Deadbeat Grandparents?
danalynne
21 years ago
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Comments (22)
adjones826
21 years agomariend
21 years agoRelated Discussions
Grandparents... What are their rights?
Comments (11)I think it's important for your children to have contact with their grandparents. I'm 46 and have one grandmother left (94). I wish I could have spent more time with my other grandmother. They were so different! The only exception would be if the grandmother was "bashing" the mother or father to the child. I wouldn't allow that! I found this info: So, what do granddaughters get out of this relationship? They feel they gain emotional security, closeness, and beliefs and values that only grandparents can pass from their own upbringing. Grandmothers teach skills, such as, cooking, knitting, sewing, and housekeeping. This happens to be the case in my family, too. Had it not been for the grandmother, my daughter wouldn't have learned knitting. My wife never got interested in knitting, but my daughter did, and thanks to grandmother, this skill lives on in my family. (My niece is learning all she can from my Mom, her grandmother, in regards to canning, sewing, and knitting slippers.) In summary, influence of a grandmother is largely positive. She imparts the traditional role and values to grandchildren, somewhat different and unique from what parents can provide . Culture of tomorrow is shaped by what the previous generations pass on to the current generation. So grandparents! You have something very valuable to give your grandchildren about the traditional values and mores. Remember your grandchildren have greater knowledge of their peer culture than you do, so don't challenge them in that department. Further, to have good relationship with grandchildren, you have to have good relationship with their parents. Grandchildren! Be playful and childlike in front of your grandparents, even if you are an adult. You can act as an adult around everyone else. ******************************** In Canada, the issue of grandparents rights of access to grandchildren has not been given recognition in legislation, with the exception of the provinces of Quebec, Alberta and B.C. In all other provinces, grandparents may only petition the courts for rights of access as interested third parties. In the absence of a specific statue providing grandparents with legal standing to access, there are continuing difficulties in obtaining contact with grandchildren Only Quebec, Alberta and B.C. have access legislation that presumes contact with grandparents is in the childÂs best interest. This places the responsibility with parents to show serious cause why access would not be in the childÂs best interest. Other provinces place responsibility onto the grandparents to prove that denied access will actually harm a child The rights of grandparents A grandparentÂs right to visit with grandchildren and take them on outings is recognized by law and is not affected by the separation of the childrenÂs parents. Parents cannot interfere in the personal relationship between their children and the childrenÂs grandparents, unless they have serious grounds for doing so. If parents and grandparents fail to agree on visiting and outing rights, the grandparents may apply to the court for a decision....See MoreNew SD mama drama ~ L.M.A.O.
Comments (9)In CA, mediation is mandatory for any custody/visitation issue. A few years ago, when DH filed for support, BM filed a motion for custody. They went to mediation & they gave such different accounts that the mediator wanted to see & talk to SD. Since BM lives 3 hours away & DH works an hour away, I offered to bring her to an appointment. BM's fangs came out & she snarled at me that SHE would bring HER daughter! (even the mediator was taken aback & told her to calm down) A few weeks later, BM picked up SD from school & took her to the mediation. SD told the mediator so many lies & horrible things about DH & me, that the mediator said it was "unbelievable" and refused to issue a recommendation. Instead, she referred them to a professional evaluator, which in our area runs about $6,000.00. BM got the call to schedule the appointment, they told her what it would cost & she called DH saying there's no way she can afford that so the case was dropped. There is a standing order that the evaluation must be done before any changes in custody or visitation can be done. (hence, DH cannot take her back to court to lower her time either unless HE pays it) It's a good bet that BM will never get custody of SD unless DH gives it to her... and he doesn't think it's in her best interest of course. And yeah, the trial they had in 2007 cost us $12,000.00 and ended in a 50/50 custody split. BM gave DH custody three weeks later when she met & moved away with BF. (The hardest thing for me to wrap my head around is that two weeks before the trial, BM had a different boyfriend that SD was telling us... mommy is getting married & I'm gonna be the flowergirl in the wedding, yet month later meets a new guy & dumps her kids to be with him.) Our total legal fees are exceeding $15,000.00 and currently DH is going to represent himself. If we thought she had a case, we might call in the attorney again. Of course, it's silly to pay $300 an hour to get $216 a month in support. It gets so ridiculous, getting angry is pointless so you have to laugh....See MoreThoughts?
Comments (9)I also think--and I may get blasted for this---that moms tend to harbor more jealousy and possessiveness over their children. I really think it is one of those primal things--an innate biological tendency to protect your own---that fathers don't have *as much.* IE--with my SS's BM, she has (in the past) been snippy and irritable when SS refers to my DD (his stepsister) as his "sister." She has complained to DH (not recently but within the last two years) that she doesn't like that because they are not *real siblings.* I get it. BUT that does NOT change the fact that SS and DD DO refer to one another as "my sister" or "my brother." That's how they introduce each other to friends, it's how they refer to one another in conversation, etc. They both call DH "daddy" and they really just do view and love each other as siblings. And more power to them! I think it's adorable and sweet, and if they choose to not use the term "step" (which they never ever have) then I'm not going to go out of my way to "correct" them. BM was irritated by this. Some form of jealousy on her part comes into play. Then there is my DH. He has, from the getgo, been SUPER accepting of SS's two (half) sisters from BM. DH always, always refers to those girls as SS's "sisters," and he oohs and ahhs over pictures SS might share with us, laughs at funny things SS says about them, etc. DH, in essence, has always fostered a healthy relationship and made it abundantly clear to SS that it is good and wonderful that he has sisters at his mom's. Same goes for his SF. DH is always, always positive to SS when talking about his SF. IE, his SF took him fishing a month or so ago, and DH said how great that was, how he hoped SS would have a great time, catch a lot, etc. BM is just not that way with me and MY relationship with SS, though she is getting better....See MoreBM took *SD* and moved to another state without telling us!
Comments (41)Ok thanks Po1 I was sooooo confused! Lol As far as the tax, it is a federal offense, look it up. If they are doing it, you don't have to go back to court, you contact the IRS. Period. Momof3 I believe you have said you are in NJ so please correct me if I am wrong. BUT on their website www.njchildsupport.org it specifically states, child support is calculated by both parents NET income combined. AND it also specifically states that other children in the paying parents household are considered into the percentage because she has to be able to provide for her other biological children. So there you go. $56 is fair for her income and the # of children she has based on her salary AND your husband's salary. NET is after all withholdings are taken out. Taxes, insurance, life insurance, etc. I understand your frustration BUT some of your anger is misguided at BM. Be made at the state of New Jersey for calculating your husband's income. And as far as the health insurance goes, neither BM nor BD provide health insurance for the child. Unfortunately what you are doing is not recognized by NJ. It states stepparent/grandparent income, contributions or their other bio children do not count in this equation. It is soley mom and dad period. So the person you should be mad at is the state not BM. You are giving her a free ride of health insurance and according to that website, you will not be reimbursed. I am so sorry that you deal with such a wonderful (sarcasm) mother. I am sorry that you have to pick up the pieces. But you are putting too much on your back for the role you have. God bless you honey. :)...See MoreCara_6
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