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Manipulation

Posted by dmissy (My Page) on
Wed, Aug 20, 08 at 11:11

Any grandparent(s) been denied or restricted visits due to hate by son or daughter's spouse? After 5 years, of son's wife's need for control and demeaning remarks to me, I think she is winning.

Just have to continue with life. Son, and babies, are welcome here, but I can no longer go to his home without insults by her. Son, either can't see or in denial. I've mentioned to him that she doesn't want me there and he seems mad. I've always tried to respect her, but she kept looking for fault. She makes fun of my laugh, everything I say or do.

My oldest granddaughter, reminded me that she has another grandma and that she spent the night there..she is not allowed here. Either son is brainwashed or our communication is nil. Anyone else had strained situation or had to let go?


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Manipulation

I'm sorry.Its heart breaking to have raised a child then when they marry they let wife rule. Have you come right out and asked to havd GD spend the night?
If yes and they say no then out right ask why she can't..


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RE: Manipulation

Yes, if there is a next time, I plan to ask. I know, my heart is gonna get ripped out and it won't make no sense. My mother, son's grandma, when alive, said she wondered if she even raised one of her other children to put up with a demeaning wife. I've been plagued with same questions. His wife, always hated son's loyalty to me. My mother, had witnessed several of dil's outbursts about me, and said my son, would always tell her that was "enough". She has been relentless in making this day happen. I wondered when it would affect my dear granddaughter.

I don't know how someone lives with this or how she lives and breathes to keep me away.


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RE: Manipulation

It sounds like she is just a very jealous person. I can't understand people like that.Not being secure enough about herself. , to allow you and your granddaughter to have a relationship..Not being in your position I can't really offer any good advice. Just good thoughts and wishes for you.
I do know if it was me I would have a real heart to heart with your son about this .Without your DI knowing.. Maybe he can somehow work this out ..
The only two being hurt are you and your grand daughter.


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RE: Manipulation

Is this your only grandchild? Sometimes possessive people like the mother are also greedy. I would be really frank with her--"I'm going to see my attorney and make out the will to give everything I have to my neighbor's adorable little girl/boy. Look at this darling little gift they gave me for my birthday" You probably own your own home (if not then hint that you are expecting to inherit money from some distant relative)don't beg or plead--just withdraw and given an opportunity be sure to rave about somebody else's kid.
I am an estate planning attorney and you would be surprised at how often people disinherit their grandchildren because they never get to build a relationship with them or they hate the mother/father. I think if they pointed out their power to do it when the problem was just beginning and the kids are little it would have been effective. You should hear the yelling when the will is produced. I think people assume that you must leave money to the grandkids or your child; they seem to think they can be rotten and still inherit. Educate her now.


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RE: Manipulation

Thanks, Marge. My mind, has had those very thoughts. When my mother passed, she even took that over. She had an estate sale, and her father, (who never visited my mother ever or in her house)came to give price values and check everything out. I held the will, and my mother's wish was for me to see to it, that son got all excluding 3 other of my siblings and their grandchildren. My son, was my mom's favorite, and she let everyone know. She would have been dismayed by the control of his wife. He knew she was keeping the money, so figured I did my job.

Yes, I fully agree, I thought of this today. It is like a bad child, that never got corrected early. Son, is way too easy going and she knows this. She's played on his and anyone's "weakness". She admits how bossy she is, but it is as if she is acting out lately beyond belief. I have had 5 years with my granddaughter. They had another girl in Jan. 08.

They were childhood "sweethearts" and she had a bad relationship with her father (who is now Godlike) and swore her folks would never get to see any future grandkids...just to hear her threaten with that statement was a wild statement..and here it seems to be me now.

She has had issues with parents, and that has to have some bearing on this being played out. I hope, she never fully uses this "technique" on my son, and estranges him one day.
I can see what is happening, but don't know if he would even listen to it. Some day, this will come out. But, what a painful way to go.

I don't want her picking thru my things...as she never comes here in years...they've been married 8 years. Anything, or not, she does/does not do is okay, but know son regularly goes with her to her parents. Oh dear son...


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RE: Manipulation

I feel your pain. My DIL is odd and does say mean and hurtful things, but it is mostly my son that is the major problem. I was also a single mother for many years he is now 22 and has 2 children. It kind of began last fall, he did not want me to take my 3 year old granddaughter to soccer classes. He told me that grandparents didn't do those kind of things, that it was for parents to do (his wife had just had a baby). Well I did end up taking her, it ended in June, he then told me, just out of the blue, that he really did not want to have a relationship with me and that he did not want the grandkids to have a relationship with me either. (he only see's his father 3 times a year and wants his wife to cut off contact with her mom) This was also after years of lending money, bailing him out of jail, letting them live with us for a year and a half rent free etc.. So he wanted to cut back our visits to once a month and we could only either take her to the park or keep her at our house. We were very saddened by this, but of course had no choice but to comply. Now after he bought a car from his drug dealer, a 1985 300 ZX (a 2 seater) instead of buying food for his kids or paying us the 500.00 he owes us, we shut off their cell phones realizing he had no intentions of paying the past due bills. We are now cut off from seeing our grandkids at all. We have not seen them in over 3 weeks. We are heartbroken. My husband is even considering turning their phones back on, and if you knew how cheap he was you would know how desperate he is. LOL I keep racking my brain to figure out what I have done that is so horrible to deserve such treatment, but I think he just wants control. I have cried until I think I have no tears left.


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RE: Manipulation

Men can really be wimps in situations like this. They may even know it's not right, but they live with the wife, so they let her get away with it. The option would be that he would be on the receiving end of her abuse.


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