My grandma taught my Mom who repeated it to me, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!" and... "If you look hard enough, you can find some good in every one." My Grandma (her pet name for me was "Obbie"...for some reason, I didn't pronouce "Grandma" and "Awe-bee" was the name she answered to when I was a small child. Even her neighbors & lots of friends called her "Obbie" throughout the years of my growing up. She was a "hired girl" on farms when she was a teenager...she was married and divorced at a young age...she was widowed after another marriage to my grandpa of 26 yrs...she worked in a bakery, she operated a cafe, she ironed clothes in her home for other families...she was always a HARD worker!...she passed that on to her 3 daughters & family. Here are some of my precious memories of my Grandma, Obbie that I wrote back in 1984 for a genealogy book my Mom created: In the back yard, Obbie had lots of flower gardens. I once found the cactus garden with my bare feet when I jumped a fence playing (where I shouldn't have been)! There were also lots of sour grapes, good ripe strawbeeries and lots of green apples. We were never without homegrown food at Obbie's. And, oh, that homemade jar of strawberry jam. Of course, inside the house, there were always homemade chocolate chip cookies. And on Sundays, the smell of Obbie frying chicken (that my 'grandpa butchered). Anyone was welcome to show up for Sunday dinner! Obbie taught me a few of the things every woman was supposed to know before growing up. The ol' treadle sewing machine put out lots of doll clothes and pin cushions. Crocheting chain stitches (by the miles). Obbie crocheted each grandchild an afghan for graduation. Never being bored at Obbie's, there were always old catalogs for cutting out paper dolls and clothes. (Ok, Gjers, I could go on & on...but I just want you to know that I was very blessed...I was a "crouper" as a child and finally outgrew it at 12 yrs. old...but my Obbie would always come running when I got sick...with "warm 7-up" and hugs. Anyway, I will end this post with a poem I wrote for this genealogy book (she died when my first grandchild was 4 mos. old): "My grandma, Obbie, always had time for her grandchildren. She was never too busy to forget us. I am the lucky one even to have had Obbie for my grandma... If I can be as strong, as you were strong, If I can give, as you have given, If I can be kind, as you always were kind, If I am loved, as you are loved, If I am cherised, as you are cherished, If I am mourned, as you are mourned, Then I can say..my life is truly blessed. Obbie passed on her love for gardening & flowers to me...as my grandpa did also...and my Dad. Here is a pic that I am so fortunate to have of my Grandma holding me in her backyard...I lived in the same household the first 2 yrs. of my life...and her LOVE shaped my life. Ahhh, pretty sentimental stuff...but I enjoyed all of your sharing and wanted to share a bit of this special lady! Thanks, Jeanne S.

Iarsk, I hope you can manage to not take this personally. It is true, some people are just not interested in children. I'm one of them. We had 5 children in a less than 4 year span. For 20 years our life was completely devoted to them, the farm, the family. Truth is, we're just plain tired and want to do things ourselves now. Yes, we see all the 6 (so far) grandchildren. But we both breathe a sigh of relief when they are gone, and usually just fall into bed. I'm not much of a 'hands-on' grandma. I don't want to babysit, I don't offer advise, (but will give my best guess when asked.) Well, 2 of the grandchildren are just tiny, not old enough to 'play' with yet. The other 4 are like whirling dirvishes, never slow down for a moment. Their mother doesn't seem to mind that, but it's hard on us. I doubt your parents, neither dad nor his wife, are trying to be hurtful. Not all of us are meant to be caregivers for our entire lifespans. Some of us do the very best we can with utter attention and devotion to raise our own families, then we feel like we're done, and want to move on to other things in life. Just enjoy your babies. Appreciate every age and every stage. Maybe some day you, too, will want to be more removed from childrearing. You never know. j

The more I read on here, the better I feel. I grew up with no grandparents, they all died when I was little. My kids grew up with only one set of grandparents because my dad and their dad's dad were far away and didn't care too much. My mom and dad lived about 4 hours away. We saw her every Christmas and sometimes in between when I could afford to go visit her. So my kids didn't get to see them too often, but we had good times when we did. Did it bother me that my mom didn't come to visit me? Yes, but I never cut her off for not being the perfect mom or grandma. But I vowed I would do better. I have 4 daughters, and when I got my first granddaughter, I still had a 5 year old and 11 yr old, and 17 yr old. By the time I had my next two grandsons, I still had two daughters at home. It was like having more kids, especially since they all lived with me when in financial crisis, when going through a divorce, etc. I remember my daughter telling me it was my job as a grandmother to babysit the kids and I should want to, and besides, I had nothing else to do anyways. She was dating online at the time and I finally said no more. I would babysit for her, but not every weekend while she was going out with a new guy each time. Now back to the present where she has cut me out of her life......when she was throwing all the stuff about me being selfish and not spending enough time with the boys, I asked her why she never invited me over her house to visit.... bbq or play cards (I had mentioned it to her more than once) and her only excuse was she couldn't afford to bbq because her bf wasn't working enough. When I asked her why she never came over when I invited her and boys to go swimming.....well, she ignored that one. Two weeks before she posted about me on fb, I finally got them to come swimming, but she brought this new friend of hers and her kids with her and spent the whole time talking to her, so I think that was the only reason she finally came. One week before she posted the fb post about me, I had emailed her from work asking if they wanted to go to a baseball game cause my work offered me free tickets. I thought the boys would enjoy it. She refused. Two days before the post, I had emailed her because I knew her birthday was coming up and I offered to babysit the boys (including her bf's son) so they could go do something special and she said no thank you and don't ask why. I thought at the time it was cause she was mad at her bf. And then I get the post about being such a bad grandma-so I truly was it total shock. I had to stay home two day from work I was so upset. I just don't understand.....if it all really mattered to her, why doesn't she want to make it work when it's offered? Instead she says no, I don't care, I don't miss you, the boys are losing much, and I'm embarrassed to call any of you family. That was also even after two of her sisters said sorry for not visiting more (even though they live far away)

I'm reading this as DGS naps. I've been keeping him since DD2 returned to work - 32 months now. Her original days/hours varied and were long, but this last year has been easier at four days a week, and I'm home between 5-6pm. Sometimes earlier, but it's usually 12-13 hours after I wake up. I enjoy every single moment. She receives no support (not getting into details, but it's for the best) so she can't afford to pay for childcare. I don't need the money, so it's my pleasure. I don't have all the free time I used to have, but I don't miss it at all... and I miss him dearly on days I don't see him! For me, this is a one time thing - other current grandchild and any future grandchildren from any of our three adult children doesn't and won't receive. I'm only getting older. ;) In your case, you work and they know it. So to be asked (or expected) to provide childcare is just ridiculous. There are two of them that work, so it seems like they could certainly afford daycare. Might not be what they want, but they should have planned ahead. We cannot see the future, but some things should be worked out ahead of time. Life's curve balls require changes that cannot be foreseen, but it's up to them to figure those out and they shouldn't expect anyone else to do it for them. Volunteering to provide childcare and being expected to provide are two entirely different subjects. This post was edited by allison0704 on Tue, Jun 24, 14 at 15:55