How to grandparent?

18 years ago

First time here. Just found out we will be grandparents in the Spring! I do not want to miss out on anything I am suppose to do. We live 3 1/2 hours away from the kid's. Is there an "instruction" manual? busybody_t

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Comments (5)

denora
18 years ago
Hi Busybody T
I am a new grandmother as well. So far I have learned to listen and respond only to things I am sure my daughter wants answers to. So far "What I did in olden days was..." seems to work. Also, "This is what I did... but ask your pediatrician/other new mothers." Of course, I live closer and will be babysitting when my daughter goes back to work.
My best advice is to concentrate on loving your grandchildren unconditionally. I talk constantly to my granddaughter (she's only 6 weels old) and let her know I love love love her.
ladieg
18 years ago
Since you are 3 1/2 hours away, by the time your gc gets 2 you can send mail, mine love to get mail. I buy special cards and since mine are a little older now, send a piece of gum, a dollar, and draw pictures for them, and if I am not with them for a birthday, I send a pkg, never forgetting the other two. When they visit I always have some little things I have bought. I always think we are making memories. Ladieg
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First, you are not being selfish!! The fact that you're struggling about this means you're not selfish! I am not a grandparent; I am the daughter-in-law but IÂm going through something very similar. My in-laws live about 8 hours from us. We just got back Sunday from driving to visit them for a week, with our two boys, ages 3 and 1. We also made this trip in April and another trip, meeting them half way, in June. In my situation, we are the only ones who initiate visits, and spend all of our vacation time and any extra money to see them. (They were here for a weekend in March for my oldestÂs birthday. They arenÂt making the trip this summer for my youngestÂs first birthday even though we asked them to and told them it was important to us). I know how difficult and frustrating it can be to have such a one-sided relationship! In my situation, my in-laws have more money than we do and they have more vacation time than we do (he has his own business, she teaches so she's off all summer) so, even though itÂs not the case, I feel that they should make more of an effort than we do and they should be the ones who travel more (and we invite them repeatedly and have extended an open invitation!) Plus, itÂs easier for the two of them to travel than it is for us. Trust me, it's not easy to travel with kids! Maybe this is what your children feel? Have you talked to them about this? Do you have adequate accommodations for their family to come and stay with you? Do you try to control everything when youÂre together or do you let your kids be the parents? Is there anything youÂre doing that may make them not want to be there? Ask them! As to things to do to feel connected with long distance grandkids, I donÂt know how old they are but IÂve done lots of research into this and have come up with lots of ideas (again, I do this because I am the one who initiates contact and pushes for my kids to be close with my in-laws). E-mail, phone calls, videos are all good ways to stay connected. You can mail cards, letters, pictures with small toys and/or candies (check with kids first to see whatÂs allowed). Tape record yourself reading a story and mail the book and tape to them so that you can read to them. Remember things they tell you so you can bring it up again so they feel like you really listen to them. Ask them to draw pictures to send to you (send stamped envelops for them). Anyway, I really hope it gets better and your kids will compromise so that you donÂt have to give so much! Good luck!
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I have not read all the responses, but can I offer you this? My mom tends to buy my kids tons of junk that ends up all over my house. Sure my kids love it and after a day the novelty fades and it ends up in a bin somewhere or even vacuumed up if it's little. She does NOT respect my wishes when I ask her not to do this and she does it drives me insane. Here are some things I can never get enough of for my children: Books. My children love them, I love reading them. My mother never read to us as children. My dear grandmother did, and I have wonderful memories of her reading all sorts of stories to me. One of my earliest memories is sitting on her lap hearing the story of Hansel and Gretel. One of my most prized possessions is a Mother Goose book, inside my grandmother wrote a little note to me on the day I was born. I will cherish it always. Buy your grandchildren books, and read the wonderful stories to them. Inscribe them, because one day those words you write to those children will be priceless.
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So sweet, thanks for sharing. My kids only have one grandparent left, my Mom. But they love her fiercely. Any time my daughter would head down to Chicago for a show or a band thing in college, she would take a group of her band buddies and stay at Gram's house, where they would of course be fed with huge meals. Not too shabby for starving college students. My son and my niece are planning to spend spring break with Gramma next week. Gwen, my niece, is flying in from Colorado and Ted will be traveling down from Madison. How awesome is that that they would forgo the wild partying of spring break to spend it with their Gramma?
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moumine_2006
17 years ago
I know how you feel.I have two grandkids which I don't see that much and it hurts.But I guess that we can't have it all,at least that's what their dad tells me.So I try and talk to them on the phone and sent them gifts but I would perfur to hold them in my arms and tell them that I love them.
rosajoe_gw
17 years ago
I love being a grandparent and we live 2 miles away, we are moving to about 4 1/2 miles away. It is sad, but it is the best for us.
The most important thing a grandparent can remember, in my opinion, is that as much as we love them we are not the parents. I do not criticize the parents and I ask before I buy them a big purchase.
I had wanted to buy them a TV for their bedroom and when I asked my daughter she said no, she wants the family to watch TV together.
That is OK with me, I took the money and bought them savings bonds.
We still spoil them of course and if I thought the parents were harming them in anyway I would be the first to speak up, but they are both kind and caring parents.
Just pay losts of attention to them and love them, they grow up so fast!!!
booboo60
17 years ago
How delightful to find a "grandparents" forum!!! I have some grandchildren close by and some hours away but I have been at the birth of them all and consider that to be a huge blessing!! My dh and I always make time to see them and have them over and we "love them up" as much as possible. We never forget who the parents are and truthfully I don't want to "parent" my grandchildren! I enjoy them going back to their parents but give them love as much as I can. I babysat a couple of them when they were small and to tell you the honest truth when they got to be toddlerish and older I did not enjoy being the disciplinarian!!!! Leave that to Mom and Dad!!! I love the "grandparent" role and think it was meant to be that way!!! I do, however, so admire grandparents that have taken on the role of being parents or that have custody of their grandchildren. It is not easy the older we get but you can't find anyone to love them more!!!!! Thanks for the opportunity to talk about the loves of my life, hope it was helpful!!!!

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How to grandparent?

Comments (5)

denora

ladieg

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