soon as they were in the room she nicely let me know that I should probably go home. I know what it is like to have a baby, nurse him and be so exhausted. Her husband doesnt. I know he wants to take care of them, and prove he is responsible and capable...etc. For which Im grateful...but how do I help without stepping on their toes? |
RE: Pitfall #1
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| I'd put it down to hormones and not take it personally. Colin is a lovely name! (Repeat after me: Colin is a lovely name!) *I* really think it is, and you are going to just love it, too, in your next email to your daughter. I hope they will pronounce it properly, not like the ":" symbol. But if they don't...they don't, and that will be OK too. Our new grandson is Nathaniel. So far we ALL call him Baby. Can't wait to hear his own version of his name. |
RE: Pitfall #1
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| Hey, nothing wrong with communicating by e-mail! In fact, it leaves a lovely (maybe with just a little editing) record of how the pregnancy developed, the little hopes expressed, etc. You could even save the conversations on disk or print them out for the baby book. Imagine, years from now looking through your conversations -- helping plan the layette, how to decorate the nursery, baby showers -- with your daughter and Grandbaby! Just keep positive, don't let impulse rule when hormones or whatever snap and you get a less than nice reply. It sounds like this is a first time and it is a wonderful experience. Go with that! Enjoy, support and all will turn out well. Susan |
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